Slightly belated: 7w6d ultrasound

Sorry to keep you all waiting so long, my only excuse is that I have been exhausted. Like, take a nap at 3pm exhausted!

Great news: we had the "8 week" ultrasound done on Thursday 28th 2013 when I was 7w6d.

Here is a piccy:

The size of a raspberry? Kidney bean?

If you need help deciphering the picture, the line between the two little white crosses is the crown to rump length CRL 1.29cm, and the head is down with bum up. The left curve is the back, and the interesting fluffy parts on the right is the umbilical cord, and perhaps arm and leg paddles? Who knows. We saw a good heartbeat of 164bpm which the OB/sonographer said was right on target. She also looked a bit bored but basically told us that everything looks right on track.

I have never been so relieved to see some flashing, pulsing pixels in my life.

Hubby filmed it on his phone, so I will try and post the video up sometime too.

When the OB checked my ovaries, she said they were still quite swollen, and even asked if I had been overstimulated. They were big and empty looking. She said they were still recovering, but I hadn't expected that to take so long. Who knew the ER would be so damaging to them?

In other news, we had another chat about the ante-natal testing, and Hubby basically came to the conclusion that I will worry like a crazy woman unless I know, and I came to the conclusion that if it was really that important to him I could live with not doing the testing. End result is that we have agreed to do the testing including blood screening test and nuchal translucency ultrasound scan. I am pretty relieved about that. It means a great deal to me that should we find anything, I can have time to prepare myself.

Symptoms? Yes. Plenty.

Sheer and all-encompassing exhaustion is the major one at the moment. I am fine (sort of) and awake one moment, and the next I am the walking dead. lol. Mostly I can get through the day, but I am taking some serious cat-naps in the weekends.

No morning sickness. And that is the way I have decided it shall stay! There has been a little bit of mild nausea, but it's actually more like what I would describe as extreme hunger. As a diabetic I don't get hungry, like ever and this is because I am and have always eaten on a regular schedule. On the rare occasions when I have experienced hunger (from illness etc) I never really recognise it as such, and it instead feels a lot like a cold, slightly nauseas feeling radiating out from my sternum/high-stomach area. It's not an "I'm about to puke" feeling, and it usually goes away with application of noms.

I am sneezing a lot at the moment, not sure if it's hayfever or just irritation from the increased blood supply to well, everywhere including my nose that's doing it. It's tolerable but if it gets much worse I will have to look and see if I can take any hayfever meds... don't like my chances though.

Peeing is my new hobby. My record at night is 3 times. And none of those was caused by a low or low alarm.

Prunes and kiwifruit are my new best friends, as are bottles of water.

My diabetes is being...predictable. Well, almost. It's not terribly stable, in that I am going low multiple times per day (and night), but the predictability comes in the timing of those lows. They tend to happen about 2hrs post meal. My DNE nurse put my I:C ratios up for all main meals a couple of weeks ago when I was still having quite a few highs. At the time I thought the increases in I:Cs were a bit late, since I could already tell that my blood sugars were dropping. And now they are tanking multiple times per day, however the insulin doesn't kick in soon enough if I take it when I start eating (I know, I know, supposed to take it earlier!) and I am still getting a noticeable rise in blood sugar after a meal. Trouble is by the time the bulk of the insulin is kicking in, the food is wearing off and that's when I go low.

When I was last on the phone to my DNE she recommended that I eat a lot MORE food and a lot more fat and protein, especially for lunch. Well, I have been trying that for a week now. I feel stuffed to the gunnels most of the time and have regained half a kilo (after losing 1.5Kg in 2 weeks which is what got her so worried). I do get more hunger feelings that I am used to, however I cannot really handle eating this quantity of food PLUS all the emergency food I am eating/drinking to get my blood sugars up when they go low.

This evening I went to the supermarket to get three things: yoghurt, strawberries, and bananas. Smoothie time. Well, I pulled into the carpark and since my Dex was still on start-up, I did a quick test. 3.8mmol so I drank a juice, ate an afghan bar and decided to wait. The Dex and Vibe then both started bleating for calibration tests, so I did those too. My brain was foggy but not so foggy that I couldn't do a quick nip into the supermarket. I had a written list and I thought I had just eaten all of my food - turns out my foggy brain had completely forgotten about the pack of jelly beans in the globe box, as well as doing anything sensible like phoning Hubby. Sigh. My brain just gets super fixated on a single thing, in this case I knew that the supermarket had food, and I knew I needed sugar, so that's where I went.

Got a trolley to hang on to instead of just a basket, and started working my way slowly through the shop to get the items on the list. Note to self: do not shop while low. What should have been a $15 trip cost $90!!!! All manner of tasty treats found their way into my trolley! Whoops! Just before I got to the checkout, I started to panic a bit as the low symptoms were coming on really strongly. I must have been looking rather pale as several shelf-packers gave me weird looks. I headed to the drink aisle to get something sweet and fast. Ended up grabbing a bottle of lucozade which is 68g of carbs in a bottle, but no caffeine - I checked.

At the checkout, the woman in the queue in front of me was taking forever. Then she decided to pay using a credit card that wouldn't scan. The receipt finally printed and the checkout-chick tried to fold it up, got is scrumpled up, tried again, and again; there was lots of smiling and laughing amongst them while I contemplated breaking all the social conventions of supermarket shopping by ripping into the lucozade before actually buying it. I had my eftpos card out and ready. I was standing with both feet flat, the trolley wedged against the counter so that I could lean on it. Even in my hazy mind I knew that 3 point support wouldn't tip over! Finally I got my groceries scanned, paid for and bagged, and headed out to the car. Got things loaded in ok, all while the world wooshed and fuzzed around me. A bit of a mix between extreme tiredness and hyper-sensitivity to lights and colours. My brain slows right down and I must carefully check every thought to ensure that what I am doing is correct, will use the least energy until I can get more glucose in me, and will not be liable to draw unwanted attention to me. I am quite good at this (I think) so managed to do a moderate sized grocery shop on a blood sugar of about 3mmol (and it was still dropping at one point, with Dex alarms blaring!) all while no one around me was any the wiser.

Got that lucozade in me, waited, tested and as soon as my brain felt ok, and the test was over 5mmol I drove home.

Hoping to get my DNE nurse on the phone early this week to see what she suggests to sort this out. And eating more is not practical!!! I just do not have room!

Only a could of weeks of work left and then I will be on Christmas holidays. Yay!

Thank you to everyone who wrote comments on my last post with advice and support. I really appreciate you help :D

13dp3dt Well, it feels real...

..but will it stick around? Will I get a good beta on Tuesday?

I am pretty calm, and it's sinking in more. I am currently pregnant and I have to keep telling it to myself cos I just don't believe it. I have been to look at the pee-stick several times today. Just to check I didn't imagine that line. Or the phone call from the nurse. I am hoping they will send the results out to me on paper, so I have something tangible to fret over.

Things I have discovered today:

• People are treating me differently already. Which bugs me. Why are you all getting worried about me now, but not the day before first beta? eh? I am the same person!
• People who don't have a clue I'm pregnant treat me the same as always. Which also bugs me. Where is my special treatment already!? Can't win over here. lol
• It should not be possible to forget that something is going on down there. Most of the time, it is painful and crampy (not severe cramping). Plus there are the twinges. I guess that's what you'd call them? Sharper, achier pains that occur all over the place. Anywhere from my hip joints right up to my clavicles. Ribs. And of course the abdomen. Sometimes I can feel a twinge going right um, up me. Sometimes it goes around my uterus. I think. Without an MRI to hand, I am just guessing at anatomy here. Oh and also the firm-en-ing-up of my tummy, and the general inability to button my jeans.
• I gave in the moment we got the nurse's phone call. By that, I mean, I have allowed myself to dream of this child. I have been collecting names. Hubby and I even had the briefest of brief chat about names. I have been watching videos about what happens at 3 and 4 weeks pregnant, and I have downloaded a couple of pregnancy tracking apps. By the power vested in the Interwebs, I am able to determine that my Estimated Due Date should be 11 July 2014. None of these things are what I would consider "safe". I mean, throughout the whole time I have been waiting for this (can't use "trying" as we've technically never "tried" to get pregnant in the traditional sense lol) I have been moderating my thoughts severely. To keep my mind from exploding and my self from collapsing in a crumple of tears, I made a bargain with myself: I could think of certain things (names, due dates, pregnancy details, maternity clothes, nursery decorating ideas) only once I reached certain goals (accepted for treatment, started treatment, positive beta) to protect my mind. My reasoning being that if I didn't think up good, wishful, dreams then I wouldn't be hurt as badly should things go south.
• And now I have gone there. The gates are open and I cannot reign in my insatiable curiosity and dreaming. It is lovely to be able to feel I can now safely think about this sort of wonderful stuff...
• ...But, then I realise that I could lose it all on Tuesday, making the fall so much harder. I hope beyond everything that this, my first pregnancy, sticks, stays, grows, and is healthy. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire existence.
• The centre of my universe has changed. I'm not sure where it was before, but it's now growing in me (I hope).
• My brain can think of little else. Until I do something (gardening, cooking) and forget entirely.
• Speaking of gardening: I did lots. I know, I know - I'm not supposed to exert myself. Or get too hot. And I know. It's bad for the embryo. But it has been the most beautiful spring weekend and I have been so at peace. I was, I think, not able to garden all winter until this IVF was done. Now that I feel positive again (it's been a while since I've felt so energized) the garden is crying out for attention. I drank lots of water, made sure not to over do things, and only went out in the sun for short spells. Oh, and there is another reason why I feel positive about it. Part of the stories the women in my family share include that of doing some crazy, manual labour such as cleaning the stove, washing all the windows, or weeding the garden. So I take the desire to garden as a good omen.
• You may have noticed the word energized in the last bullet point. Imagine having all this energy and happiness one moment, and then the most crippling fatigue so you have to lie down or risk feeling faint the next. Well, that has been my day. I get especially tired towards the end of the day.
• I decided to get tougher on my blood sugars. I really really tried to get in touch with my Diabetes Nurse Educator last week, but we are playing a mammoth game of phone tag at present. Too timid to adjust the basal rates (especially while still on those progesterone pessaries ewww), I spent most of Saturday thinking what I could do instead. First up, I tried doing more correction boluses when ever I went over 12mmol. I also started ignoring the pumps suggestions of "0 units" when I had IOB, and instead gave small conservative boluses. This worked ok, so I then thought up a more permanent method - Oh hey! I will just adjust my insulin sensitivity factor a bit! I went from 1u:4mmol up to 1u:3mmol. This has proved to be too strong especially in conjunction with gardening, so I've just put it back down to 1u:3.7mmol. Let's see how that goes.
• Tomorrow is my first day of work where I will be pregnant. I have a rather unpleasant bunch of students to teach, and I hope, for my sake, that they behave themselves. I will not hesitate to "pop down to the office to get something" if I feel they are upsetting me or getting my heart rate up at all!
• I can count things in pregnancy-numbers now: 4 weeks 3 days pregnant.

So, that is all. Sorry about the rather random haphazard post today. It's nearly 11pm and I am beat. Also, just gone low. Also, getting a twinge right now!

Sing it with me: I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope Tuesday's beta is a good positive number; strong doubling is what I am hoping for.

Thank you for the flood of support you have offered me. It is truly humbling to know that so many people across the world are supportive. Thank you! :D

8dp3dt Only 2 days to go!!!

I have spent most of the past couple of days wondering how to stop myself getting too optimistic.

A quick look at the website of a pregnancy-test company shows that I have several "symptoms" which could be good signs: fatigue (I'm getting very tired by 3pm, to the point where it is strenuous to remain standing for more than a few minutes), dizziness (mostly related to the fatigue, I think), tender breasts (could be the progesterone?), frequent need to pee (and I have unintentionally cut back my water intake due to teaching class - I am thirsty a lot though so must remember to drink more water!), cramping (again, could be progesterone), mood swings (not consistent thank goodness, but did you see my last post lol?) and, lastly, unfortunately: constipation (mild, but combined with cramping and progesterone and pre-natal iron means more fatigue). That is 7 out of their 9 listed symptoms.

Beta will be at 10dp3dt on Friday, which means it will be 15dp ER (egg retrieval and conception).

Many of the people around me seem more outwardly excited than I am. I am trying really hard to moderate my emotions and not get too damn soppy about all this, lest it come crashing down around my ears. I must remember that it is a tough journey for any embryo to make it, and that it is definitely not guaranteed at all. So, I seem to be spending odd and random snippets of my day trying to calm other people down. A lot. Like my delightful friend who tells me she has already started knitting!

At least my Mum, Dad and Sister are no trouble. If anything, they seem to be a mixture of stunned, embarrassed, delighted, and worried about the whole IVF process. Mostly, it is expressed as not asking questions and letting me do the talking. We have always been a family that doesn't really talk about taboo stuff, and you can't get much more taboo than the nitty gritty of reproduction!

Tonight I changed both my infusion site for my Animas Vibe and my Dexcom sensor. The infusion site change went well, although after dinner, and working on some coding project, I was pretty tired.

The Dexcom sensor change was a disaster. It stung when I inserted the sensor, and when I removed the inserter, I looked and saw a pool of blood gathering under the clear plastic. Boo.

Maybe it knows Halloween is just around the corner?

Initially it was just a spot of blood, but it grew quickly until it was about 1cm diameter: about the width of the sensor base.

I was distraught. Each sensor is about $125 (my parents are kindly funding them, and I was so proud of being able to make the previous sensor last 14 days) and they do not grow on trees. But my bigger problem is that if I have to replace it, I have almost no spare real estate on my belly!

With my dress still hitched up under my bra, and the little snap-off plastic doohicky that helps snap the transmitter in place still attached, I grabbed my Animas/Dexcom manual, and promptly cussed when I could immediately find the phone number. The Interwebs knew it though, and in no time I was talking to my Pump Rep at 9.30pm. She assured me that it happens, that I should put the transmitter in and see if it works, and email her in the morning if it hasn't hooked up by then. If it's still dodgy then they will replace it under warranty. Fantastic!

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words and support! I really appreciate it :D