Saturday, June 11, 2011

Some grumpy business

Don't you hate it when you think you are doing something good, and someone slaps you in the face for it?

I have been writing this blog for a wee bit now, and it has been both a cathartic journalling exercise for me, and a way to share information with others in the same boat. I'm really passionate about transparency and honesty in the health system, and the NZ infertility system has really left me disappointed.

Just this week, I thought I was coping pretty well. I had a moment where I thought about all the good things in my life and smiled and got the ol' warm fuzzies. Things like my wonderful husband, my cool job, and the fact that I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Even if it does rain a bit too much some days!

But then I got a short, snarly email from someone who I've been in contact with (who I shall refer to as "The co-Author) during the course of my infertility journey. He was pissed off. My husband agreed with him. I couldn't see the logic in what he was saying. The problem the co-Author had was that I'd published his emails to me, which included his name.

Well, duh!

I was discussing a report he had co-authored, and the information he provided me was basically what my whole life was focussed on for a good few months at the beginning of this year. A report that identifies him very easily - just Google the name of the report. In other words - he was already well and truly "in the open" about working in the infertility industry. And if I write the name of the report, it's as if I had already written his name. So no, I don't fully understand the grumpiness about it. I certainly don't understand the complete lack of manners.

But, because I am a nice person, I have wasted several hours removing the co-Author's name from my posts. I don't actually see that this will harm my blog's integrity, as my readers can still find out that information if they wish. And hopefully it will satisfy the co-Author's need to remain private. Didn't mean to offend you see. I understand what it's like to be a private person and have important decisions about your life accidentally, unwittingly, unknowingly taken from you. Sound familiar?

Let me get this straight - I did not go out of my way to make anyone unhappy, I just saw that the co-Author's name was already published, so logically, to me, it made sense to continue publishing the name. It didn't even cross my mind that I should censor it. Sigh. Tricky business this, pleasing everyone.

Oh, and the email wasn't exactly complementary either. It insinuated that I have an "agenda" and this only goes to prove my point: discrimination against those made infertile by vasectomy are considered second class citizens in NZ when it comes to accessing funding for treatment.

OK, so I do have an agenda. Yep, it's really well hidden! Guess what? It's TO HAVE A BABY. How hard was that to figure out?  :P

Talking to people, such as the co-author, the MP, the many doctors, the HDC advocate etc, none of it is done for fun. It's the only option I can see at this stage in my journey, because I'm restricted from doing anything practical. Like starting treatment. I've conducted myself professionally and have not screamed and shouted at these people, as my heart wanted so badly to do sometimes. So to have one behave so rudely to me is upsetting.

/end rant

In other, nicer news, I took my first group of students on a very successful field trip, and then attended my first graduation ceremony as a tutor rather than a student! How awesome is that?! :)

What about you? Ever had a spat with someone who only knows you via your blog? What did you do?


  1. Aw *hugs* that's so lame! I'm a people-pleaser's a tough, thankless job! I haven't had a spat via blog, but I can relate to the virtual conversations being dicey with some folks. I had a "friend" end a "friendship" based on my "tone" via instant messenger *eye roll* Try not to take it to heart!

    YAY for the field trip! :) Way to end on a positive note!

  2. i'm sorry about the grumpiness....what a pain!! yay for your first grad ceremony as a tutor--very exciting!!

  3. Congrats Tutor =)

    people-pleaser - sounds familiar, hope Mr.Grumpy is leaving it now.