We had a long and thorough initial appointment with our Midwife this evening. She seems like a good match for us and we are both comfortable with her.
As well as fill out loads of forms, she also gave me a lots of brochures to read.
We discussed my medical history and she is going to organize the NT scan with the OB.
But this is where I am not so happy. I had always thought we would test for Down's Syndrome since I am at a higher risk due to T1D. But Hubby is against the idea, arguing does it matter since we have already decided what we would do with the information should the baby have Down's: nothing. We have both known people with Down's Syndrome as we grew up and we agree they can be wonderful happy people who lead rich fulfilling lives.
But I still want to know. I hate surprises, especially the sort where a simple blood test could put my mind at rest either way. Of course, the blood test is not definitive, the only way to do a diagnostic test and know for sure is with an amino, and I know I'm not keen on that due to the increased risk it carries.
Plus, we also disagree on antenatal classes. Having done this 3 times before Hubby is bored of them, thinks they are patronizing and that you learn more off the midwife. Which may all be true. But it is trampling all over my nice vision for this time. He would prefer the weekend short course. The midwife plainly advised against this as it can be information overload. I prefer the six week evening course, where you get to journey through it with others and potentially find others to share the experience with.
I am feeling very alone right now. I have no friends my age pregnant, my sister desperately wants a child bit circumstances make it hard, my Mum unfortunately has not yet had any meaningful/useful conversations with me, she mainly claims that too much has changed. And now Hubby is pulling a sad face when I say what I want. And I admit I am pulling a sad face too.
I want the best of both worlds: Hubby and the benefit of all his knowledge and experience, just minus any bad or prejudicial experiences from last time. He says he wishes this were his first time, well, now I really wish that too.
I want to test for Downs as I want to know. I want to do the NT scan to know my baby I'd healthy. I do not want to wait with my head in the sand and get a big nasty surprise with an ill baby on its birthday. I want to be proactive and prepared, even if all I can do is prepare mentally for a potential outcome.
Do I understand Hubby's reasoning: yes, and I was settled with it until I considered getting that nasty surprise. It's NOT the same as waiting to find out the gender - which I currently am happy either way - it is serious and could affect both my maternity care and the early care of our baby.
I dunno, I'm just so tired all the time now. Can barely stay awake through my class. Leaving work as soon as I can. Just, feeling overwhelmed, lost, and a bit alone right now. I know Hubby loves me very much, but I don't know what to do and I can't seem to hold my own in a conversation / debate / argument with him when I just can't concentrate. :(
Other than that disagreement which I'm sure we will resolve, everything is fine, no news.
Symptoms over the past several days: cramping, tender breasts/nipples, mild constipation, extreme fatigue, hunger for protein, some very mild nausea/ vertigo feelings yesterday, nosebleeds a couple of days ago, copious sneezing, fuzzy brain, hypo unawareness.
Baby should have a heartbeat now.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
5w4d Third Beta
Just a quick update for you on my third and final Beta HCG test today: 4479 and rising "very nicely" according to the nurse who phoned the result through to me.
It was a bit hilarious at the medlab this morning. They know me by name now, and I know most of the phlebotomist's faces or names. So I was a bit surprised when a teenage-looking boy (let's say 19 - 21) in a lab coat called my name.
A senior technician was there too and she explained that the trainee technician was going to do everything "except the needle" and I was fine with that. The poor dude was so nervous, I think they chose me to be the first real live patient! He did most of the prep fine, but didn't get the tourniquet quite tight enough. He was shaking really badly!! The senior took over and did the blood draw which took a bit of digging. She only got a tiny amount of blood and had to check with another technician if it was enough for the test. It didn't hurt at all which is lucky.
Feeling very hungry most of today - I actually drove to the supermarket at lunchtime from work and got cans of salmon, a bad of nuts/cranberries, croissants, tomatoes and kiwi fruit for lunch (well, it will become several lunches!)
This evening I was still quite ravenous, but immediately after dinner I got so very sleepy. I did a bit of work after dinner but then actually fell asleep in the lounge chair lol. Of to naps for me!
It was a bit hilarious at the medlab this morning. They know me by name now, and I know most of the phlebotomist's faces or names. So I was a bit surprised when a teenage-looking boy (let's say 19 - 21) in a lab coat called my name.
A senior technician was there too and she explained that the trainee technician was going to do everything "except the needle" and I was fine with that. The poor dude was so nervous, I think they chose me to be the first real live patient! He did most of the prep fine, but didn't get the tourniquet quite tight enough. He was shaking really badly!! The senior took over and did the blood draw which took a bit of digging. She only got a tiny amount of blood and had to check with another technician if it was enough for the test. It didn't hurt at all which is lucky.
Feeling very hungry most of today - I actually drove to the supermarket at lunchtime from work and got cans of salmon, a bad of nuts/cranberries, croissants, tomatoes and kiwi fruit for lunch (well, it will become several lunches!)
This evening I was still quite ravenous, but immediately after dinner I got so very sleepy. I did a bit of work after dinner but then actually fell asleep in the lounge chair lol. Of to naps for me!
Monday, November 11, 2013
5w3d Panadol vs. Dex
I woke yesterday morning to the mother of all headaches. I knew instantly that it was going to be a long grueling day: my super-human sense of smell sniffed something like paint as I was waking up, and the headache decided to stay with me from 7am to 11pm.
Of course, I can't take neurofen at the moment, bit I didn't want to take panadol either as that messes up the Dexcom readings.
We had the step kids and they wanted to go to a gala day which was a beautiful, noisy, rowdy, fun outing except my head was killing me and I kept going really low. Hubby bought me a lolly kebab on a stick!
I slept fitfully most of Sunday afternoon, waking a couple of times for high alarms. At one point I woke up enough to check the tubing and found a massive bubble going right into the infusion site, so I unplugged things and primed. It dripped a few drops and then seemed to stop. With the bedroom curtains drawn, and bleary eyes, I couldn't see that I was actually shooting a thin spout of insulin across the bead spread! Oops!
By 11pm, and after every natural remedy I could think of, my head was pounding so I gave up and took 4 panadol - why that many? Because paracetamol normally doesn't work for me.
True to form, the Dex duly started to rise higher and higher. That's because it measures glucose molecules, but acetaminophen molecules look very similar to the Dex sensor. This causes false high readings. Very high. My meter said I was about 10mmol, while the Dex thought I was about 19.3! Let's just say I learnt how to disable the high-alarm feature pretty quickly. With the Dex and the Vibe pump both going mad at me every couple of minutes there was no way I would get sleep with them on.
Felt much better this morning, taught Monday class - always a drain that class - and tried to get away early but failed.
I did however get home in time to start calling midwives and OBs. Turns out the OB I want is private only, and costs nearly $4000!!! Although we could just afford that, it would be stupid as there are funded OB options available. I'll just have to make sure I don't get the one we had at the start of this IVF journey as he was strange and gave bad advice.
I did manage to book in my 8w scan with the private OB, as she has ultrasound equipment. I then had to email the fertility clinic so they can send a referral letter through to her offices, and that way it will be covered under maternity funding so free to us - yay! I just hope I don't like her too much :/ I'm checking with my health insurance to see if it covers obstetrics, but don't hold out much hope. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I won't get the OB of my choice. Which sux big time since I've heard great things about her. Sigh.
The midwife was a more positive call. We left a message and she rang back after dinner. She is the first one I looked at, mainly because she stated in her online profile that she works closely with specialists. She took time with us on the phone and we will meet her early next week.
3rd HCG test is tomorrow. I don't really have any nerves about this one, as I've had so many symptoms. And no bleeding with cramping, or bleeding at all, which I take as a good sign.
Oh, did I mention that the gala day was held at the primary school where me, Hubby, his Dad, my Sister, my 3 step-kids all went? Yeah, it has zoning and we're not in the zone, but Hubby knows the principal and asked him if it's possible to put our name on the list anyway and we can! Talk about forward thinking! So exciting! I really hope this pregnancy sticks and goes smoothly, I am getting a bit fond of our little embryo!
Of course, I can't take neurofen at the moment, bit I didn't want to take panadol either as that messes up the Dexcom readings.
We had the step kids and they wanted to go to a gala day which was a beautiful, noisy, rowdy, fun outing except my head was killing me and I kept going really low. Hubby bought me a lolly kebab on a stick!
I slept fitfully most of Sunday afternoon, waking a couple of times for high alarms. At one point I woke up enough to check the tubing and found a massive bubble going right into the infusion site, so I unplugged things and primed. It dripped a few drops and then seemed to stop. With the bedroom curtains drawn, and bleary eyes, I couldn't see that I was actually shooting a thin spout of insulin across the bead spread! Oops!
By 11pm, and after every natural remedy I could think of, my head was pounding so I gave up and took 4 panadol - why that many? Because paracetamol normally doesn't work for me.
True to form, the Dex duly started to rise higher and higher. That's because it measures glucose molecules, but acetaminophen molecules look very similar to the Dex sensor. This causes false high readings. Very high. My meter said I was about 10mmol, while the Dex thought I was about 19.3! Let's just say I learnt how to disable the high-alarm feature pretty quickly. With the Dex and the Vibe pump both going mad at me every couple of minutes there was no way I would get sleep with them on.
Felt much better this morning, taught Monday class - always a drain that class - and tried to get away early but failed.
I did however get home in time to start calling midwives and OBs. Turns out the OB I want is private only, and costs nearly $4000!!! Although we could just afford that, it would be stupid as there are funded OB options available. I'll just have to make sure I don't get the one we had at the start of this IVF journey as he was strange and gave bad advice.
I did manage to book in my 8w scan with the private OB, as she has ultrasound equipment. I then had to email the fertility clinic so they can send a referral letter through to her offices, and that way it will be covered under maternity funding so free to us - yay! I just hope I don't like her too much :/ I'm checking with my health insurance to see if it covers obstetrics, but don't hold out much hope. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I won't get the OB of my choice. Which sux big time since I've heard great things about her. Sigh.
The midwife was a more positive call. We left a message and she rang back after dinner. She is the first one I looked at, mainly because she stated in her online profile that she works closely with specialists. She took time with us on the phone and we will meet her early next week.
3rd HCG test is tomorrow. I don't really have any nerves about this one, as I've had so many symptoms. And no bleeding with cramping, or bleeding at all, which I take as a good sign.
Oh, did I mention that the gala day was held at the primary school where me, Hubby, his Dad, my Sister, my 3 step-kids all went? Yeah, it has zoning and we're not in the zone, but Hubby knows the principal and asked him if it's possible to put our name on the list anyway and we can! Talk about forward thinking! So exciting! I really hope this pregnancy sticks and goes smoothly, I am getting a bit fond of our little embryo!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
5w2d a useless appointment with the GP
Yesterday we duly trotted along to see our GP to tell him I'm pregnant and ask for advice on getting a midwife and an OB.
Turns out, our GP was pretty much useless and couldn't really tell me anything I didn't already know.
So now it's once again up to us to research and figure out exactly what services are funded and how to access them.
Because I'm Type 1 Diabetic I should be allocated an OB since I'm classed as a "high risk" pregnancy. I seriously hope I never really need the help of the OB, but I definitely want those skills available to me!
My husband, having had 3 kids previously is very keen on a midwife and I like that idea too. I can have both I believe, and I've looked up local midwives online and found a couple who may be good matches. One in particular states that she works closely with specialists - and I will have a lot of specialists.
There is one OB/GYN that I really want, but she is private and I'm not sure if she is available through hospital funding. The GP confused me on this - I couldn't tell if he meant the local district health board or the patient would be charged several thousand dollars.
Anyway, I will be calling quite a few places on Monday to get some answers and to hopefully book in to meet them.
One important thing I have to do is sort out where my 8w scan will be, either the radiology place or perhaps at this OB's clinic as she has some fancy ultrasound equipment which is one of her big drawcards.
My symptoms these past couple of days are pretty mild. I feel really good in myself, and positive overall. I have noticed I am getting minor nosebleeds and also severe head rushes when I stand or sit up, to the point where my vision goes black for a second.
Since cutting back the progesterone to 300 and today just 200mg p/day, my blood sugars have been a lot more stable. Heavenly almost. I am no longer having to use a temp basal. I think the "serious hypo unaware lows" of the first trimester have hit, and my juice consumption has risen back up again. It's not too bad and I'm able to treat myself and watch for them on the Dex, but even do I've still adjusted my breakfast I:C ratio to be a weaker 1:7.
Still peeing like a champion, and getting thirsty as a result all the time. Fatigue is with me especially in the afternoons, and I am currently going to bed early while the teens stay up watching movies!
Although I have no morning sickness or nausea (hooray) I am finding that watching what I eat closely (do deli, no caffeine, no uncounted-unbolused carbs etc) mean that I am generally hungry quite soon again after meals. Hard to tell if this is real hunger, or thirst, or just my body going "holy heck did you finally figure out how to stop the post-prandial blood sugar spike??!"
Note to self: once again, you have proof in the form of blood sugar reading that show work and stress is bad for your health.
Went for a moderate 1hr bike ride today and it felt really good to be out moving. I often feel really sleepy in the evenings, but also in dire need of a walk at least.
My lower tummy is actually slimmer this week than last week, I think that is the effect of all the injectables wearing off. Hubby has been taking pictures of my "belly" aww he's so cute!
In terms of texture, it used to feel squishy like inner-thigh flab, and now when I press my tummy there is a definite firmness. Inside, the cramping has eased, although I feel a pretty constant pressure. There are still the occasional twinge or cramp, and when I woke up this morning I sat up way too fast causing not only a bad sharp cramp but also a spinny head rush.
Turns out, our GP was pretty much useless and couldn't really tell me anything I didn't already know.
So now it's once again up to us to research and figure out exactly what services are funded and how to access them.
Because I'm Type 1 Diabetic I should be allocated an OB since I'm classed as a "high risk" pregnancy. I seriously hope I never really need the help of the OB, but I definitely want those skills available to me!
My husband, having had 3 kids previously is very keen on a midwife and I like that idea too. I can have both I believe, and I've looked up local midwives online and found a couple who may be good matches. One in particular states that she works closely with specialists - and I will have a lot of specialists.
There is one OB/GYN that I really want, but she is private and I'm not sure if she is available through hospital funding. The GP confused me on this - I couldn't tell if he meant the local district health board or the patient would be charged several thousand dollars.
Anyway, I will be calling quite a few places on Monday to get some answers and to hopefully book in to meet them.
One important thing I have to do is sort out where my 8w scan will be, either the radiology place or perhaps at this OB's clinic as she has some fancy ultrasound equipment which is one of her big drawcards.
My symptoms these past couple of days are pretty mild. I feel really good in myself, and positive overall. I have noticed I am getting minor nosebleeds and also severe head rushes when I stand or sit up, to the point where my vision goes black for a second.
Since cutting back the progesterone to 300 and today just 200mg p/day, my blood sugars have been a lot more stable. Heavenly almost. I am no longer having to use a temp basal. I think the "serious hypo unaware lows" of the first trimester have hit, and my juice consumption has risen back up again. It's not too bad and I'm able to treat myself and watch for them on the Dex, but even do I've still adjusted my breakfast I:C ratio to be a weaker 1:7.
Still peeing like a champion, and getting thirsty as a result all the time. Fatigue is with me especially in the afternoons, and I am currently going to bed early while the teens stay up watching movies!
Although I have no morning sickness or nausea (hooray) I am finding that watching what I eat closely (do deli, no caffeine, no uncounted-unbolused carbs etc) mean that I am generally hungry quite soon again after meals. Hard to tell if this is real hunger, or thirst, or just my body going "holy heck did you finally figure out how to stop the post-prandial blood sugar spike??!"
Note to self: once again, you have proof in the form of blood sugar reading that show work and stress is bad for your health.
Went for a moderate 1hr bike ride today and it felt really good to be out moving. I often feel really sleepy in the evenings, but also in dire need of a walk at least.
My lower tummy is actually slimmer this week than last week, I think that is the effect of all the injectables wearing off. Hubby has been taking pictures of my "belly" aww he's so cute!
In terms of texture, it used to feel squishy like inner-thigh flab, and now when I press my tummy there is a definite firmness. Inside, the cramping has eased, although I feel a pretty constant pressure. There are still the occasional twinge or cramp, and when I woke up this morning I sat up way too fast causing not only a bad sharp cramp but also a spinny head rush.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
16dp3dt (aka 4w6d) Cramping
Although I'm not super worried about it at this stage, yesterday and today I have been cramping quite a lot. It's not really bad, but it is quite localised on the right side. I have been reading that cramping by itself, as long as it's not too severe, is generally a good sign.
Still, there have definitely been occasions today where I've had to sit down and catch my breath. It's good to just take a break anyway. I've found that drinking more water lessens the cramping, and it can't hurt. Plus it helps to stabilise my blood sugars.
Which are doing absolutely great today! The new settings my DNE provided me with are working really well and I haven't gone low or high today!
After a late night last night, and heading for another one today, and with teaching 4 hr design classes 4 days a week I am quite tired. Sometimes when I relax a bit my mind just feels like it's full of cotton wool. I am feeling quite clumsy, bumping into stuff. Not sure if it's the hormones or the tiredness, but this fatigue and semi-constant cramping is starting to wear on me a little bit. But it's reassuring at the same time, as it means things are cooking.
Also - not just dull cramps, but sharp twinges. I got one just now and it started on both sides of my lower spine and came around the sides, and then sparked down my right inner-thigh. Gone in seconds, but weird nonetheless.
Feeling positive, but also aware that I should avoid bending and picking stuff up. My Mum had already told me that she had a miscarriage between my sister and I but she let me know that it happened at around 8 weeks for her, before she knew she was pregnant for sure. And that it happened after a day weeding in the garden! So I am cutting out any activity that could stress my abdominal muscles unnecessarily. I mean, why take the risk.
I phoned my Aunt this evening and let her know we're pregnant. She has been a constant loving element in my life, and the happy noises she made can only be described as super-sonic! hehe
Still, there have definitely been occasions today where I've had to sit down and catch my breath. It's good to just take a break anyway. I've found that drinking more water lessens the cramping, and it can't hurt. Plus it helps to stabilise my blood sugars.
Which are doing absolutely great today! The new settings my DNE provided me with are working really well and I haven't gone low or high today!
After a late night last night, and heading for another one today, and with teaching 4 hr design classes 4 days a week I am quite tired. Sometimes when I relax a bit my mind just feels like it's full of cotton wool. I am feeling quite clumsy, bumping into stuff. Not sure if it's the hormones or the tiredness, but this fatigue and semi-constant cramping is starting to wear on me a little bit. But it's reassuring at the same time, as it means things are cooking.
Also - not just dull cramps, but sharp twinges. I got one just now and it started on both sides of my lower spine and came around the sides, and then sparked down my right inner-thigh. Gone in seconds, but weird nonetheless.
Feeling positive, but also aware that I should avoid bending and picking stuff up. My Mum had already told me that she had a miscarriage between my sister and I but she let me know that it happened at around 8 weeks for her, before she knew she was pregnant for sure. And that it happened after a day weeding in the garden! So I am cutting out any activity that could stress my abdominal muscles unnecessarily. I mean, why take the risk.
I phoned my Aunt this evening and let her know we're pregnant. She has been a constant loving element in my life, and the happy noises she made can only be described as super-sonic! hehe
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
15dp3dt Second Beta (aka 4 weeks 5 days)
Second beta test today came back at 453! Woohoo!
This gives us a doubling time of roughly 42hrs, which is right smack bang in the middle of average.
Got a different nurse on the phone this time, but she sounded very positive and said "it's a good number". The relief I felt when I finally got the call was amazing. As you can tell from my previous post, I was getting a wee bit stressy about it. I was just so unbelievably happy that it came back positive that it was like walking on a cloud for about half an hour. After which time the adrenaline rush wore off and the fatigue set in.
They tested my progesterone too and it is 338 so the nurse said I should start weaning myself off the dreaded progresterone pessaries by dropping the dosage from 2 x 3 times daily, down to 1 x 3 times daily until they run out, or roughly 4 more days. Apparently I am making plenty of my own.
I need to go back in a week (next Tuesday) for another HCG test. The only way I found this out was by refusing to let the nurse hang up on me a la "just one more question!" haha I was determined to get the info out of her! Actually, I think the nurses' office must have been fairly busy, as I could hear other nurses talking to patients on their phones in the background.
I enquired about when is appropriate to enlist an ob/gyn and midwife. Nurse said that the fertility clinic has care of us until the 8 week mark which will be 29th November for me. At that time I should travel back up to Hamilton for my first ultrasound scan. Now, don't get me wrong, I cannot wait for this ultrasound. At about weeks today, I'm about halfway there. These milestones are incredibly important and hold great significance to me and my husband, and all those supporting us. But do I really want to travel over mountains for 3 hrs, have an over night stay, pay for a night in a motel, and book a day off work for two people?? Um, no. I asked the nurse if there was anything special about the ultrasound scan, and she thought about it for a moment, they said "well, there is a radiology place that you could ring and enquire if they would do it, but you would have to pay privately for it, just call and see if you can get an appointment for around the 29th Nov and then let us know so we can send a referral note through to you. They will then need to fax the results back to us." If it's less that the cost of all that travel and missed work, then we'll do it.
I keep thinking it would be great for the fertility clinic to provide a flowchart of procedures and appointments, just a general "what could happen" document. Rather than having to wrangle the info out whenever they choose to phone.
Once I got home Hubby suggested we book an appointment to see our GP this week to get his advice, as we may be able to get the scan for free??? I don't really care too much about paying for it, I just want to know that I won't have to travel. We have an appointment with the GP this Friday so I'm hoping I will learn heaps there!
Some more good news: I got my HbA1c result back. 16 Oct = 45 or 6.3% A slight rise, but this was taken after the transition to the pump (still learning) and before the application of copious amounts of crazy IVF hormones.
Went to the two elder step-kids senior high school prize-giving ceremony tonight and they both received awards! Very proud. It was cool with Hubby and I, their Mum and her parents, youngest step-son, and MIL. Some big cheers!
The school hall was packed for the ceremony and it got very hot. I was fanning myself with the paper programme, and started to get some really bad cramps, especially on the right side again but moving all over the place. I felt a bit faint, and figured I just needed to cool down and have some water. Which worked very well.
Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and support. It's wonderful to know you are all out there cheering us on! :D
This gives us a doubling time of roughly 42hrs, which is right smack bang in the middle of average.
Got a different nurse on the phone this time, but she sounded very positive and said "it's a good number". The relief I felt when I finally got the call was amazing. As you can tell from my previous post, I was getting a wee bit stressy about it. I was just so unbelievably happy that it came back positive that it was like walking on a cloud for about half an hour. After which time the adrenaline rush wore off and the fatigue set in.
They tested my progesterone too and it is 338 so the nurse said I should start weaning myself off the dreaded progresterone pessaries by dropping the dosage from 2 x 3 times daily, down to 1 x 3 times daily until they run out, or roughly 4 more days. Apparently I am making plenty of my own.
I need to go back in a week (next Tuesday) for another HCG test. The only way I found this out was by refusing to let the nurse hang up on me a la "just one more question!" haha I was determined to get the info out of her! Actually, I think the nurses' office must have been fairly busy, as I could hear other nurses talking to patients on their phones in the background.
I enquired about when is appropriate to enlist an ob/gyn and midwife. Nurse said that the fertility clinic has care of us until the 8 week mark which will be 29th November for me. At that time I should travel back up to Hamilton for my first ultrasound scan. Now, don't get me wrong, I cannot wait for this ultrasound. At about weeks today, I'm about halfway there. These milestones are incredibly important and hold great significance to me and my husband, and all those supporting us. But do I really want to travel over mountains for 3 hrs, have an over night stay, pay for a night in a motel, and book a day off work for two people?? Um, no. I asked the nurse if there was anything special about the ultrasound scan, and she thought about it for a moment, they said "well, there is a radiology place that you could ring and enquire if they would do it, but you would have to pay privately for it, just call and see if you can get an appointment for around the 29th Nov and then let us know so we can send a referral note through to you. They will then need to fax the results back to us." If it's less that the cost of all that travel and missed work, then we'll do it.
I keep thinking it would be great for the fertility clinic to provide a flowchart of procedures and appointments, just a general "what could happen" document. Rather than having to wrangle the info out whenever they choose to phone.
Once I got home Hubby suggested we book an appointment to see our GP this week to get his advice, as we may be able to get the scan for free??? I don't really care too much about paying for it, I just want to know that I won't have to travel. We have an appointment with the GP this Friday so I'm hoping I will learn heaps there!
Some more good news: I got my HbA1c result back. 16 Oct = 45 or 6.3% A slight rise, but this was taken after the transition to the pump (still learning) and before the application of copious amounts of crazy IVF hormones.
 |
| Not too shabby. |
The school hall was packed for the ceremony and it got very hot. I was fanning myself with the paper programme, and started to get some really bad cramps, especially on the right side again but moving all over the place. I felt a bit faint, and figured I just needed to cool down and have some water. Which worked very well.
Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and support. It's wonderful to know you are all out there cheering us on! :D
Monday, November 4, 2013
14dp3dt My Husband is wonderful
It's nearly midnight and I am a bit of a mess. I have been battling high blood sugars now (above 15mmol) for several hours and I'm now 2.9mmol. Very low. Amazed I can type coherently even.
This progesterone is totally kicking my butt. Plus I suspect I may be making my own now.
Today was a tough class to teach. I didn't enjoy it and my heart rate got raised. So did my bloodsugar from the stress. That is where today's roller coaster started.
After lunch a high caught me and wouldn't let go for several hours. This one I attribute to accidentally buying a white-bread sandwich that I thought was brown bread. Boo. Sux when something so stupid can wreck and ruin things like it did.
I went low just at the time before dinner when my Diabetes Nurse Educator phoned. We have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, and since she didn't know that I'm now pregnant it was vital I talk to her about these stubborn highs.
Actually I thought I wasnt doing too bad, diabetes-wise, before she said it was urgent to get these under control, and that it would have been more ideal if they had been under control at conception. I said "they were!!" I have been working so hard to keep my numbers safe. And I was doing bloody well before IVF drugs and pregnancy hormones jumped in the ball-pit!
Anyway, it was a friendly Chet and she gave me lots of new (much stronger) insulin to carb ratios which will increase my meal boluses by 30 - 50%. That's huge and I'm not convinced. But I tried it for dinner (another bad choice: takeout, but I'm exhausted, we both are) and at first I thought oh hey this is working! I'm flatlining after a burger! Brill!
And then suddenly about and hour after dinner my blood glucose just took a massive ramp up. Climbing and climbing, until it got over 18mmol!!! I was frantic. Drinking loads of water, giving as much insulin as I dared. Still nothing worked and it kept rising.
I have read of other T1D pregnant women feeling guilty over high blood sugar, but this wasn't just guilt, this was fear, terror. High blood sugars can result in all sorts of bad things for the foetus which I daren't write here. Just google type 1 diabetes and pregnant to scare yourself shirtless. :(
I gave upwards of 4 correction boluses and put a 30% temp basal increase in place as I was about to have more progesterone which will make my blood sugar rise.
And them I decided to check the line for bubble. Bloody bubbles! With only 57 units left (I know, that sounds like too much to throw away to me too) I ripped out the set and put a new infusion site in. When I pulled the cartridge out of my pump it looked all bubbly like sprite. Useless. So, bubbles are another defendant in the case against high blood sugars.
We toddled off to bed, and I was finally dropping, but with double arrows straight down. I felt terrible, the cramping was just cramping up as it tends to do whenever my blood sugar goes low or high or moves too fast (same thing happens on period so not too concerned) and I was exhausted from the day and trying to beat back highs.
I cried and told Hubby I was scared. I'm doing what I feel is my best and it's not good enough. It's one thing to avoid caffeine, but when it comes to the really important stuff like controlling my blood sugar I can't do it. I'm trying so hard. It feels like everything I do with my diabetes management is hurting me, and worst, hurting my baby. My baby. Wow. That made me well up. I feel very helpless not being able to provide a safe, stable blood sugar environment. I'm doing my best. I won't give up I will get this sorted. I knew it wouldn't be easy.
But sometimes you just have to lie there and be held as you pour your heart out to you soul mate and he cuddles you and tells you it's going to be fine and that he's proud of the amazing job you're doing.
I'm crying through this. I know a lot of it is probably the hormones giving my emotions a hiding, and coming out of a low, (5.2 now, thank God) and the sheer overwhelmed-ness I feel having gone through this IVF process. The lead up has been so long and harrowing. Now that the embryo is in me, I feel an enormous responsibility to do my best to keep as healthy as possible.
So, I am being proactive and making a plan:
- DNE's new insulin to carb ratios may be too strong, but I shall try them for a couple of days and then change them if necessary.
- I will txt my DNE to ask advice
- I will try to avoid white breads, rice, etc and other high-GI foods in large quantities.
- don't be lazy. Cook good food. We do get in the habit of eating out once or twice maybe per week.
- be gentle when correcting a low, and always have a stash of glucose with me.
- be gentle and kind to myself, and practice stress-reduction techniques.
- realize that I can only do my best, and what will be will be
Second beta is tomorrow. I have no symptoms to doubt this pregnancy, but I am so, so scared. Please send your love and hope and thoughts to us for a good rising beta.
Thank you for all of your support. This is scary and knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts really helps to calm me.
This progesterone is totally kicking my butt. Plus I suspect I may be making my own now.
Today was a tough class to teach. I didn't enjoy it and my heart rate got raised. So did my bloodsugar from the stress. That is where today's roller coaster started.
After lunch a high caught me and wouldn't let go for several hours. This one I attribute to accidentally buying a white-bread sandwich that I thought was brown bread. Boo. Sux when something so stupid can wreck and ruin things like it did.
I went low just at the time before dinner when my Diabetes Nurse Educator phoned. We have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, and since she didn't know that I'm now pregnant it was vital I talk to her about these stubborn highs.
Actually I thought I wasnt doing too bad, diabetes-wise, before she said it was urgent to get these under control, and that it would have been more ideal if they had been under control at conception. I said "they were!!" I have been working so hard to keep my numbers safe. And I was doing bloody well before IVF drugs and pregnancy hormones jumped in the ball-pit!
Anyway, it was a friendly Chet and she gave me lots of new (much stronger) insulin to carb ratios which will increase my meal boluses by 30 - 50%. That's huge and I'm not convinced. But I tried it for dinner (another bad choice: takeout, but I'm exhausted, we both are) and at first I thought oh hey this is working! I'm flatlining after a burger! Brill!
And then suddenly about and hour after dinner my blood glucose just took a massive ramp up. Climbing and climbing, until it got over 18mmol!!! I was frantic. Drinking loads of water, giving as much insulin as I dared. Still nothing worked and it kept rising.
I have read of other T1D pregnant women feeling guilty over high blood sugar, but this wasn't just guilt, this was fear, terror. High blood sugars can result in all sorts of bad things for the foetus which I daren't write here. Just google type 1 diabetes and pregnant to scare yourself shirtless. :(
I gave upwards of 4 correction boluses and put a 30% temp basal increase in place as I was about to have more progesterone which will make my blood sugar rise.
And them I decided to check the line for bubble. Bloody bubbles! With only 57 units left (I know, that sounds like too much to throw away to me too) I ripped out the set and put a new infusion site in. When I pulled the cartridge out of my pump it looked all bubbly like sprite. Useless. So, bubbles are another defendant in the case against high blood sugars.
We toddled off to bed, and I was finally dropping, but with double arrows straight down. I felt terrible, the cramping was just cramping up as it tends to do whenever my blood sugar goes low or high or moves too fast (same thing happens on period so not too concerned) and I was exhausted from the day and trying to beat back highs.
I cried and told Hubby I was scared. I'm doing what I feel is my best and it's not good enough. It's one thing to avoid caffeine, but when it comes to the really important stuff like controlling my blood sugar I can't do it. I'm trying so hard. It feels like everything I do with my diabetes management is hurting me, and worst, hurting my baby. My baby. Wow. That made me well up. I feel very helpless not being able to provide a safe, stable blood sugar environment. I'm doing my best. I won't give up I will get this sorted. I knew it wouldn't be easy.
But sometimes you just have to lie there and be held as you pour your heart out to you soul mate and he cuddles you and tells you it's going to be fine and that he's proud of the amazing job you're doing.
I'm crying through this. I know a lot of it is probably the hormones giving my emotions a hiding, and coming out of a low, (5.2 now, thank God) and the sheer overwhelmed-ness I feel having gone through this IVF process. The lead up has been so long and harrowing. Now that the embryo is in me, I feel an enormous responsibility to do my best to keep as healthy as possible.
So, I am being proactive and making a plan:
- DNE's new insulin to carb ratios may be too strong, but I shall try them for a couple of days and then change them if necessary.
- I will txt my DNE to ask advice
- I will try to avoid white breads, rice, etc and other high-GI foods in large quantities.
- don't be lazy. Cook good food. We do get in the habit of eating out once or twice maybe per week.
- be gentle when correcting a low, and always have a stash of glucose with me.
- be gentle and kind to myself, and practice stress-reduction techniques.
- realize that I can only do my best, and what will be will be
Second beta is tomorrow. I have no symptoms to doubt this pregnancy, but I am so, so scared. Please send your love and hope and thoughts to us for a good rising beta.
Thank you for all of your support. This is scary and knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts really helps to calm me.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
13dp3dt Well, it feels real...
..but will it stick around? Will I get a good beta on Tuesday?
I am pretty calm, and it's sinking in more. I am currently pregnant and I have to keep telling it to myself cos I just don't believe it. I have been to look at the pee-stick several times today. Just to check I didn't imagine that line. Or the phone call from the nurse. I am hoping they will send the results out to me on paper, so I have something tangible to fret over.
Things I have discovered today:
I am pretty calm, and it's sinking in more. I am currently pregnant and I have to keep telling it to myself cos I just don't believe it. I have been to look at the pee-stick several times today. Just to check I didn't imagine that line. Or the phone call from the nurse. I am hoping they will send the results out to me on paper, so I have something tangible to fret over.
Things I have discovered today:
- People are treating me differently already. Which bugs me. Why are you all getting worried about me now, but not the day before first beta? eh? I am the same person!
- People who don't have a clue I'm pregnant treat me the same as always. Which also bugs me. Where is my special treatment already!? Can't win over here. lol
- It should not be possible to forget that something is going on down there. Most of the time, it is painful and crampy (not severe cramping). Plus there are the twinges. I guess that's what you'd call them? Sharper, achier pains that occur all over the place. Anywhere from my hip joints right up to my clavicles. Ribs. And of course the abdomen. Sometimes I can feel a twinge going right um, up me. Sometimes it goes around my uterus. I think. Without an MRI to hand, I am just guessing at anatomy here. Oh and also the firm-en-ing-up of my tummy, and the general inability to button my jeans.
- I gave in the moment we got the nurse's phone call. By that, I mean, I have allowed myself to dream of this child. I have been collecting names. Hubby and I even had the briefest of brief chat about names. I have been watching videos about what happens at 3 and 4 weeks pregnant, and I have downloaded a couple of pregnancy tracking apps. By the power vested in the Interwebs, I am able to determine that my Estimated Due Date should be 11 July 2014. None of these things are what I would consider "safe". I mean, throughout the whole time I have been waiting for this (can't use "trying" as we've technically never "tried" to get pregnant in the traditional sense lol) I have been moderating my thoughts severely. To keep my mind from exploding and my self from collapsing in a crumple of tears, I made a bargain with myself: I could think of certain things (names, due dates, pregnancy details, maternity clothes, nursery decorating ideas) only once I reached certain goals (accepted for treatment, started treatment, positive beta) to protect my mind. My reasoning being that if I didn't think up good, wishful, dreams then I wouldn't be hurt as badly should things go south.
- And now I have gone there. The gates are open and I cannot reign in my insatiable curiosity and dreaming. It is lovely to be able to feel I can now safely think about this sort of wonderful stuff...
- ...But, then I realise that I could lose it all on Tuesday, making the fall so much harder. I hope beyond everything that this, my first pregnancy, sticks, stays, grows, and is healthy. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire existence.
- The centre of my universe has changed. I'm not sure where it was before, but it's now growing in me (I hope).
- My brain can think of little else. Until I do something (gardening, cooking) and forget entirely.
- Speaking of gardening: I did lots. I know, I know - I'm not supposed to exert myself. Or get too hot. And I know. It's bad for the embryo. But it has been the most beautiful spring weekend and I have been so at peace. I was, I think, not able to garden all winter until this IVF was done. Now that I feel positive again (it's been a while since I've felt so energized) the garden is crying out for attention. I drank lots of water, made sure not to over do things, and only went out in the sun for short spells. Oh, and there is another reason why I feel positive about it. Part of the stories the women in my family share include that of doing some crazy, manual labour such as cleaning the stove, washing all the windows, or weeding the garden. So I take the desire to garden as a good omen.
- You may have noticed the word energized in the last bullet point. Imagine having all this energy and happiness one moment, and then the most crippling fatigue so you have to lie down or risk feeling faint the next. Well, that has been my day. I get especially tired towards the end of the day.
- I decided to get tougher on my blood sugars. I really really tried to get in touch with my Diabetes Nurse Educator last week, but we are playing a mammoth game of phone tag at present. Too timid to adjust the basal rates (especially while still on those progesterone pessaries ewww), I spent most of Saturday thinking what I could do instead. First up, I tried doing more correction boluses when ever I went over 12mmol. I also started ignoring the pumps suggestions of "0 units" when I had IOB, and instead gave small conservative boluses. This worked ok, so I then thought up a more permanent method - Oh hey! I will just adjust my insulin sensitivity factor a bit! I went from 1u:4mmol up to 1u:3mmol. This has proved to be too strong especially in conjunction with gardening, so I've just put it back down to 1u:3.7mmol. Let's see how that goes.
- Tomorrow is my first day of work where I will be pregnant. I have a rather unpleasant bunch of students to teach, and I hope, for my sake, that they behave themselves. I will not hesitate to "pop down to the office to get something" if I feel they are upsetting me or getting my heart rate up at all!
- I can count things in pregnancy-numbers now: 4 weeks 3 days pregnant.
So, that is all. Sorry about the rather random haphazard post today. It's nearly 11pm and I am beat. Also, just gone low. Also, getting a twinge right now!
Sing it with me: I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope Tuesday's beta is a good positive number; strong doubling is what I am hoping for.
Thank you for the flood of support you have offered me. It is truly humbling to know that so many people across the world are supportive. Thank you! :D
Friday, November 1, 2013
11dp3dt - 1st Beta HCG
It's good news folks. Yes! Pregnant!
We were waiting and waiting for the call. I was trying really hard to be patient, and since the nurse had said it would be around 2 - 3pm call time, when it ticked over 3pm I started to consider phoning the clinic myself!
Hubby kept me busy by handing me some work (coding, occupies the brain quite well) then we went for a drive to his new work to collect some files for a new project. My sister also works there and when she saw me she meerkat-ed up from her desk and was like "are you..., do you know?" And I had to tell her "no news".
3.45pm: We drove home, and just as we were parking the car Nurse P called! She said "I have some great news, you're pregnant congratulations!" She then went on to say that they like a number over 50 for day 14*, and my bHCG test came back as 94! She was really positive and sounded confident, which has given us confidence to start believing it, a bit.
(* day 14 = what the nurse said, as in I have been counting wrong all these days. It is actually 11dp3dt. Doh.)
The emotions are predominantly shock, relief, happiness, and OMG! We smiled a lot, and Hubby shed a tear and got all giggly! I think Hubby felt the truth of the news much sooner than me, as I am still not having a really strong emotional reaction. But, a part of that is that I have been feeling the symptoms for days now, so I would have been mighty surprised if it came back negative.
Nurse P went on to say that I would need to repeat the test on Tuesday (which will be 15dp3dt or day 18) and they will call again in the afternoon with results.
I have been looking online for beta doubling numbers, and of course Google does not have the answers I am looking for. Namely, what MY result will be!
Diabetes-wise, I had my suspicions that this IVF thing had worked when I started getting low blood sugars in amongst all that progesterone. One of the first ways that a type 1 diabetic is affected by pregnancy is by lows. So, that was actually the first hint. Plus, I am pretty sure I felt implantation, it was sharp like a really bad pulled abdominal muscle. At the time I was pretty sure it would have been too early, but on doing more research I realise it was just about the right time.
So, time to tell people. I had several stern words from family and friends yesterday who have been following and supporting us all through out journey. Mainly they wanted to tell me that I must put them out of their suspense-misery quick smart!
We drove around to my parents place (they both have the week off work which is convenient) but they were out, so I sent them a neutral-flavoured text asking when they would be home. 15 mins, right, see you then.
In the meantime we skipped over to Hubby's Mum's place and she was the first person we told. In the back garden, in the sunshine, with her neighbours looking on :) She gave us both a big hug and looked really, really happy.
Because MIL had mentioned that eldest-stepson was coming to have dinner with her, Hubby thought it would be a good idea to track him down (he works after school at his high school IT dept.) just so both he and MIL could know together for their dinner. We texted him, then went and gave him the news in the school library. He gave us both a big hug and smiled.
Next up, we tried visiting my parents again and they were home with the door wide open. We walked in and I said "We've got good news!" and my Mum just caught me in a big hug. Big hugs all round!
And lastly for the hug-a-thon, we tripped over to the kids' house to tell the two younger step kids, more smiles, hugs, and then we got to see youngest's new bike he's building.
By that time it was nearly dinner time, so Hubby suggested we go out to celebrate. Yay! We went and got Greek food. I was feeling pretty bloated, uncomfortable, crampy, sore, and I just felt so full it almost hurt to breathe. But soooooo happy. We couldn't stop smiling and saying "oh wow!"
While waiting for our meals, I texted a few of my friends who have been following our journey closely, and soon the phone was buzzing so much the waiter was giving me strange looks lol. Then one of my friends who is also TTC started asking me questions like, when does morning sickness start? and I realised I don't know. I then started thinking about all the other things I don't know.
And then, we talked about how both of us have been focusing so much on reaching this goal, that we haven't really considered pregnancy much. I know I haven't. I mean, I know it's coming, it's here, but I have had this superstitious thought that if I ponder what it would be like for me to be pregnant, count my chickens before they hatch etc etc, then I would jinx things.
All this is leading me to believe that I know embarrassingly little amount about actual pregnancy itself. Time to get reading.
And then I thought, what the hell, let's grab a couple of home pregnancy tests. And some antacids. And some more prunes. And chiiiiiiiipies!
And, as promised some days ago, here is a beautiful, beautiful picture. This is our embryo at 3 days old, 6 cells.
Thank you so much to everyone who hoped, prayed, wished us well, and crossed your fingers. All that love your sent must have helped! :D
We were waiting and waiting for the call. I was trying really hard to be patient, and since the nurse had said it would be around 2 - 3pm call time, when it ticked over 3pm I started to consider phoning the clinic myself!
Hubby kept me busy by handing me some work (coding, occupies the brain quite well) then we went for a drive to his new work to collect some files for a new project. My sister also works there and when she saw me she meerkat-ed up from her desk and was like "are you..., do you know?" And I had to tell her "no news".
3.45pm: We drove home, and just as we were parking the car Nurse P called! She said "I have some great news, you're pregnant congratulations!" She then went on to say that they like a number over 50 for day 14*, and my bHCG test came back as 94! She was really positive and sounded confident, which has given us confidence to start believing it, a bit.
(* day 14 = what the nurse said, as in I have been counting wrong all these days. It is actually 11dp3dt. Doh.)
The emotions are predominantly shock, relief, happiness, and OMG! We smiled a lot, and Hubby shed a tear and got all giggly! I think Hubby felt the truth of the news much sooner than me, as I am still not having a really strong emotional reaction. But, a part of that is that I have been feeling the symptoms for days now, so I would have been mighty surprised if it came back negative.
Nurse P went on to say that I would need to repeat the test on Tuesday (which will be 15dp3dt or day 18) and they will call again in the afternoon with results.
I have been looking online for beta doubling numbers, and of course Google does not have the answers I am looking for. Namely, what MY result will be!
Diabetes-wise, I had my suspicions that this IVF thing had worked when I started getting low blood sugars in amongst all that progesterone. One of the first ways that a type 1 diabetic is affected by pregnancy is by lows. So, that was actually the first hint. Plus, I am pretty sure I felt implantation, it was sharp like a really bad pulled abdominal muscle. At the time I was pretty sure it would have been too early, but on doing more research I realise it was just about the right time.
So, time to tell people. I had several stern words from family and friends yesterday who have been following and supporting us all through out journey. Mainly they wanted to tell me that I must put them out of their suspense-misery quick smart!
We drove around to my parents place (they both have the week off work which is convenient) but they were out, so I sent them a neutral-flavoured text asking when they would be home. 15 mins, right, see you then.
In the meantime we skipped over to Hubby's Mum's place and she was the first person we told. In the back garden, in the sunshine, with her neighbours looking on :) She gave us both a big hug and looked really, really happy.
Because MIL had mentioned that eldest-stepson was coming to have dinner with her, Hubby thought it would be a good idea to track him down (he works after school at his high school IT dept.) just so both he and MIL could know together for their dinner. We texted him, then went and gave him the news in the school library. He gave us both a big hug and smiled.
Next up, we tried visiting my parents again and they were home with the door wide open. We walked in and I said "We've got good news!" and my Mum just caught me in a big hug. Big hugs all round!
And lastly for the hug-a-thon, we tripped over to the kids' house to tell the two younger step kids, more smiles, hugs, and then we got to see youngest's new bike he's building.
By that time it was nearly dinner time, so Hubby suggested we go out to celebrate. Yay! We went and got Greek food. I was feeling pretty bloated, uncomfortable, crampy, sore, and I just felt so full it almost hurt to breathe. But soooooo happy. We couldn't stop smiling and saying "oh wow!"
While waiting for our meals, I texted a few of my friends who have been following our journey closely, and soon the phone was buzzing so much the waiter was giving me strange looks lol. Then one of my friends who is also TTC started asking me questions like, when does morning sickness start? and I realised I don't know. I then started thinking about all the other things I don't know.
And then, we talked about how both of us have been focusing so much on reaching this goal, that we haven't really considered pregnancy much. I know I haven't. I mean, I know it's coming, it's here, but I have had this superstitious thought that if I ponder what it would be like for me to be pregnant, count my chickens before they hatch etc etc, then I would jinx things.
All this is leading me to believe that I know embarrassingly little amount about actual pregnancy itself. Time to get reading.
And then I thought, what the hell, let's grab a couple of home pregnancy tests. And some antacids. And some more prunes. And chiiiiiiiipies!
 |
| My first positive home pregnancy test at 11dp3dt. The line is faint, but it's definitely there! |
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| Our embryo. Love. |