35w2d CTG monitoring for suspected placental failure

Yes yes I know, there has been a major gap in my posting on here. Sorry to have worried anyone! I appreciate those of you who have given me a poke with the comment stick hehe. Basically all is fine. But third trimester exhaustion hit me and I've been dealing with insulin resistance (blood sugars kept creeping upwards). Every evening I thought of posting I would fall asleep!

Here are some pictures of what happened yesterday:

Hi Interwebs! Check out my belly!

Oh it hasn't been all napping and falling asleep in the armchair around here. Or struggling to make it through the last several weeks of work (only 5 working days left, folks!!!) Oh no! In fact yesterday things got all interesting again as I found myself back up in Labour and Delivery having the baby's heart rate checked out, to check for placental failure. Fun times. Don't let that smile fool you.

From about 24 weeks onwards I started to get insulin resistance meaning that my blood sugars would be slightly higher each day, and a dose of insulin which worked one day, would no longer be enough. The treatment is not difficult, but it takes a huge amount of observation and dedication and trial and error to get right. Especially since it has to be done at least once a week, more likely every 3 days or so: adjusting insulin basal rates up, making insulin:carb ratios stronger, and giving more corrections throughout the day (and night) when those two prior things weren't doing the trick.

Cut to Friday, my 6th to last day at work, and I was feeling like crap. Had an awful night with barely any sleep due to almost constant low blood glucose alarms going off. I must have drunk nearly 750ml of juice throughout the night! Plus now that I'm so huge, reflux/heartburn and belly/back aches have made my nights a bit of a living hell. If I could get away with just staying awake for the rest of this pregnancy, I think I'd take it as lying down can be most uncomfortable if I'm overtired.

I checked back over my blood glucose logs and noticed that my blood sugars had been dropping more and more from Wednesday through to Friday. This set off some mild alarm bells. It could be that because I was mid-34w that my insulin resistance was starting to wane, and that would be, from what I read, somewhat normal for the increases in blood glucose to plateau out a bit. But this was a drop. I was running -30% temp basals and still getting lows. I was drinking juice by the glass and needing more in half and hour. Not normal. Plus I felt like arse. So tired, so achy, got cankles. Boo.

After scouring the interwebs on Friday night and getting help from some lovely FB ppl, I decided to give things one more night and see if they would fix themselves. Nope. So Saturday morning I messaged my Diabetes Nurse Educator who promptly phoned my OB and they both wanted me in immediately for CTG monitoring just to check for placental failure (where the placenta has started to degrade and so the baby isn't getting the blood supply it needs). I once again felt like a silly fool traipsing up the road to the hospital when by all outward appearances I was well and good. But there are no maternal symptoms of placental failure so for once I was actually quite thankful to have diabetes - my blood sugar drop being a potential early warning sign! Yay for the silver lining! :)

A lovely little British nurse got me setup on the monitor at about 11.30am, and since I had told Hubby there was no real need for him to come and sit and be bored with me in hospital, I was left alone with the wonderful sound of Tiny Fish's heartbeat.

30 mins later she came back to check on me, and kinda hummed and hawed at the graph. She said that the heart rate was good, but there wasn't really much variability. It showed one "tightening" of the uterus, but didn't capture any braxton hicks contractions in the entire time I was there. She decided to leave the monitors on for another 30 mins. I rolled to my left side at her suggestion to try and wake Tiny Fish up, even though I thought baby was already awake with some gentle movement happening. This helped to increase the variability of the heart rate which was what the midwife was looking for. She said that normally this would be a perfectly acceptable graph, but with my diabetes and the low blood she wanted to see a "perfect" graph before letting me go.

It was really nice, one of the first things she said when she came in was "I've read your notes" (Wow!!!) and I see you are Type 1, I don't know much about Type 1 as most women we get through here are Type 2 or gestational. Tell me about it" Just, wow!!! That's so awesome to have a healthcare professional being so open and friendly, and genuinely wanting to know all about Type 1 and how I manage it. She was fascinated by the CGM, and kept asking me interesting and intelligent questions about how I deal with different aspects of my diabetes. She even wanted to check with me who she should call if there was a problem with the heart rate! (It was awesome that my OB was scheduled on shift that morning. I didn't get to see him, but I believe she checked the graph with him).

At one point I was on my own again, and I noticed that Tiny Fish's heart rate that had been sitting at about 144 - 146bpm was suddenly going 140, 139, 138, 137... I felt fine, but I checked my Dexcom graph and saw that I was indeed slipping ever so slowly low:

I had been in hospital for an hour and a quarter, right across lunchtime, and had no food. Lucky I packed a banana, muesli bar, mandarin, juice... My blood glucose meter was, as normal, slacking and only showed 5.5mmol (a no-drama number), and no alarms had gone off on the dex. So I decided to see what would happen for a minute. Not long, but it intrigued me greatly that the baby's heart rate would start dropping noticeably before I felt symptoms or got low alarms. Shortly after that, the midwife came back in and by that stage I felt it necessary to eat the banana. She too was interested, and of course insisted that I stay a further 30 mins. Gah. She also threatened me with a hospital lunch but I said no thanks I have plenty!

Another goodly wait and Tiny Fish got the hiccups. The were strong enough to be seen moving my belly, and through the CTG monitor they were very loud! They were so strong the monitor kept slipping to the point that I couldn't keep it lined up with my hand, and the CTG alarm started going loudly. So that, plus loud hiccups, plus dexcom alarms, plus my phone buzzing with incoming text messages (hey, I was bored!) and soon another midwife came quickly in to sort me out. She looked at the graph and decided it was pretty good. My midwife came back in and ripped off the paper print out and took it out to get checked, and then I was released!

I packed up and got all the jelly wiped off my belly. Walking back up the corridor I started bumping into folks from my antenatal class, another and another. What was going on? Oh riiiiiiight, this was the antenatal class tour of the labour ward! lol. I was starving (hey, a banana and muesli bar is NOT enough at this stage ok) and hubby was on his way to pick me up so I decided to flag the tour. But they were all like "oh is this where we meet?" "um, yeah, I've just been in here for monitoring, I'm not staying for the tour" "Oh! Are you ok???!" "Yep, got the all clear".

So it was the result I expected, no problems, and next scan is on Thursday. But since we live so close to the hospital it is worth getting checked out anytime I see something unusual. This week is my last week of work with handovers to all the new tutors (5 replacements!) and I have 4 official medical appointments, with a recommendation from the midwife to go for another CTG monitoring session after the scan on Thursday. Current thinking is that I will talk to my boss about working shorter hours this week as the exhaustion is just getting too much for me. Hopefully I can just work mornings??? We will see :)

Thanks for reading :)

19w3d Swimming and sore thigh

Tiny Fish is somersaulting and kicking as I type this :)

I've been swimming twice with the insulin pump infusion site and Dexcom transmitter in. At first, on the weekend, I was worried about going untethered from the pump (would I go too high without insulin? Or too low with all the exercise. Answer = too low) and what the pool water might do to the adhesives or reliability of the Dexcom.

Turns out it was fine. My Dexcom has a whopping great piece of opsite Flexifix taped over it (with a little window so the transmitter can poke through) so the adhesive was really no issue. The infusion site (inset30) was at the end of its 3 days so was already a little worse for wear.

All in all it felt marvelous to be in the water and we went again tonight after work. Even with a banana beforehand I still drop between 4 - 6mmol in 40 mins untethered. But then I do climb to about 11mmol a couple of hours later. This rise is due to the lack of basal plus the emergency juice after the swim. Must try basal reduction prior to the swim itself.

In other news: OWWWWW!!!

My right thigh is hu-uu-rting! It gets tingly then goes numb on the main muscle down the front/outside of the thigh. Then it gets achy. Then the ache gets a bit stabby. Then my hip gets achy and stabby cos it feels all left out. Long story short: standing and walking hurt. Standing to take a shower hurts. Sitting or lying down makes it better. Even though I have a job that has many hours in front of a computer, I still do a lot of traipsing around campus and it's surprising how many people think it's cool to have long-winded chats in the hallway, standing up, with no chairs ready to rescue me!

I asked my OB about this when I met him the other week and he wasn't too concerned, just said to watch if it got worse. Well, it's definitely worse.

So I gave in and texted my midwife asking her advice. She thinks it might either be a pinched nerve or maybe a torn ligament in my hip. I am going to call a physiotherapist (I can do self referral which is quicker, but it would be pay out of pocket either way) tomorrow morning hopefully.

Oh and I had a quick unexpected catchup with my pump reps T and K today up at the hospital. On Saturday night I was having a headache, exhaustion, and lows. The Dexcom and the vibe (both of which had new sites inserted that evening after the first swim) took it upon themselves to wake me up no less than 20 times with various low alarms, false low alarms, error code 0, error code 1, calibration warnings, and reminders that the calibrations were failing. Bah! By 3am I gave up and turned the CGM functionality off both devices just so I could get some sleep.

An email to my rep in the morning and she offered to meet up and bring me a replacement sensor, and explain the error codes. Since they are normally in another city it was an unexpected pleasure to get to see both of them face to face. :)

And now for some devastating news. You might want to click away now if you're not in a particularly happy spot right now as this next bit is just utterly heartbreaking :(

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My little second cousin, a 10 year old boy, has just been diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer with a simply awful prognosis. He's already about to have his second surgery in a month, the first removed a strange lump and now that pathology has finally identified it he's been rushed to the children's hospital. He is not expected to out live his parents. Apart from some radical drugs in clinical trials, surgeries are the only option. Chemo and radiation don't really work well for this type. Our whole family is pretty much in shock and I would love advice from anyone about how I can best support my cousins at this time.

So, that's it for now. I don't expect to be posting many updates about my cousin as that's not really my story to tell. I'll just see how it goes and do what I can for them.

16w Lows and Wardrobe Freakouts

Let's start with the more frivolous of today's two topics?

My pants don't fit. I have mostly skinny jeans and tight/tailored black work pants. And they all pretty much fail to do up satisfactorily now that I have the tiniest bump in the world. Lol

It is way too soon to start the great maternity-clothes hunt, but I have been getting more and more concerned about my upcoming work week (yes, I'm still on Christmas hols for another week yet! Who'd be a teacher?) especially since I have been living in about two t-shirts and tights for the past fortnight.

That just won't cut it as work attire. So I announced to my Hubby this morning that I was going to purchase a belly band. Off to the shops. I didn't get one, but instead got a couple of long tank shaped dresses that will work with a belt and cardi, and a long singlet to hide the great unbuttonedness.

There are relatively few options in my city for purchasing maternity wear and most of the good stuff I see online just doesn't make it this far. So I tried a shop that looks local and asked them for a belly band.

This was a mother and daughter run operation, and they were really wonderful to deal with. All their clothing is locally produced and it turned out that one of their seamstresses is a student of mine! So we got chatting and they took my measurements and promised to make a custom belly band and txt me when it was ready, all for half the price of what they were going for online. I felt like they really looked after me. Such a rare occurrence in any sort of shopping these days.

Second topic: lows. I'm in the second trimester already why won't these low blood sugars leave me alone? I have heard the alarms ring on the Dexcom so.many.times today :( And juice doesn't seem to make any difference. If I don't get the low up quick enough I will feel faint and nauseous so badly I can't stand up. And then the headache will start.

I've been fighting this low since before lunch and it's now after 8pm. I get up to maybe 5 or 6mmol only to have it crash down again within the hour. I've had over a lute of juice today. And that's the other thing: I can't physically eat too much or I get horrible gut cramps, and too much juice is bad for the day after if you know what I mean. But for me going low kicks my digestive system into immediate overdrive so I'm liable to end up with gut cramps either was.

It hurts to breathe deeply at the moment. I can only imagine what it will be like once the Tiny Fish is a little larger!

I have a checkup with my midwife on Monday so I'll ask her about it.

I made it through yesterday awake, but perhaps I did too much going out on a bush walk / photoshoot? Sigh. I have just taken a couple of paracetamol and now I'm off for a nap.

12w3d Second midwife appointment

We got to hear the heartbeat tonight! Our midwife R said it could take a while to find the heartbeat using the Doppler, or even be impossible, but our little TF was loud and strong straight away.

It is nestled low down, and R thinks that my uterus has come up above my public bone already. She noted that the pubic bone itself was quite low down.

The appointment was about 1.5hrs and we were able to ask a lot of questions and learn about all manner of things.

We spoke about pre-eclampsia and how it could be detected in me since, as a woman with Type 1 Diabetes, I unfortunately already spill protein in my urine. Thankfully there are other markers of the disease such as high blood pressure. Hubby suggested borrowing my Dad's home blood pressure monitor to test me every couple of days and R agreed that from 28w that would be a good idea. She also told us about some other women she'd worked with who had experienced pre-eclampsia and told us what happened for them.

I still has to do a urine dip stick test for both protein and glucose (!) and surprisingly the protein test came back near-enough to negative. I have no idea how that happened. As expected the glucose test came back 3+, and I offered to do a blood test for her, and showed her the Dex readings but she didn't want them. Sigh. Will keep working on that one!

I have had this nasty head cold for a couple of weeks now. Last night I gave in and took 2x paracetamol which of course threw the Dex readings out for 8hrs :( Boo. R suggested that a trip along to the GP would be a good idea to check I don't have a sinus infection. R said that it is now a bit safer for me to take antibiotics should I need them.

I asked about the pains I've been getting low down just above my hips. These happen especially when I wake up at night and turn over too quickly. Or reach for a tissue because I'm up all night sneezing. Seriously, I was up 6 times last night variously peeing, sneezing, or treating lows. R said they are probably just round ligament pain and completely normal, however if they are low and central then that would be bad. She also advised to roll over with my knees together, and advised not to stand on one foot as it can aggravate a central ligament.

I'm sure we talk about more, but that's all I remember for now. Next appointment will be in about a month.

11w3d Christmas Eve-Eve

Christmas shopping is all finished (hooray) and this evening I put up the tree and then we wrapped all the pressies. Including the first thing ever for our one on the way:



Here is the tree, with massively oversized tinsel star that keeps threatening to tip the whole lot over:



Pregnancy symptoms at 11 weeks seem to be settling down a bit. Over the past 3 or 4 days I've gotten a lot of my energy back. A week ago I set the record at 3 naps in one day, not including the 11.30am sleep in. Then I got a horrendous head cold that featured loud sneezing with nose like a tap.

I have given my cold to Hubby and his Mum, and now I'm feeling better lol :P

Breathing is feeling a bit weird at times, kind of like the feeling you get when the cat is sleeping on your chest.

I've upped my breakfast to be one slice of gluten-free toast with lashings if crunchy peanut butter, a cup of decaf-tea with raw sugar and trim milk, a handful of prunes and a nectarine or a couple of fresh apricots.

I still haven't gained any weight (57kg) but I have reorganized what I've got: arms and face seem a bit skinnier while belly may? Seem? Rounder? we are taking photos but even though I'm frustrated at being stick with hardly any pant to wear and still being a long way away from maternity clothing, there is no obvious "popping" yet.

Getting a lot of lows at the moment, and they generally seem to take double the amount of carbs to get me back to fighting fit. So two juice boxes instead of one. I got so frustrated with juice that I've started eating glucose tablets again :-/

Getting what may be a few food aversions to beef, some chicken dishes that I normally love, and generally being slightly nauseated by awful smells. No real cravings but I do find I must snack or eat meals every 2hrs or so otherwise I feel slightly weird/ill. When I go low I go pale and get tired needing to sit down immediately.

Still having mild trouble with constipation, but can't really complain since I've been doing idiotic things like swapping my pre-natal vitamins from bedtime to morning (not cos I forgot! Honest!).

I got out in the garden for two days and tidied things up in preparation for hosting Christmas lunch for our parents. Kids will be here for breakfast and back for dinner at my parents house.

After over a month of waking at 4am for a low blood sugar that would haunt me until dawn, I finally remembered to actually so something about it. Cue messing with nighttime basal rates at 1am the other night! Result? Flat as a pancake from midnite to 8am woohoo!!! Very proud of me self on that one. Guessing it won't last too long before things all change again.

So, Merry Christmas to all you lovely readers. Have a wonderful day and I hope Santa brings you what you asked for!

P.s. Can I ask you all to say a little wish/prayer for a good friend of mine who is doing clomid treatment right now and has, 2 days before Christmas, got another negative result. She's battling on but getting a little overwhelmed and considering IVF. I really hope her next cycle works and she gets what she's been dreaming of! Thank you! :)

Slightly belated: 7w6d ultrasound

Sorry to keep you all waiting so long, my only excuse is that I have been exhausted. Like, take a nap at 3pm exhausted!

Great news: we had the "8 week" ultrasound done on Thursday 28th 2013 when I was 7w6d.

Here is a piccy:

The size of a raspberry? Kidney bean?

If you need help deciphering the picture, the line between the two little white crosses is the crown to rump length CRL 1.29cm, and the head is down with bum up. The left curve is the back, and the interesting fluffy parts on the right is the umbilical cord, and perhaps arm and leg paddles? Who knows. We saw a good heartbeat of 164bpm which the OB/sonographer said was right on target. She also looked a bit bored but basically told us that everything looks right on track.

I have never been so relieved to see some flashing, pulsing pixels in my life.

Hubby filmed it on his phone, so I will try and post the video up sometime too.

When the OB checked my ovaries, she said they were still quite swollen, and even asked if I had been overstimulated. They were big and empty looking. She said they were still recovering, but I hadn't expected that to take so long. Who knew the ER would be so damaging to them?

In other news, we had another chat about the ante-natal testing, and Hubby basically came to the conclusion that I will worry like a crazy woman unless I know, and I came to the conclusion that if it was really that important to him I could live with not doing the testing. End result is that we have agreed to do the testing including blood screening test and nuchal translucency ultrasound scan. I am pretty relieved about that. It means a great deal to me that should we find anything, I can have time to prepare myself.

Symptoms? Yes. Plenty.

Sheer and all-encompassing exhaustion is the major one at the moment. I am fine (sort of) and awake one moment, and the next I am the walking dead. lol. Mostly I can get through the day, but I am taking some serious cat-naps in the weekends.

No morning sickness. And that is the way I have decided it shall stay! There has been a little bit of mild nausea, but it's actually more like what I would describe as extreme hunger. As a diabetic I don't get hungry, like ever and this is because I am and have always eaten on a regular schedule. On the rare occasions when I have experienced hunger (from illness etc) I never really recognise it as such, and it instead feels a lot like a cold, slightly nauseas feeling radiating out from my sternum/high-stomach area. It's not an "I'm about to puke" feeling, and it usually goes away with application of noms.

I am sneezing a lot at the moment, not sure if it's hayfever or just irritation from the increased blood supply to well, everywhere including my nose that's doing it. It's tolerable but if it gets much worse I will have to look and see if I can take any hayfever meds... don't like my chances though.

Peeing is my new hobby. My record at night is 3 times. And none of those was caused by a low or low alarm.

Prunes and kiwifruit are my new best friends, as are bottles of water.

My diabetes is being...predictable. Well, almost. It's not terribly stable, in that I am going low multiple times per day (and night), but the predictability comes in the timing of those lows. They tend to happen about 2hrs post meal. My DNE nurse put my I:C ratios up for all main meals a couple of weeks ago when I was still having quite a few highs. At the time I thought the increases in I:Cs were a bit late, since I could already tell that my blood sugars were dropping. And now they are tanking multiple times per day, however the insulin doesn't kick in soon enough if I take it when I start eating (I know, I know, supposed to take it earlier!) and I am still getting a noticeable rise in blood sugar after a meal. Trouble is by the time the bulk of the insulin is kicking in, the food is wearing off and that's when I go low.

When I was last on the phone to my DNE she recommended that I eat a lot MORE food and a lot more fat and protein, especially for lunch. Well, I have been trying that for a week now. I feel stuffed to the gunnels most of the time and have regained half a kilo (after losing 1.5Kg in 2 weeks which is what got her so worried). I do get more hunger feelings that I am used to, however I cannot really handle eating this quantity of food PLUS all the emergency food I am eating/drinking to get my blood sugars up when they go low.

This evening I went to the supermarket to get three things: yoghurt, strawberries, and bananas. Smoothie time. Well, I pulled into the carpark and since my Dex was still on start-up, I did a quick test. 3.8mmol so I drank a juice, ate an afghan bar and decided to wait. The Dex and Vibe then both started bleating for calibration tests, so I did those too. My brain was foggy but not so foggy that I couldn't do a quick nip into the supermarket. I had a written list and I thought I had just eaten all of my food - turns out my foggy brain had completely forgotten about the pack of jelly beans in the globe box, as well as doing anything sensible like phoning Hubby. Sigh. My brain just gets super fixated on a single thing, in this case I knew that the supermarket had food, and I knew I needed sugar, so that's where I went.

Got a trolley to hang on to instead of just a basket, and started working my way slowly through the shop to get the items on the list. Note to self: do not shop while low. What should have been a $15 trip cost $90!!!! All manner of tasty treats found their way into my trolley! Whoops! Just before I got to the checkout, I started to panic a bit as the low symptoms were coming on really strongly. I must have been looking rather pale as several shelf-packers gave me weird looks. I headed to the drink aisle to get something sweet and fast. Ended up grabbing a bottle of lucozade which is 68g of carbs in a bottle, but no caffeine - I checked.

At the checkout, the woman in the queue in front of me was taking forever. Then she decided to pay using a credit card that wouldn't scan. The receipt finally printed and the checkout-chick tried to fold it up, got is scrumpled up, tried again, and again; there was lots of smiling and laughing amongst them while I contemplated breaking all the social conventions of supermarket shopping by ripping into the lucozade before actually buying it. I had my eftpos card out and ready. I was standing with both feet flat, the trolley wedged against the counter so that I could lean on it. Even in my hazy mind I knew that 3 point support wouldn't tip over! Finally I got my groceries scanned, paid for and bagged, and headed out to the car. Got things loaded in ok, all while the world wooshed and fuzzed around me. A bit of a mix between extreme tiredness and hyper-sensitivity to lights and colours. My brain slows right down and I must carefully check every thought to ensure that what I am doing is correct, will use the least energy until I can get more glucose in me, and will not be liable to draw unwanted attention to me. I am quite good at this (I think) so managed to do a moderate sized grocery shop on a blood sugar of about 3mmol (and it was still dropping at one point, with Dex alarms blaring!) all while no one around me was any the wiser.

Got that lucozade in me, waited, tested and as soon as my brain felt ok, and the test was over 5mmol I drove home.

Hoping to get my DNE nurse on the phone early this week to see what she suggests to sort this out. And eating more is not practical!!! I just do not have room!

Only a could of weeks of work left and then I will be on Christmas holidays. Yay!

Thank you to everyone who wrote comments on my last post with advice and support. I really appreciate you help :D

5w2d a useless appointment with the GP

Yesterday we duly trotted along to see our GP to tell him I'm pregnant and ask for advice on getting a midwife and an OB.

Turns out, our GP was pretty much useless and couldn't really tell me anything I didn't already know.

So now it's once again up to us to research and figure out exactly what services are funded and how to access them.

Because I'm Type 1 Diabetic I should be allocated an OB since I'm classed as a "high risk" pregnancy. I seriously hope I never really need the help of the OB, but I definitely want those skills available to me!

My husband, having had 3 kids previously is very keen on a midwife and I like that idea too. I can have both I believe, and I've looked up local midwives online and found a couple who may be good matches. One in particular states that she works closely with specialists - and I will have a lot of specialists.

There is one OB/GYN that I really want, but she is private and I'm not sure if she is available through hospital funding. The GP confused me on this - I couldn't tell if he meant the local district health board or the patient would be charged several thousand dollars.

Anyway, I will be calling quite a few places on Monday to get some answers and to hopefully book in to meet them.

One important thing I have to do is sort out where my 8w scan will be, either the radiology place or perhaps at this OB's clinic as she has some fancy ultrasound equipment which is one of her big drawcards.

My symptoms these past couple of days are pretty mild. I feel really good in myself, and positive overall. I have noticed I am getting minor nosebleeds and also severe head rushes when I stand or sit up, to the point where my vision goes black for a second.

Since cutting back the progesterone to 300 and today just 200mg p/day, my blood sugars have been a lot more stable. Heavenly almost. I am no longer having to use a temp basal. I think the "serious hypo unaware lows" of the first trimester have hit, and my juice consumption has risen back up again. It's not too bad and I'm able to treat myself and watch for them on the Dex, but even do I've still adjusted my breakfast I:C ratio to be a weaker 1:7.

Still peeing like a champion, and getting thirsty as a result all the time. Fatigue is with me especially in the afternoons, and I am currently going to bed early while the teens stay up watching movies!

Although I have no morning sickness or nausea (hooray) I am finding that watching what I eat closely (do deli, no caffeine, no uncounted-unbolused carbs etc) mean that I am generally hungry quite soon again after meals. Hard to tell if this is real hunger, or thirst, or just my body going "holy heck did you finally figure out how to stop the post-prandial blood sugar spike??!"

Note to self: once again, you have proof in the form of blood sugar reading that show work and stress is bad for your health.

Went for a moderate 1hr bike ride today and it felt really good to be out moving. I often feel really sleepy in the evenings, but also in dire need of a walk at least.

My lower tummy is actually slimmer this week than last week, I think that is the effect of all the injectables wearing off. Hubby has been taking pictures of my "belly" aww he's so cute!

In terms of texture, it used to feel squishy like inner-thigh flab, and now when I press my tummy there is a definite firmness. Inside, the cramping has eased, although I feel a pretty constant pressure. There are still the occasional twinge or cramp, and when I woke up this morning I sat up way too fast causing not only a bad sharp cramp but also a spinny head rush.

14dp3dt My Husband is wonderful

It's nearly midnight and I am a bit of a mess. I have been battling high blood sugars now (above 15mmol) for several hours and I'm now 2.9mmol. Very low. Amazed I can type coherently even.

This progesterone is totally kicking my butt. Plus I suspect I may be making my own now.

Today was a tough class to teach. I didn't enjoy it and my heart rate got raised. So did my bloodsugar from the stress. That is where today's roller coaster started.

After lunch a high caught me and wouldn't let go for several hours. This one I attribute to accidentally buying a white-bread sandwich that I thought was brown bread. Boo. Sux when something so stupid can wreck and ruin things like it did.

I went low just at the time before dinner when my Diabetes Nurse Educator phoned. We have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, and since she didn't know that I'm now pregnant it was vital I talk to her about these stubborn highs.

Actually I thought I wasnt doing too bad, diabetes-wise, before she said it was urgent to get these under control, and that it would have been more ideal if they had been under control at conception. I said "they were!!" I have been working so hard to keep my numbers safe. And I was doing bloody well before IVF drugs and pregnancy hormones jumped in the ball-pit!

Anyway, it was a friendly Chet and she gave me lots of new (much stronger) insulin to carb ratios which will increase my meal boluses by 30 - 50%. That's huge and I'm not convinced. But I tried it for dinner (another bad choice: takeout, but I'm exhausted, we both are) and at first I thought oh hey this is working! I'm flatlining after a burger! Brill!

And then suddenly about and hour after dinner my blood glucose just took a massive ramp up. Climbing and climbing, until it got over 18mmol!!! I was frantic. Drinking loads of water, giving as much insulin as I dared. Still nothing worked and it kept rising.

I have read of other T1D pregnant women feeling guilty over high blood sugar, but this wasn't just guilt, this was fear, terror. High blood sugars can result in all sorts of bad things for the foetus which I daren't write here. Just google type 1 diabetes and pregnant to scare yourself shirtless. :(

I gave upwards of 4 correction boluses and put a 30% temp basal increase in place as I was about to have more progesterone which will make my blood sugar rise.

And them I decided to check the line for bubble. Bloody bubbles! With only 57 units left (I know, that sounds like too much to throw away to me too) I ripped out the set and put a new infusion site in. When I pulled the cartridge out of my pump it looked all bubbly like sprite. Useless. So, bubbles are another defendant in the case against high blood sugars.

We toddled off to bed, and I was finally dropping, but with double arrows straight down. I felt terrible, the cramping was just cramping up as it tends to do whenever my blood sugar goes low or high or moves too fast (same thing happens on period so not too concerned) and I was exhausted from the day and trying to beat back highs.

I cried and told Hubby I was scared. I'm doing what I feel is my best and it's not good enough. It's one thing to avoid caffeine, but when it comes to the really important stuff like controlling my blood sugar I can't do it. I'm trying so hard. It feels like everything I do with my diabetes management is hurting me, and worst, hurting my baby. My baby. Wow. That made me well up. I feel very helpless not being able to provide a safe, stable blood sugar environment. I'm doing my best. I won't give up I will get this sorted. I knew it wouldn't be easy.

But sometimes you just have to lie there and be held as you pour your heart out to you soul mate and he cuddles you and tells you it's going to be fine and that he's proud of the amazing job you're doing.

I'm crying through this. I know a lot of it is probably the hormones giving my emotions a hiding, and coming out of a low, (5.2 now, thank God) and the sheer overwhelmed-ness I feel having gone through this IVF process. The lead up has been so long and harrowing. Now that the embryo is in me, I feel an enormous responsibility to do my best to keep as healthy as possible.

So, I am being proactive and making a plan:

- DNE's new insulin to carb ratios may be too strong, but I shall try them for a couple of days and then change them if necessary.

- I will txt my DNE to ask advice

- I will try to avoid white breads, rice, etc and other high-GI foods in large quantities.

- don't be lazy. Cook good food. We do get in the habit of eating out once or twice maybe per week.

- be gentle when correcting a low, and always have a stash of glucose with me.

- be gentle and kind to myself, and practice stress-reduction techniques.

- realize that I can only do my best, and what will be will be

Second beta is tomorrow. I have no symptoms to doubt this pregnancy, but I am so, so scared. Please send your love and hope and thoughts to us for a good rising beta.

Thank you for all of your support. This is scary and knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts really helps to calm me.

2dp3dt The waiting is hard

Because my mind is playing tricks on me and my body is doing this that are unusual.

Yesterday (Tues) I went back to work. I park my car down the bottom of a big hill and it normally takes me about 2mins to walk up it. Well. My feet felt like they were made of lead, my thighs were aching, my tummy was crampy (not really painful, just tense and heavy feeling). I slowed right down and just had to concentrate on breathing to get up the hill and to my first class.

I spent yesterday with pretty good blood sugars, although now I have the Dexcom I'm definitely more discerning and I don't like to be above about 12 mmol for any length of time.

Today when I woke the crampiness was much reduced, and it stopped quite suddenly at about 11am today - the same time my blood sugar dropped to 4.9 which is the lowest it's been in about 5 days.

This evening my left breast has a hard sore patch, feels like a sharp bruise, so in short I have no goddamn idea what these hormones are doing to me.

I am maintaining my positive outlook and I seem to be able to work ok. I definitely didn't get as tired today and worked a full day, then freelanced until 9.30pm!

Still avoiding caffeine, and I have been resisting the temptation to go get a kebab and instead every night i am cooking vege-rich meals, which is actually making me feel good.

With the pump and Dex site changes, the 3x daily progesterone (600mg total a day) I have actually forgotten my prenatal vitamins twice in the last 4 days. Felt a bit bad about this, but since I don't have a time machine I just have to leave that guilt and remember the next dose.

This evening I went quite high 15.0 and sat there for a while. Boluses weren't working and I realized my site change as due this morning. So I did that and changed the battery for the first time also. Good news is my blood sugar has dropped to 10.5 now, but that took a ezBG bolus, plus a normal bolus just to kick things along, plus the +20% increase basal.

It's hard to know what is a symptom and what isn't. Google is little help, but I have been reading forums about implantation signs and it seems like anything goes. Cramping is both good and an omen, or just your body recovering from the ER and ET. Sore boobs can be a sign, or a coincidence. Fatigue, cravings, having a westerly-facing letterbox: according to the interwebs these could all be predictors of both implantation or not.

So I am waiting with a certain about of chargrin. It's kind of nice to be in this space where Hubby and I can know we might be pregnant, but science can't tell yet, you know? Makes it even more special.

The lab sent me the embryo photo. Hubby thinks its cute. I will share it with you after I get the initial results. As I said in the previous paragraph, it's kinda nice having something private in all of this. Gosh, my whole office knows what I'm up to. My close family, several of my friends, plus Hubby's colleagues and friends and family too! I like to think of it as "sharing the burden either way"

CD 13: Fertilization report

Happy news! We have 3 good looking fertilized eggs!

Last night I went to visit my parents and got home a bit too late at 10.30pm. Hubby was already asleep! I slept well but was woken rudely by the Dexcom yelling at me that I was low. The first two times the alarm went off, I didn't look at it, rather I dreamed I looked at it and in my dream it said I was high lol. Getting up, doing a test, handling the pump and wobbling about getting juice was not fun, I had pretty much list my balance from a combination of tiredness, hypo, and effects of the sedation and codeine wearing off.

Woke this morning with a really sore throat. I later looked at my throat in the mirror and there are little nodules over my throat :( boo. By tummy felt a lot better and I was comfortable stretching out today. Still had some mild cramping this morning which has since eased, but mainly it feels like I have done a million low-ab crunches.

I took the first of my progesterone pessaries (yuk) called utrogestan, this morning. Little buggers are hard to get into "location"! I feel like I am filling up with little white marbles lol. So far my blood sugars have been going low, which may be a combination of previous hormones wearing off, and tiredness. Not sure if the lows are directly attributable to the progesterone yet, as I normally got higher in that part of my cycle.

Had a shower and by the time I came out into the lounge, Hubby was sitting on the couch with the number for the lab all dialled up and ready to call. We left the embryologist a message and asked her to call back to Hubby's cellphone. With that, we could leave the house knowing we would get the info.

I really wanted a walk, but I knew I wasn't up to that yet. I had read that gentle walking is good to help stimulate blood flow to the endometrium lining so that's another good reason to get up and about.

We had to get a warrant of fitness check for our car and it turned out that we needed a new tyre. At the tyre shop they were able to do it right away so we went for a gentle stroll into town and back for 20 mins. I have never wanted to sit down so badly! But it was excellent to get a walk to loosen up all my muscles.

We took the car back to the testing station and while standing in the carpark, in the glorious spring sunshine waiting for the re-check, we got the call from the embryologist, T.

I suddenly got a rush of worry and trepidation and nerves. Her first words gave no indication of what sort of news she was about to deliver. I was simultaneously deciding that it was bad news and that I wasn't sure what my reaction would be in the carpark, and I was making deals with myself about how many embryos would be "good" or "ok". I was silently hoping for 3.

When she said "it's good news" I just about sank with relief. T went on to explain how out of the 5 eggs, 3 has fertilized normally and looked great, one more had fertilized abnormally and failed to eject one of the DNA halves it needed to, and the fifth failed to fertilize at all. 3!!! Thats a 60% fertilization rate. Yay!!!! It's so amazing to think that we have just created 3 potential people!

The embryologist will phone us again tomorrow about lunch time to tell us how the three of the have grown/not-grown overnight. She will also be able to advise us whether we will need a day 3 or day 5 transfer. Today is day 1. If we need to do a day 3 transfer then we will be back on the road again tomorrow after lunch.

T had previously explained how there are pros and cons with transfers on both days 3 and 5. If there are only a few embryos then a day 3 ET is more likely, however if there are more then they might choose a 5 day ET to grow some on to blastocyst stage. Of course, it might mean that none grow-on, but as she pointed out that would just save us from a 2ww to find out the same result. However she also pointed out that some people believe a day 3 ET is better to grow the embryo in the natural surroundings, so to speak. I am not fussed. I kind of expect a day 3 ET simply because we only have 3 embryos (as of today) but I'm not fussed either way.

My boss and friend at work both know what's going on and they support me, so I will be able to take sick leave for either time. Actually, there's not really an option is there? I mean it's not like you can move this sort of appointment lol!

Symptoms today: I'm generally feeling much better. My brain has mostly returned. The nips have been incredibly tender and almost clenched? Well, painful anyway. They did start to relax a bit today. I had some minor bleeding from the egg retrieval yesterday which is petering out today. All in all I'm feeling... well. :D

I went very high after a lunch with MIL (damned pizza and cake :( boo) and actually slept for a couple of hours. Hubby cooked another lovely dinner of gurnard fish, roast potatoes and a salad with almond and Parmesan on top.

And now we are watching an old James Bond movie :)

CD 10: Blood test and trigger shot

I was full of beans for most of today even after the huge road trip (9.5hrs) yesterday, trying to get home from the clinic through a storm, floods, slips, bridges out, trees fallen over!

The fertility clinic had called yesterday and advised that I would need a blood test this morning (progesterone and something else...?) so I was up early, had my last Orgalutran injection, then it was off to the med lab to visit the vampires. I passed over my "regular fertility patient" card for the first time, and decided to get an HbA1c while I was there. The technician was really great and told me an awesome story about the last time she got stuck on the road after a crash involving, of all things, a molasses truck. Good times.

Work was alright and I taught my class fine. In the after-lunch session the nurse called to advise me of the exact time for the trigger shot (Ovidrel): 9.40pm tonight. Since the egg collection will be precisely 36hrs after trigger, that means our appointment will be 9.40am on Friday morning (CD 12).

Mid-afternoon I felt absolutely exhausted. Yesterday is really catching up with me! I went around to have a chat with my Mum, and the Dr G (who did the scan yesterday) called twice to give me advice about the egg retrieval procedure. I can't eat for 4, preferably 6 hrs before the procedure, and can't drink for 2hrs prior. If I go low I can manage things with small amounts of clear apple juice, but the doc would really prefer if I woke up early and ate a small breakfast (this would be at 5.40am). At one point she wanted me to disconnect the insulin pump altogether as she thought that would prevent hypos, but I quickly informed her that it delivers my basal and I can't take it off. She was cool with it once I explained the difference between basal and bolus doses, but man, I really hate when other medical professionals (especially well meaning ones I have only just met) make sweeping proclamations about Type 1 Diabetes management! She wanted to know what model of pump I had, cos, she said, if I had one of the newer ones with the cgm capability that would be better. Why yes, yes I do have one of those, and Animas Vibe with Dexcom CGM and it is fantastic. I should have done it ages ago. But hey.

Paracetemol (acetiminophen) is contra-indicated with the Dexcom, and the nurse yesterday had asked me to take 3 x panadol tabs before the procedure. Dr G confirmed that I could just skip that altogether as it would be far better to have Hubby able to monitor my blood sugars, and they could manage my pain with fentanyl and codeine... good stuff. Codeine normally doesn't cut pain for me, it only makes me loopy. And I have had fentanyl before with no pain so I figure I should be fine. I confirmed that they will have a dextrose drip handy should I go low during the egg collection, and to get the cannula line in as soon as possible. That's all I really wanted them to do. I did not want suggestions on the pump or anything, I can do that thanks, been doing diabetes management for 25 years, and now Hubby and I have the Dexcom it's taken it, in his words "from a dark art to a manageable science." Indeed.

Oh, and I also had to do an infusion site change, and a dexcom site change! I was working my way through those site changes methodically while Hubby cooked dinner, and it took me over half an hour. By the end of it I thought I was going to slide off my chair with tiredness, but a tasty dinner of fish cakes, bacon, eggs on toast worked well to perk me up.

I took a shower after dinner, and didn't hear any of the reminder alarms going off telling me to take the Ovidrel. Whoops! step out of the shower and the insulin pumps says 9.39pm OMG rush out dripping and rip the Ovidrel out of the fridge. I quickly prepped my skin with an alcohol wipe and stabbed it in no probs. But man, I could have thrown the whole schedule out of whack!

No drugs or anything tomorrow. We have been madly checking the road closure websites, and it looks like we should be able to take our preferred route up tomorrow afternoon. Although Hubby has also been checking the airlines to make sure we can take a flight should it all go pear shaped! I figure we are setting off the afternoon prior to our appointment for a 3 hr journey, that should give us enough time to drive even the longest way should we need it. But I have to teach one more class tomorrow before we leave. Thankfully I will only miss one class this week (I don't teach Friday's on this semester) and then maybe another couple of days next week if we get to embryo transfer. Fingers crossed. I believe I am calm now, but I suspect I might get more tense and nervous once the transfer takes place cos then it's just up to me.

CD 4: When the headache takes control

When I woke up this morning it was to in incessant bleep-blaring of an anxious Dexcom screaming that my blood sugar was low. Again. Two lows in one night and the result was my headache from yesterday growing super-powers. I felt awful this morning.

Some breakfast and out the door to work. Hubby offered to drive me in, which I though was a good idea since my head was feeling pretty fuzzy but it was live able.

At work things quickly deteriorated. I had a meeting and at the end of that I stood up and felt my stomach lurch: that moment when a headache takes on migraine qualities and suddenly there is aura, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, and head pain that is like a physical presence.

I got back to my shared office as soon as I could and downed some ibuprofen and a bottle of water. Blood sugars at this stage were thankfully stable at around 7 mmol.

I emailed Hubby to come collect me. I had lasted only until 10.45am :S

Once home, the neurofen kicked in and the pain went away. The pressure in my head was still there so I knew I had to be careful. I did some drawing and had lunch. Felt better. Read my book (great book! The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton)

And then I fell asleep in the armchair. I was awoken by the promise of junk food for dinner. :D

I've since brightened up and got a ravenous hunger for celery:



Nom nom nom. I love the watery fresh crispy taste.

Also I've just remembered that I should be not-drinking caffeine. Damn. Tea. I also looooove tea: black with trim milk and a spoon of raw sugar. Ooh so good. I'd bought a box of decaffeinated tea months ago and it tastes ok, but Hubby is very unsure if it's safe to drink. Being diabetic, there are very few tasty beverage choices. Juice is out (carbs), alcohol is out (I don't drink anyways), and milk is out (lactose doesn't like me in great quantities, plus, carbs). That leaves diet coke (yum, but caffeine and artificial sweeteners = headache material). Maybe tomato juice is the perfect option, but it just makes me thirstier. So. Water.

Oh, here are the pre-natal vitamins Im taking:



Left to right: Elevit with iodine, 1000 IU vitamin D (2 per night), 5mg folic acid.

That is all. Oh gawd damn! The Dex has just high alarmed again. I ate CELERY!!! (I should have eaten cake!)

CD 2 The Money Shot

Today I gave myself the Elonva injection; the one that will stimulate my ovaries to grow lots of follicles all at once.

After doing an infusion site change this morning, the Elonva injection seemed like nothing at all. The only bit I was worried about was the fancy schmancy spring-loaded syringe: inject, push plunger down, then once you release the plunger it springs back up inside the casing! And if you don't get the plunger all the way down then that's it! No second chances with this puppy!

You'll be relieved to know that it all went well, just as the instructions planned. The injection didn't hurt, but once I got near the end the sheer volume of liquid going in started to sting a bit. It didn't swell or go red or anything.

About half an hour later I was at work, and my blood sugar just tanked. I couldn't get off the floor and powered through my stash of emergency juice and mentos. This could have been the Elonva kicking in perhaps as it was accompanied by some weird cramps, or it could have been the arithromycin antibiotics that both Hubby and I took.

No real side effects for the rest of the day really. I have been peeing like a racehorse (unfortunately that's one of my low symptoms!) and have had very mild cramping and a really fuzzy brain. Not really able to concentrate on much!

There is nothing for me to do on this protocol except take my Pre-natal vitamins until CD 6 when I start the Orgalutran injections.

I've booked the motel as we are scheduled for a blood draw and scan in CD 9.

I let the nurse know via email about how I'm now hooked up to an insulin pump and dexcom, and her and the RE both seem to think it shouldn't interfere with the IVF treatment.

I am calm and relaxed about this. Every other medical thing I've done to my body has been a bit if an experiment, and so is this. There is no guarantee it will work perfectly, but it's also not a pass/fail situation; there are lots of other ways this could play out.

Could be that we get pregnant first go. Or I might get OHSS and have the cycle called off. The number of eggs I can muster up could be twenty or it could be zero. Things might fertilize or not. There might be some to freeze or not. Etc etc forever and ever. So many possibilities, which means do many chances for things to go in a ok-fine-good-great-wonderful direction.

Yep so that's where we're at today. More when something interesting happens or when I get some crazy hormone symptoms!

I want OFF this damn rollercoaster! Can you help?

Next week the students come back and I will be in teaching mode again. That will be exhausting but challenging work which I'm looking forward to.

The week just gone has been absolutely frenetic, with last minute course prep (still not done, and it's Sunday!), moving the entire Art department into a newly refurbished facility, oh yeah, and 3 days of compulsory academic staff training!! It's been super nuts.

I know my diabetes control has been degrading. It's like, seriously crappy at the moment. Here's the last 7 days for you:



(Apologies for having to twist your neck to see that!)

As you can see, I'm all over the map. There are some trends, which I guess are a blessing as it may just mean the Lantus (basal) dose is screwed up:




Massive peaks and troughs = massive headaches, tiredness, grumpiness, and brain-fogginess :(

So what I'm doing about it is some intensive tracking and analysis to see if I can figure out where the hell I'm going so wrong. I've just purchased Diabetes Diary for iPhone and that's where I got the pretty graphs. Have to say that so far, I'm liking this app the best of all. And I've tried most of them!

I'd been using the Insulin Calcilator app, made by the same folks (http://www.fridayforward.com/) for nearly a year now and I credit it with a 1.5% drop in my HbA1c, so I figured their diary app was worth a shot too. I like how the two apps work together. I can take a bloodsugar test, enter the results into the Insulin Calculator, then just press a button and it transfers all the data across to the Diabetes Diary, where I can add more info and make adjustments. Cool eh? :)

I think it's really good that I'm back in intensive analysis mode, because if 10+ bloodsugar tests a day aren't giving nice smooth control there must be something else going on. And I can't find it without graphs, averages, and data to help me.

Let's be clear: I test constantly. I inject semi-religiously, and I track it all in my paper log book:



But that doesn't give the instant clarity of a graph, or the insight of weekly averages. I hope this system helps. I suspect it will. I've done this intensive analysis thingy before and it has always had positive results, even if only minor.

BTW, if you can spot any major issues for me by looking at the graphs, please let me know in the comments. All help on nutting this one out is appreciated. :)

I take Lantus twice a day (11u breakfast, 9u dinner), and bolus with Humalog. I'm incredibly sensitive to changes in insulin, and am on child-size doses of Humalog. My I:C ratio is 1:14. I eat between 90 - 180g carbs per day including emergency food like juice and stuff. I walk, weather permitting :P And I work hard and get pretty stressed out at times, which never helps. Anything else you would like to know so you can help, let me know in the comments. Cheers everyone.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Overload and low blood pressure

Just because I have not been posting recently does not mean I do not love you all :)

I have still been following you all on Reader, but I have not had time to actually write about what's been happening in my life recently. I've come home early today (Friday) and made time to write to you all!

Life has not been terribly exciting, there has just been lots of it.

I am teaching (creating) 4 papers. I am enrolled in 3 papers. Strike that, as of 2.30pm this afternoon, I am enrolled only in 2 papers. Why does it not feel like a relief? Instead I feel guilty, like I have let me tutor down :( Sigh. Move on. Can't do it all.

I have 2 freelance projects on the go, both websites. One is paid, one is done for love.

My husband and I officially started a freelance business venture together yesterday, when we got a domain name. It has now turned from ideas and conversations to "this is real".

I made plans for us to travel next August to a design conference I like to attend each year. This has been hard to plan because, well, see the next point...

The interwebs at work have only worked 2 out of 5 days this week. For-crying-out-loud-I'm-the-Goddamn-Web-Design-tutor!!!! W.T.F. Sob.

The step-kids have been going nuts. Mr 16 turned up unannounced this afternoon and gave me a heart attack when I walked in the front door to see the TV on full noise and him sitting on the couch eating my noodles. OK, that shouldn't startle anyone, but when you are having a low blood sugar, and it's NOT a kids weekend this sort of surprise is NOT OK. Miss 14 is being a whiny pain, and Mr 10 has decided to revert to the behaviour patterns of a very naughty 3 year old. Last weekend when they were here I got so fed up with the way they were treating us that I gave them a stern talk about treating us better next weekend, because we like to be around them, but not when they make our lives so shitty. I am NOT to be treated as hotel staff, and my house is not to be used as a backpackers! Grrr. (Small voice in my head reminds me that my mother always enjoyed the thought of me growing up and having teenagers of my* own to cope with, and now she has the sage advice "this too will pass") *I think this is part of the problem - they are not my teenagers, and I am feeling left out of the experience.

I am currently low, as you may have picked up from the previous paragraph-o-rama. 3.3mmol/L

I also have low blood pressure. Over the last 3 weeks Kind Nurse at my new GPs has measured my BP every Friday. It's never been above 110/60. Today it was a measly 90/60. GP has (jokingly, I'm sure?) told me that if the bottom number drops below 60 then that = death.

(As a side note: seems that the 24hr urine test I did last week has come back with acceptable numbers, just a request to check I don't have high blood pressure [duh], so that, at least, is some good news in the week. Means my kidneys are not failing as bad as the GP thought, but no doubt I will have to have an appointment with him to discuss in detail what those results mean. Hopefully I don't have to have another kidney biopsy. I have already decided that the only acceptable time for me to have anaesthesia will be during IVF! Well, one can try to make plans eh?)

It is now the weekend and I am behind in everything. I have 3 logos to design, 3 websites to create, 1 assignment due on my Diploma of Tertiary Teaching course, 2 presentations to make, dinner to conjure, house to clean, dishwasher to fix, garden to weed, washing to put in washing machine and push buttons beep beep wish-wash wish-wash...

What were they thinking??

This is quite obviously a guy's ute. It has business branding all over it. Check out the number plate:




I know right? What were they thinking?? :P lol

In less trite news, I am now on holiday. I get ten days for mid-semester break - no students, no lesson plan, no meeting, no....dishwasher? Unfortunately yes, it be broken :( it takes our family exactly 2 days to use all the dishes we own.

So I've been doing a lot of house work, cleaning, loads of laundry.

And I like me new GPs office very much. Got a call from one of the nurses today about a discrepancy in my notes. She was super cool to talk to about sorting out a whole lot of blood work tests I need to get done, and getting a serial card so I can have an HbA1c whenever I want (read: remember).

She was also happy to add tests for fertility hormones, just because I want to be proactive and you know, know that stuff and not be surprised with it at any stage.

The nurse I spoke to is also really interested in diabetes, both types, and she encouraged me to come along for a free diabetes check. My old GP didn't make much of a case for this check, but my new GPs office is really into it. She explained that it will cover more than what my diabetes care team looks at, such as blood pressure, full blood work, feet, eyes etc. Hey, it's a free full physical. And I'm on holidays. What's not to like?

Oh yeah, the vampires. Had to get bloodwork done before I can have the check. Bah. Dislike.

BTW, it is not advisable to have a blood draw after you've just exercised for 30 mins and have a blood test of 4.7mmol/L. Causes near-fainting in the phlemotomist's chair. Lol

Ooh and the best bit! I still haven't told you the best bit: when I was on the phone to the nurse she got my new prescription for insulin et al. sorted out.

"How many vials do you normally get?" she asked.

"Um, my last doc just wanted to know how many units per day I use, and he would work it out. But it meant I never had enough to last me through the 3 months because I do a 1- 2 unit air-shot to get rid of bubbles."

"OK, we'll give you 5 vials of each Lantus and Humalog, and see if that's enough"

"*smile*" that's going to be 30 vials of insulin over 3 months!!! How awesome is that! I loooooove having backup supplies in the fridge. This means I could also put some spares at work too. How wonderful :)

(non-diabetic readers will probably wonder why I'm getting so excited over a prescription. Well it means that I will have an adequate backup supply of my absolutely essential insulin. It also means that my new doctor's office understands this and is willing to be flexible and helpful)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

All work, no rest

It has been a hectic two weeks. And the next two will be even crazier.

We had the step-kids come to stay, so their Mum and Step-Dad could go overseas for a mate's wedding.

Hubby had leave from his job so he could work as a sound engineer on a massive music festival held in town. He started on Thursday, so I haven't seen him during daylight hours for 4 days now. We have been meeting in the wee hours "hi how was your day?" "hmmph, go back to sleep". Although somehow, he still gets up to make me breakfast! Even working 15 hour days. Such a sweetie! :)

You know I am studying for my tertiary teaching diploma, well the deadline for the first assignment has snuck up on me. I have NOTHING prepared for it. I went and had an emergency meeting with my tutor, and she confused me even more. Bah! I goddamn hope I teach better than that! I sense a last-minute cram coming my way...

So, I'm a student in one class, I teach four classes, and for the next two weeks I will be team-teaching on a fifth class. I don't know how many hours per week I'm working, but all I know is that it doesn't stop once I get home! I got one night off last week, and every other night I was working on lesson plans until 10pm. It's getting tiring. I am living on vitamin B tablets and bad cafeteria sandwiches.

And that fifth class is on a subject that I've never taught before and don't really know much about: mark making (read: experimental drawing). Now, I'm a design tutor, not a fine art tutor. I had to have another emergency meeting with my HoD to discuss how overloaded I'm suddenly getting, and that I had basically NO CLUE what to teach for this class. She has kindly offered to help out with the lesson plan, but it's going to be cutting it close.

On the diabetes front, it's been all over the place. I have had quite a few bad lows mainly due to stress, or doing more exercise (just walking between classes mainly) than expected.

I also had a couple of interesting lows yesterday (Saturday). I went for a 1hr bike ride along the coast, and started off about 16mmol/L, by the half way point, I was sitting at 8 (good), and I mentally told myself that I would need to stop on the way home and drink the juice in my backpack, to save myself from going low. Well, I forgot. I sailed past my intended stop-point. I kept pedalling, but all of a sudden it was like my bike was made of cement. My thighs felt like jelly. The sun was incredibly hot, and I was in a cold sweat. I biked into a shady spot and got off. Sat on a rock, did a test. 3.5 (low) great. I skulled back the juice and decided that I had chosen a very pretty spot to stop. :) The juice was working, but at juice+10 mins I had not risen as fast as I would have liked, especially since I had to bike another 5Km home yet. I scrummaged around for a fruitbar and ate that too, then biked off home. I had to have a nap when I got home. Lucky I set an alarm, because when I woke an hour later I was down to 1.5mmol/L!! Cue: how to eat honey very very quickly.

In IF news, well, I am getting disillusioned. I think I have made a breakthrough in finding that the fertility clinic may have used the wrong CPAC form, or used it incorrectly, to figure out if we are eligible for publicly funded treatment. Trouble is, everyone I've told about it is being very quiet. I don't know where to take the information now. I feel really lost and alone in this fight, and with the effort it takes to keep up with work, keep up with diabetes, the IF stuff is just not getting the time it needs. I try to spend a couple of hours a week writing emails, blogging, or making phone calls, but it's getting just so hard to find the time. And it's especially demoralising when no one responds to emails. :( Wah.

Truly random shopping

The best way to ensure you get an exciting range of groceries when you go to the supermarket is to.....




....yes?




.....of course! Have a hypo! Why didn't I think of that?!

Last night I was super-tired from a really long hard week, but we had the step-kids to stay for the week so we had run out of groceries. I still don't believe how much 3 teens eat!

Anyway, so I drove to the supermarket at about 8.00pm, got a trolley, and wheeled through the fruit'n'vege section picking bananas and mixed nuts. Slightly random, but nothing to be too worried about.

By the time I got to the cereal and juice aisle, I was yawning so much people were looking at me. Like, huge, uncontrollable, too-big-for-my-mouth yawns. I was feeling cold, and my eyesight was getting a little flickery.

Next aisle: pasta, rice, sauces, soups. Something is feeling very wrong. I am gripping the trolley quite tightly, and driving very carefully. The supermarket staff are re-stacking the shelves. There are boxes to drive around. For some reason, this is getting very difficult. It takes all my brain power to appear "normal".

Closing in on the chicken soup, I tell myself "my vision is flickering: something is wrong. DO A TEST YOU IDIOT!!!!" So I stopped and tested right there in the aisle.

2.3 mmol/L

OK, you will have some food in your purse. Dig in and find it. One lonely fruitbar = 15g.

Drive trolley until a shelf-stacker can see you pull the bar out of your purse, and not steal it off the shelf (silly, the things my brain devotes power to in an emergency situation!). Rip plastic wrapper off bar, stuff into face. Chew. Swallow. Repeat. Strange looks from the small asian woman with too much makeup just to be stacking the tinned tomatoes.

Complete another two aisles. Choose things that I think are appropriate. Things I think we need. Realise that a single fruit bar is not enough to combat a 2.3. Start to crave juice. Walk the trolley back to the juice aisle. Make the conscious decision to get juice, then get out.

Get a multi-pack of juice boxes. Gripping the trolley quite tightly now. Must look like a ghost, as the check-out chick asks me if I am ok. Hold on. Wait until it's paid for. Wait until you're outside (stupid brain with low-logic!). Add several chocolate bars from the impulse-purchase shelves at the checkout. By some miracle, I was able to remember my pin number once I had swiped the card, and complete the transaction. Whew.

Concentrate on getting out to the car. I have no memory of putting the groceries into the car, or taking the trolley back. I do remember telling myself: "don't start the car. Don't start the car. Eat the food. Sit there and eat the food and WAIT." Do you know how hard that is? When all you want to do is get home as fast as possible? Away from these people who all seem to be staring at you? It's dark, the carpark is suddenly a very scary place. I cram chocolate bars into my mouth and sit, waiting, for 10 mins to go past.

I get home OK. Uneventful. Drag bags of groceries inside. Hubby immediately sees something is up. Apparently I look really pale. My legs ache. I take a 15 min nap, then a really hot bath to get rid of the leg aches. A Friday night I hope to forget.

*p.s. had to go back this Saturday morning to get the rest of the things I'd forgotten! haha :P

You know that I wasn't feeling too flash on Monday, but yesterday was far, far worse.

I knew that the clinic manager from the Hamilton branch of Fertility Associates (FA) was going to email me after she had reviewed our case, so I decided not to check my email until lunchtime. This meant that I could go home and have lunch and read the email in peace and privacy.

Trouble was, it hadn't arrived by lunchtime. The suspense was killing me - oh the nerves!

But what had arrived in my inbox instead was a hope-inducing email from my diabetes endocrinologist.

To give you a synopsis, he offered to: edit the letter I sent to the MP and make it more powerful, write a second letter of support for our case, perhaps phone FA directly, and you gotta love this:

"If the are misusing the CPAC for then I have an ethical obligation to challenge them, and they have to explain. Doctor's rules."

He also suggested putting a complaint to the DHB (District Health Board), the Minister of Health, the Human Rights Commission, the Women's Rights Commission, and the Health and Disability Commissioner (The HDC, which I've already contacted).

"...raise as big a stink as you possibly can. The only thing that influences politicians and government bureaucrats is fear of public exposure."

And lastly he mentioned going to the women's magazines and current affairs mags, which I have thought of, in fact, if I did go public with my story to somewhere like women's day, perhaps the money I get could pay for fertility treatment. ha! (not sure if I'm ready to go uber-public like that yet - it doesn't just affect me and hubby then, it's all our family, the kids, coworkers, employers etc).

"It seems to me that FA (with a near total monopoly for the entire country) are not using the CPAC form honestly - probably to make more private profit. THis is what private medicine does - all the time, [it] doesn't even need to be investigated. It does need to be pointed out to the responsible officials however...it disgusts me to see [people using illness to make money], instead of using money to treat illness."

So that was pretty darn awesome to find this email yesterday. It changed my whole mood and stopped the insatiable anxiety from totally consuming me.

Unfortunately, the afternoon got pretty crappy.

At work (at the local college where I lecture) we are busy preparing for the start of the teaching year. We had a big meeting with our newly formed faculty and new Head of Faculty. Very formal. At about an hour into the meeting, my lips started feeling weird. It took a few minutes to click that I was going low :( but I was too low to get myself up, out from between the hundred-odd tightly packed chairs, and out the door with any grace, let alone up the four flights of outdoor stairs and along the 3 corridors to my office, through the security door, and to the juice in my purse. No. I know it's stupid, but when I go low, I never want to cause a scene, especially not in front of my new coworkers, boss, HoF, and Faculty members!

I waited until the end of the meeting, and then just got up and surged out the door and up the stairs in the flow of people. I don't remember most of the meeting - people were talking about it today and it was like remembering a dream - and as I walked zombie-like back to my office another tutor was talking to me but I couldn't hear him. Loss of hearing is an advanced symptom of mine, even worse than tingly numb lips. So I knew this was a bad one.

Luckily, by divine intervention, I got back to my office ok, and unnoticed I hope. Into 2x packs of juice with a meusil bar chaser, and a test reveals that I've come back UP to 2.2mmol/L

I was stunned and useless for the next 30 mins. Luckily everyone was packing up to go home, so I pretended to work/surf the web, and it just looked like I was being virtuous and working late. Not waiting for "normal" vision to return so I could drive home.

I check the email before leaving work. The email from Fertility Associates was there. I didn't read it...

...until I got home.

Dear [Kaitake]

Thank you for your phone call yesterday, and for conveying your concerns regarding CPAC scoring for publicly funded treatment.

 From reviewing your records I understand that [hubby] had a vasectomy 7 years ago.   As you know, the duration of infertility is one of the eligibility criteria for publicly funded scoring.  After sterilisation (vasectomy), duration is measured from the time that the couple approached a health professional asking for help to become pregnant.  You reported to Dr R that you first approached your GP in 2009 to enquire about conception options.  Accordingly, Dr R advised that in September 2012 you will count 3 years of duration (from 2009), which will give you the minimum required score on this criteria to be eligible to enrol for publicly funded treatment.

If our records do not accurately reflect the date you first consulted a Doctor on fertility options, please send us the record / evidence of consultation and we will amend your scoring accordingly.

I hope this information is helpful.  Please do not hesitate to contact me for further information or assistance.

Kind regards,

Clinic Manager

Bah. This sucks big time :(

And so the fight continues... wish me luck! Any ideas you have too :)

A trip to the emergency room...

But not for me this time! Unfortunately, while fishing off the breakwater at the port last night, my husband got a fish on the line (that's ok, we like fish!), but the fish let go and the line pinged back and all the hooks and sinkers hit him in the head!

I was sitting on a rock nearby, taking photos, and I heard him yell. He turned around and there was blood pouring down his face. I think there may have been some swears! I rushed over and I could see a huge hook caught in his temple, and fishing line wrapped all about his head. I got the big hook out (7cm long) as it was only a couple of mm below the surface of the skin. I had to use a whopping great fishing knife to cut all the line away, and it must have looked like I was threatening him from a distance! :P

But there was a second hook, smaller, only about 4cm long, but lodged quite deeply into his left eyebrow. :(

We packed up and drove the short distance home, and checked it out under better light. After deciding he couldn't remove it himself (and I sure as heck wasn't game!) we made the 1min trip to the hospital. Literally, it would only take us 5 mins to walk there we live so close!

And then we waited. For 3 HOURS!!! Sure, he wasn't in much pain, but he was going into a bit of shock, and he was quite a mess with blood all over his face. I had made sure to take a good stash of food and juice with me as I knew the wait could be a while.

And, oh yeah, had a low of 3.0mmol/L in the middle of all this! :S There was a discussion about who should drive to the hospital, not me, cos I'm low, and not him, as he's got blood on his face and may be in shock... he drove. I figure he had better control of all his faculties at that point!

All the staff were really kind and helpful, and they apologised for the long wait; there was a car crash with several patients which arrived just before us. They even let Hubby in to get cups of tea and coffee. Oh, and the nurses were all quite curious to see the man with the hook in his eye!

When we finally got let in to the ED, I asked if I could video the "procedure" and the lovely doc said yes. Here 'tis. Please don't watch if you're at all squeamish!

Part 1:


And part 2:


Funny, I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't been to A+E for a while. Looked like I jinxed it! haha :P

How was your weekend?