20w1d Anatomy Scan

Friday lunchtime we went to our anatomy scan which I had been looking forward to greatly the entire week.

Tiny Fish is measuring pretty close to perfect size and the sonographer didn't find any problems: spine is fine, heart, brain, no obvious cleft lip, kidneys, fingers, arms and legs, stomach, abdomen. All good.

It was done at a different clinic this time and although the screen was lots better we were not allowed to video it which was disappointing.

We got a couple of stills, here are some of my favs:




Above: profile of the face



Above: soles of the feet.

He/she was active the whole time squirming around but got shy towards the end so decided to hide down low and make the scan a bit harder.

Tiny Fish is about 300gms and 15cm long head to bum.

We didn't ask for the gender and I'm happy with this decision.

Today my sister took me shopping for maternity jeans and we almost didn't get any cos in one shop it was so hot that I nearly fainted. What should you not grab onto when you feel faint and nauseous? That's right: a store ladder on wheels! :-/

I had to go outside and sit down. What I desperately wanted to do was lie down with my feet up, but there was nowhere and I was wearing a short summer dress in a crowded mall. I practiced some yoga breathing to focus on something other than the horrid hot cold sweats and sickly feelings. Then my sister took me outside to try and cool down more. She wanted to get me done water but didn't want to leave me alone. I checked my blood glucose and it was falling ever so gently at about 8-9mmol so I figured a small juice wouldn't hurt and the liquid might do be good. The best thing though was when she took me to my car and put the air con on full blast then drove me home. What a sweetie.

I think it was a combination of forgetting my prenatal vitamins for two nights, being tired from the week of work, being hot and maybe slightly dehydrated. I'm better now just a bit washed out.

Sorry no bump pic today cos I'm writing this from bed before sleep!

Thank you to everyone who sent in helpful and supportive advice re my little cousin.

15w4d Exhaustion

The second trimester is supposed to herald in a renewed sense of energy and feel-good-ness. Instead, I seem to be getting sheer exhaustion. It has become rare for me to manage to stay awake the entire day.

Today I woke at 9am, had breakfast in bed, got up and showered at 10am, went for a 30min walk around the local park and the block, had lunch of fried noodles with tomatoes and spring onions, then promptly tried to fall asleep in said bowl of noodles. The dull headache warned me that I needed to get my head down soon or suffer the consequences of a restless night with no sleep and a bad head.

So I slept from 2pm to 4pm. This all sounds lovely and relaxing, but it is very frustrating and feels like I am wasting my days. In the morning I am mostly too groggy and foggy to get anything done, and I always feel like I have to spend my energy wisely. One outing a day is about my maximum. If I do too much one day I might feel ok, but will then crash out the next day.

I am not worried at the moment, everyone keeps telling me that I will perk up soon enough and that it's just the baby sapping my energy. However I start work teaching again the week after next and I am not sure how that is going to work. I have already got a note from my GP so I can request a disability carpark right up close to my building at work, as I know the walk (5min) up the steep hill at work will leave me knackered - plus the round ligament pain can hurt after too much walking!

My next midwife appointment is next Monday (6 days time) so I will ask her about it. I am taking my pre-natal vitamins but it could be anemia maybe? Hope not as the pre-natal vitamins are upsetting my digestive system somewhat. With the in mind I have decided one thing I can do is ensure I am eating enough. It occurred to me that I now need to eat like I am growing, like I did when I was a growing teenager! So I am working out healthy foods and snacks to eat at regular intervals throughout the day. If I don't, for instance, eat a yoghurt for morning tea then I will feel faint and go low just before lunchtime. I always need to eat before exercise. More fruits are on the menu and we are getting a reasonable harvest of fresh veges and herbs from the garden. Plus eggs from the chooks!

At the moment my one real mild concern is when/how we will get the Tiny Fish's nursery started. I am itching to get in there are start planning the room. It has no storage so I will have to find some second-had pieces and repaint them.

11w3d Christmas Eve-Eve

Christmas shopping is all finished (hooray) and this evening I put up the tree and then we wrapped all the pressies. Including the first thing ever for our one on the way:



Here is the tree, with massively oversized tinsel star that keeps threatening to tip the whole lot over:



Pregnancy symptoms at 11 weeks seem to be settling down a bit. Over the past 3 or 4 days I've gotten a lot of my energy back. A week ago I set the record at 3 naps in one day, not including the 11.30am sleep in. Then I got a horrendous head cold that featured loud sneezing with nose like a tap.

I have given my cold to Hubby and his Mum, and now I'm feeling better lol :P

Breathing is feeling a bit weird at times, kind of like the feeling you get when the cat is sleeping on your chest.

I've upped my breakfast to be one slice of gluten-free toast with lashings if crunchy peanut butter, a cup of decaf-tea with raw sugar and trim milk, a handful of prunes and a nectarine or a couple of fresh apricots.

I still haven't gained any weight (57kg) but I have reorganized what I've got: arms and face seem a bit skinnier while belly may? Seem? Rounder? we are taking photos but even though I'm frustrated at being stick with hardly any pant to wear and still being a long way away from maternity clothing, there is no obvious "popping" yet.

Getting a lot of lows at the moment, and they generally seem to take double the amount of carbs to get me back to fighting fit. So two juice boxes instead of one. I got so frustrated with juice that I've started eating glucose tablets again :-/

Getting what may be a few food aversions to beef, some chicken dishes that I normally love, and generally being slightly nauseated by awful smells. No real cravings but I do find I must snack or eat meals every 2hrs or so otherwise I feel slightly weird/ill. When I go low I go pale and get tired needing to sit down immediately.

Still having mild trouble with constipation, but can't really complain since I've been doing idiotic things like swapping my pre-natal vitamins from bedtime to morning (not cos I forgot! Honest!).

I got out in the garden for two days and tidied things up in preparation for hosting Christmas lunch for our parents. Kids will be here for breakfast and back for dinner at my parents house.

After over a month of waking at 4am for a low blood sugar that would haunt me until dawn, I finally remembered to actually so something about it. Cue messing with nighttime basal rates at 1am the other night! Result? Flat as a pancake from midnite to 8am woohoo!!! Very proud of me self on that one. Guessing it won't last too long before things all change again.

So, Merry Christmas to all you lovely readers. Have a wonderful day and I hope Santa brings you what you asked for!

P.s. Can I ask you all to say a little wish/prayer for a good friend of mine who is doing clomid treatment right now and has, 2 days before Christmas, got another negative result. She's battling on but getting a little overwhelmed and considering IVF. I really hope her next cycle works and she gets what she's been dreaming of! Thank you! :)

CD 4: When the headache takes control

When I woke up this morning it was to in incessant bleep-blaring of an anxious Dexcom screaming that my blood sugar was low. Again. Two lows in one night and the result was my headache from yesterday growing super-powers. I felt awful this morning.

Some breakfast and out the door to work. Hubby offered to drive me in, which I though was a good idea since my head was feeling pretty fuzzy but it was live able.

At work things quickly deteriorated. I had a meeting and at the end of that I stood up and felt my stomach lurch: that moment when a headache takes on migraine qualities and suddenly there is aura, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, and head pain that is like a physical presence.

I got back to my shared office as soon as I could and downed some ibuprofen and a bottle of water. Blood sugars at this stage were thankfully stable at around 7 mmol.

I emailed Hubby to come collect me. I had lasted only until 10.45am :S

Once home, the neurofen kicked in and the pain went away. The pressure in my head was still there so I knew I had to be careful. I did some drawing and had lunch. Felt better. Read my book (great book! The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton)

And then I fell asleep in the armchair. I was awoken by the promise of junk food for dinner. :D

I've since brightened up and got a ravenous hunger for celery:



Nom nom nom. I love the watery fresh crispy taste.

Also I've just remembered that I should be not-drinking caffeine. Damn. Tea. I also looooove tea: black with trim milk and a spoon of raw sugar. Ooh so good. I'd bought a box of decaffeinated tea months ago and it tastes ok, but Hubby is very unsure if it's safe to drink. Being diabetic, there are very few tasty beverage choices. Juice is out (carbs), alcohol is out (I don't drink anyways), and milk is out (lactose doesn't like me in great quantities, plus, carbs). That leaves diet coke (yum, but caffeine and artificial sweeteners = headache material). Maybe tomato juice is the perfect option, but it just makes me thirstier. So. Water.

Oh, here are the pre-natal vitamins Im taking:



Left to right: Elevit with iodine, 1000 IU vitamin D (2 per night), 5mg folic acid.

That is all. Oh gawd damn! The Dex has just high alarmed again. I ate CELERY!!! (I should have eaten cake!)

CD 2 The Money Shot

Today I gave myself the Elonva injection; the one that will stimulate my ovaries to grow lots of follicles all at once.

After doing an infusion site change this morning, the Elonva injection seemed like nothing at all. The only bit I was worried about was the fancy schmancy spring-loaded syringe: inject, push plunger down, then once you release the plunger it springs back up inside the casing! And if you don't get the plunger all the way down then that's it! No second chances with this puppy!

You'll be relieved to know that it all went well, just as the instructions planned. The injection didn't hurt, but once I got near the end the sheer volume of liquid going in started to sting a bit. It didn't swell or go red or anything.

About half an hour later I was at work, and my blood sugar just tanked. I couldn't get off the floor and powered through my stash of emergency juice and mentos. This could have been the Elonva kicking in perhaps as it was accompanied by some weird cramps, or it could have been the arithromycin antibiotics that both Hubby and I took.

No real side effects for the rest of the day really. I have been peeing like a racehorse (unfortunately that's one of my low symptoms!) and have had very mild cramping and a really fuzzy brain. Not really able to concentrate on much!

There is nothing for me to do on this protocol except take my Pre-natal vitamins until CD 6 when I start the Orgalutran injections.

I've booked the motel as we are scheduled for a blood draw and scan in CD 9.

I let the nurse know via email about how I'm now hooked up to an insulin pump and dexcom, and her and the RE both seem to think it shouldn't interfere with the IVF treatment.

I am calm and relaxed about this. Every other medical thing I've done to my body has been a bit if an experiment, and so is this. There is no guarantee it will work perfectly, but it's also not a pass/fail situation; there are lots of other ways this could play out.

Could be that we get pregnant first go. Or I might get OHSS and have the cycle called off. The number of eggs I can muster up could be twenty or it could be zero. Things might fertilize or not. There might be some to freeze or not. Etc etc forever and ever. So many possibilities, which means do many chances for things to go in a ok-fine-good-great-wonderful direction.

Yep so that's where we're at today. More when something interesting happens or when I get some crazy hormone symptoms!

The night before the first IVF injection

Those drugs in the fridge are looming in my mind. Not because of the needles or anything like that, but rather because I am about to step (leap?) into the unknown.

I have no idea if IVF will work for us. We have been given very good chances by our reproductive endo, but still. He also gave us a whole long list of scenarios that could also happen. And I appreciate knowing that things are a bit up in the air at this point.

When I woke up this morning, it was before the alarm had gone off and even before the cat had time to jump on the bed and politely request demand and stomp all over us with wet feet for his breakfast. That familiar cramp. I decided that it was only, maybe, October the 4th??? at best so it must just be lack of a kiwifruit the day before. Oh, I was wrong. This WAS CD1!!! Wow. Never thought I would be telling the interwebs that news, especially not with so many exclamation points lol.

I dug out the phone number for the nurse and called and left her a message. Then I wondered a bazillion things, then ate breakfast.

At work, I kept jumping for the phone. It was my first day back after a short mid-semester break and the change in routine, plus first period with the insulin pump to deal with, plus waiting for the nurse to phone me back with dates and instructions just clouded my brain up real good.

Take some neurofen. Go for a walk with my friend and get doughnuts and hot chocolates. Damn, even the glorious bolus calculator can't figure this one out. Sigh.

She rang and was really personable and happy. Like she remembered who I was and actually cared. I got instructions and dates for what meds to take when, up until day 9 which is when I will need to go in for a scan and bloodwork. Once I got off the phone, I texted Hubby then got online and booked our motel of choice in Hamilton. We are 3hrs away so I will miss a day and a half of work, and since the appointment is early in the morning we will just go up the night before to make it less stressful.

I forgot to tell the nurse I am now on an insulin pump. Thinking about emailing her that info shortly.

My whole focus, my whole energy right now, is on remembering to take the Elonva injection tomorrow. Calmly, and without fuss. I have been harpooning myself every 3 days or so now with insulin pump site changes and dexcom changes, so another needle is not the problem. It's the unknown. I get one shot at this, and if I screw it up with this injection I can't grab another from the local pharmacy or anything.

Oh, speaking of said local pharmacy: I did NOT know that the antibiotics Hubby and I both have to take as part of the IVF stint are not funded. At all. Even worse, because they are prescribed by a specialist, it's a higher prescription charge. Still less than $40 for 4 tablets, but I thought this was publicly funded? I didn't quibble, just paid and decided to be calm.

Other news:

• Hubby has a perfect heart. No really, I know this as a medical fact. Last monday, he dropped the kids off back to their Mum's and then promptly took himself in the the emergency department as he thought he was having a heart attack with chest pain radiating down the left arm with tingles in his hand. He called me at work and we then spent 7hrs in A&E, 3 EKGs, 2 lots of blood work, and a heart attack was ruled out. Stress, they said, but could be angina. So last Thursday he got to do a EKG stress test on a treadmill. They were supposed to get him to exercise to only 80% of the target rate, but pushed him to 110% because they couldn't find anything wrong. Stress, they said. So I have been trying to help Hubby calm down and relax some. He is working the equivalent of 2 x full time jobs, both very stressful. The freelance project with be over soon, and the more "normal" job is offering more security and hours so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
• Last week we averaged a 1hr bike ride per day. Even in the midst of chest-pain-o-rama!
• Holidays are good and I had just remembered how to have them when it turned into time to go back to work. Bah.
• One of our four chickens is sick. She has a sore infected foot and I took her to the vet today. Poor chookie is also now on antibiotics. Enough for a great dane dog, according to the packet!
• Of course, the day I need to be in Hamilton is also the second day of term! I have already provided my payroll lady with a letter from the clinic so I can take IVF days off as sick days which is very good.
• The cat thinks he wants to go to the vet also. He has been catching (big, ginormous) rats and eating just their tails. They, in response, have been scratching him on the eyeballs. Requiring expensive and painful vet treatment and nasty sticky eye ointments which make him think that I never loved him. Poor kitty! I am hoping it's just a sympathy squint cos he saw the cat box I used to transport the chicken in.
• I have a new hobby. I like to burn things. Don't be calling the authorities on me! I am talking about lampworking and making glass beads. Highly addictive and meditative. And beautiful.

Right. Off to take my pre-natal vitamins and watch a video about how to give an Elonva injection. Wish us luck!

The great un-boxing!

So, true to form I couldn't help but take a whole bunch of photos as I un-boxed my new toy:

[spoiler alert: contains gratuitous shots of shiny medical equipment. In pink.]

Click through to Flickr to read the descriptions.

This was by far the biggest and most impressive box of goodies I've ever collected from my pharmacy. All the pharmacists were hovering around like chooks and they seemed very interested in the pump - this being the first one my pharmacy has ever ordered.

I ended up getting the colour I wanted, and it's kind of a reddy-pink which I am already fond of. I am thinking of naming it. Too naff? Do you name yours?

Although I have a huge box of stuff now, I suspect that some bits of my prescription may be missing? I haven't seen the script, but last week my pharmacist was asking me what length needles I wanted - and yet there is definitely no box of old-skool needles amongst my haul. There is also no box of skin-prep wipes, and although I know they have received the script for my 10ml vials of Humalog, I will have to go back and get it cos that is also missing. Grrr.

I did remember to collect a new pottle of 5mg folic acid tablets. I am taking them nightly, along with Elevit and 1000 IU Vit D3 as suggested by my endocrinologist/s both to support pre-natal requirements, and to try and prevent any future offspring getting T1D (that's what the Vit D is all about - although I should really be upping the dose to about 2000 IU by now). Last night I ordered more vitamins online and boy is that stuff expensive! In fact, the vitamins are worse than the insulin pump lol! Yay for government funding. There is NO WAY I would be able to afford this otherwise. Vitamins = $85 vs. Pump and 3 months supplies = $33.

Speaking of expensive things, my parents have kindly offered to purchase the Dexcom system for me. I am very, very grateful for this opportunity, and have called to put in my order today. My pump rep said I could do a one month trial of the Dexcom if I bought one box (4) of sensors, but I am going to buy the transmitter too, and ask if I can trial the Dexcom receiver unit. Since the Vibe pump is a receiver itself I don't technically need the Dex Rx, but it would be good to try it out if I can. Let's just say that this request took three phone calls and being transferred around the call centre in Auckland between about a gazillion people. All very polite, and we got there in the end.

I took my big box of loot around to my parents' place this evening (in the rain) to show them, since they had never seen a pump in person before. Dad and I watched the DVD and OMG is it boring! Such minutiae. Kills you with details and repetition, like being hypnotized. Except I must pay attention or else risk terrible consequences with not being able to work the pump lol. Long story short: do not watch the DVD out of curiosity. It is serious and it is educational. Not something to watch for fun. Certainly, nothing in comparison to Diabetic Danica, Kerri Sparling, Candace, or Kim Vlasnik!

It is now exactly 1 week until I become bionic, and T-minus ~27 days until I start injecting IVF hormon-a-ma-phones. Also, I shall turn 31 (cough) shortly. There will be eating of vast quantities of tasty treats. :D

I've decided to get an insulin pump

This is the biggest decision I have made since becoming a diabetic 25 years ago.

I have been on multiple daily injections (MDI) since I was 5 and currently I use Humalog and Lantus spread over at least 5 injections a day.

- - - - -

Once, for shits and giggles, I calculated how big of a tattoo I could have gotten if, instead of using all my needle stabs and finger pricks and blood draws for treating diabetes I used them all to put ink in my skin. Turns out that I could have gotten a large full-back tattoo! But I digress...


- - - - -


My HbA1c is good, although I have some almighty horrid fluctuations in my blood sugars and I do get quite a few lows. Yesterday I had 4 lows (under 4.3 mmol/L). And that is of course coupled with some nasty highs too, although I have been working very hard to narrow the range of blood sugar fluctuations I just can't seem to tame them properly.

So why am I making the change? Well there are several important reasons. Yes, even more compelling than the reasons above. I do love a good bullet point so here are some I fashioned jsut for you"

• See this previous post. Yes, we have sperm-on-ice, so that means that IVF is a GO! All going according to plan this will happen in October sometime. Finally.
• Being Type 1 Diabetic means I can do more than just snack on prenatal vitamins, folic acid, vitamin D, and healthy fruits'n'veg. I can also work really hard to get my blood sugar control as, um... controlled as possible. This means maintaining a low HbA1c while stabilising the fluctuations and lowering my range of blood sugar results overall. So no pressure.
• An insulin pump is what I see as the best option for achieving these lofty goals prior to pregnancy. It has also been recommended to me by my endocrinologist, although definitely not as the only option.
• I want to do it before getting into the mix of IVF treatment + potential pregnancy. I don't know how I will respond to an insulin pump and I want as much time as possible to get to know this new treatment method.
• I should now qualify* for a fully funded Animas Vibe courtesy of Pharmac. Last August they changed their funding of insulin pumps so that if you meet certain criteria then you can apply to have one. (* My endo has yet to complete the special authority form, so it's not a done deal yet. In fact, I still have to meet with my endo and my diabetes nurse educator soon to discuss this plan o' mine.)
• I emailed my endo and DNE on the weekend to wave this idea at them, and they seemed to think it was a good plan and that I should qualify. I'm hoping to get appointment times to see both of them about it soon.
• We have spent so much time and effort pursuing the idea of IVF and having a child that it only makes sense to do everything I can to support this process. If that means chomping on vitamins, wearing an insulin pump and completely changing the way I manage my diabetes, I think it's worth giving it a go.
• Continuous glucose monitoring! OMG I have wanted one of these for like, ever, but they haven't been available in NZ I don't think. But now with the Animas Vibe being funded it's quite fortuitous as it happens to be Dexcom CGM enabled. Now I've had a pretty good sniff around online and found that the Dexcom G4 CGM is now available in NZ. Of course there is no pricing but the Animas Vibe acts as the receiver and screen to display the CGM data. So perhaps, without needing to purchase a reciever that will make the combined cost of transmitter and sensors affordable? Maybe? I will have to wait and talk to my DNE as she will know :)

So it's been a weekend full of progress and decisions :)

Our initial RE appointment - take 2!

So, we have finally started this thing.

For months, years, it has felt like I am running, moving my legs like a cartoon, trying to gain forward momentum but never going anywhere. As if my legs couldn't gain purchase on the ground. As if I was not even touching the ground. Yesterday the ground was raised up and my toes dug into the soil and I have taken off. Forward. At last.

I have written previously about the veil of grey lifting off me. Now it is like the massive, oppressive weight of uncertainty has lifted. I wasn't even conscious of the huge effect this was having on me until it was gone. I am laughing and joking and the tension has melted somewhat.

We travelled to Hamilton for our second "initial consult" at the fertility clinic. Because the first didn't go so well.

This was were we talked with a reproductive endocrinologist about what we will do to try and get pregnant, to try and have a child together.

We need sperm retrieval surgery, IVF and ICSI.

Things will become official shortly when we get the letter saying we formally qualify for public funding. That letter will contain a date which will be our starting "month" for IVF treatment. Prior to that (about 6 months from now) my husband will have sperm retrieval surgery. And then IVF will occur about 18 months from now. It may be sooner if someone else on the program pulls out.

We spoke to both the RE who explained the procedures and the nurse who will be assisting. Neither of them seemed to have much experience with T1 diabetic patients, so I will be hunting down as much research as I can about how IVF drug therapy affects blood sugars. The nurse even told me outright that she had never worked with a T1 diabetic patient before. She told me that I should expect to "have to contact my diabetes management team at least 3 times while undergoing IVF treatment, you know, to monitor my blood sugar levels and adjust insulin, because you have to maintain a good level" Arrrrggg! said my inside voice. My polite, outside voice said something like "actually, I test my blood sugar about 15 times a day and do about 8 injections, all carefully adjusted by myself, too. I also have a pretty good HbA1c of 6.1%" The nurse did look a little flabbergasted at those numbers. I suppose she is used to having patients freak out at the prospect of injecting themselves once per day for a measly 2 weeks, not 8 in a day for 24 years! I wanted her to know what she is dealing with, and now that she has time to learn about T1, I hope she makes the effort. Both RE and nurse said they will work with my GP and my diabetic endocrinologist, which pleases me.

We opted to do an AMH blood test, which measures ovarian reserve. This will allow the RE to select an appropriate drug protocol for me out of the two choices she's whittled it down to. One is a 4 week protocol, and the other is a more popular 8 week protocol. The nurse made noises like she would put me on the shorter one, so my diabetes is less affected. But I said we want the one that will have the best chance at a good outcome. The $100 AMH test will be making the decision for us. Hopefully it is good news. Bad news would mean we have to act quicker, and as you know we can't afford to pay privately for treatment.

So nothing is set in stone, but is just an amazing feeling for me to know that we are on the waiting list now. Nothing tangible has changed, it's all still quite theoretical, but it's a huge change for me and I must say I feel amazingly light and, dare I say it, buoyant.

We got given a pack of phamphlets and books and a DVD. We have consent forms to sign.

I've been put back on 5mg folic acid, and will stay on it every day for up to 18 months+ We have to try and avoid caffeine, tea, coffee, and green tea even. (Being a T1 diabetic means that the only liquids I currently drink are water, milk, juice for treating lows, diet coke but not so much now that I get migraines from the aspartame, and black tea. God, I am going to miss my tea) Maintain ideal BMI. Be good. Take vitamins. Exercise.

There are a thousand details and questions, but the main things I took away from the appointment are that:

1. Yes, I can work with this woman (RE), the one who destroyed my life 2 years ago. We will not be friends, but we will be able to have a professional relationship.
2. We are finally getting some progress. We are finally starting. It is amazing to be here after fighting so hard for this.
3. Surprisingly, we will get Hubby's part of the procedures done much sooner, so it will break the time up and make the new wait easier. The logical corner of my brain knew this, but 
4. We can start to plan ahead tentatively. Things like accruing up some extra annual leave.
5. Have found a great motel, and little things like knowing where we will be staying are important to me, the control freak lols :P

Yeah so that was positive, I am happy, it's good news.

We are starting. We have come full circle back to the start.

When patience is not a virtue

We have been sitting here patiently waiting for an appointment for our first consult at the fertility clinic since Feb 2010. Yesterday I called my ob-gyn's office to see what was happening. He's supposed to be writing a referral letter to the fertility clinic for us. The lovely receptionist called me back today, to let me know that my paper work was "still in her typing pile" and she "would do it tomorrow", which is today. Argh! All that time wasted! Nearly 4 months :(

Oh well, at least I called - now things should get rolling, hopefully.

p.s. took my first pre-natal vitamins this morning. Feels good.

Today was a test for me: I had nothing planned. No work to go to. No appointments with lawyers. No Hubby home from work to talk to. All my friends and family would be at their jobs all day. I had to find something to do!

I've done 2 loads of washing. I cleaned the kitchen. I wrote my resume. I hunted for jobs online (and found 2 which I will apply for, but I don't realistically expect to get). I did the groceries, and bought a new hairbrush. I bought the prettiest pink nail polish because the colour made me happy (Orly's Je t'aime - you really can't got wrong with a name like that!).

And I finally "manned up" and went to speak to my lovely pharmacist about pre-natal vitamins. They were fantastic! They loaded me up with this Blackmore's Pregnancy and Breastfeeding Gold, and also a special 5mg folic acid supplement to take because I'm a T1.

I tried calling my ob/gyn to see why I haven't had a referral to the fertility clinic yet, but the kindly receptionist explained that they were swamped and could she call back tomorrow? Come to think of it, I'm also waiting on a call from the lawyer today... and that hasn't happened either.

Oh, and I got woken up this morning by a phone call from my lovely aunt. She's an absolute sweetie. While my Dad is stressed about my "redundancy" and gets all worried, my aunt gets MAD! She was telling me not to sign anything! Take them to court! Get their name smeared across the papers etc etc. Sigh. If I was a rich girl... maybe I would consider doing that sort of thing. At the moment I think I will have to let them buy me off, because I can't afford the possibility of losing an employment battle.

I had noticed that my blood sugars had been riding quite high over the high-stress days of the last week. Yesterday, they were approaching normal, but after the phone call with Auntie I was back up to the ceiling. :P I've just got to try and keep calm. Everyone keeps telling me they can't believe how calm and "together" I seem to be. Well, maybe it's because at the end of the day I am happy to get out of that place, and now I feel very much like I've been given a second chance. (Don't get me wrong. My boss is still a raving lunatic. And what he did was still incredibly illegal in this day and age, there's no doubt about that.) I believe this will give me some time to re-evaluate what's important in my life, and create some new plans. :)

So, how's your Monday?

I'm doing the wimpy-chicken

No, it's not a fun new dance. It's me being a scaredy-cat. Let me explain.

I was a good girl this evening, and on my drive home from work I remembered that I was nearly out of diabetes supplies, so I called into the pharmacy. In the carpark I decided that I would ask my pharmacist about whether I should start taking pre-natal vitamins, mainly folic acid. I was all psyched up.

I get in the door of the pharmacy and it's packed with folks coming in after work with the sniffles. Because my pharmacist sees me every 4 weeks or so, he gestured for me to come to the front of the pack. Much to the disgruntlement of the other patrons! haha :P He doesn't even need to ask my name, just "do you want everything this time?" "Yup" And 2 mins later a parcel of Humalog, Lantus, and test strips will appear on the counter. So there wasn't time enough for me to get across the pharmacy and look at the vitamins.

I was about to ask the pharmacist about folic acid, or maybe ask to speak in the private room, but it was soooo busy, and then a colleague from work walked in and said hi, and I chickened out. Wimp! Oh well, next time.

Perhaps I should call my GP to ask him? I had remembered the TV ads for Elevit said something about their vitamins being the only one to contain the amount of folic acid as recommended by the NZ Ministry of Health. (Elevit has 0.8mg folic acid.) So I did a bit of checking, and found this guide from the MoH (PDF, 825 Kb).

In section 3.6 it says that yes, 0.8mg is fine for "normal" women, but their recommendation for Type 1 diabetics is a whopping 5mg! Wow! It also says that it's best to take a folate supplement for at least 4 weeks prior to conception. I've already had my Endo casually mention that I should be on prenatal vitamins... but I have no idea when this IVF gig will kick off.

Speaking of which, I'm getting a bit miffed (translation: slightly grumpy and a little worried) that I've not yet heard anything from the fertility clinic about an initial appointment. I don't know if perhaps it's because my ob/gyn has not sent through my file, or maybe it's because Hubby and I have not yet completed our blood tests? Not sure. I must phone my ob/gyn to see what's up. Maybe the waiting list is just too long?

In local news, we've had some flooding in our region, and the wind is nasty. Our house is 90% painted, but the roofers seem to have disappeared completely! Oh, and my poor hands are aching in the cold :( Wah! Off to make a nice hot cup of tea! :D