Monday, December 30, 2013

12w3d Second midwife appointment

We got to hear the heartbeat tonight! Our midwife R said it could take a while to find the heartbeat using the Doppler, or even be impossible, but our little TF was loud and strong straight away.

It is nestled low down, and R thinks that my uterus has come up above my public bone already. She noted that the pubic bone itself was quite low down.

The appointment was about 1.5hrs and we were able to ask a lot of questions and learn about all manner of things.

We spoke about pre-eclampsia and how it could be detected in me since, as a woman with Type 1 Diabetes, I unfortunately already spill protein in my urine. Thankfully there are other markers of the disease such as high blood pressure. Hubby suggested borrowing my Dad's home blood pressure monitor to test me every couple of days and R agreed that from 28w that would be a good idea. She also told us about some other women she'd worked with who had experienced pre-eclampsia and told us what happened for them.

I still has to do a urine dip stick test for both protein and glucose (!) and surprisingly the protein test came back near-enough to negative. I have no idea how that happened. As expected the glucose test came back 3+, and I offered to do a blood test for her, and showed her the Dex readings but she didn't want them. Sigh. Will keep working on that one!

I have had this nasty head cold for a couple of weeks now. Last night I gave in and took 2x paracetamol which of course threw the Dex readings out for 8hrs :( Boo. R suggested that a trip along to the GP would be a good idea to check I don't have a sinus infection. R said that it is now a bit safer for me to take antibiotics should I need them.

I asked about the pains I've been getting low down just above my hips. These happen especially when I wake up at night and turn over too quickly. Or reach for a tissue because I'm up all night sneezing. Seriously, I was up 6 times last night variously peeing, sneezing, or treating lows. R said they are probably just round ligament pain and completely normal, however if they are low and central then that would be bad. She also advised to roll over with my knees together, and advised not to stand on one foot as it can aggravate a central ligament.

I'm sure we talk about more, but that's all I remember for now. Next appointment will be in about a month.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

12w1d On holiday and doing nothing

Really. Nothing! Just mucking around the house, taking to the chooks, and dozing whenever I get tired which is often.

Went for a short bike ride yesterday and as a result could hardly wake up today. Just exhausted all the time.

And sometimes hungry. Or bloated. Or both at once. I feel like I can't fully take a deep breath sometimes. Hubby thinks I am starting to show.

I am waking up once or twice most nights to pee or fix a low. Also, I have this terrible head cold. Last night I woke up and attempted to roll over to get a tissue off my bedside table and I get an excruciating pain down my lower right side, just above my hip bone. It passes quickly but only if I straighten out again. Must be round ligament pain or something. I will be seeing the midwife on Monday (Sat today) so I'll ask her about.

Had a wonderful relaxed Christmas, managed to avoid the Boxing Day sales. Bonus! Just been relaxing and hanging out with my family :)

Monday, December 23, 2013

11w3d Christmas Eve-Eve

Christmas shopping is all finished (hooray) and this evening I put up the tree and then we wrapped all the pressies. Including the first thing ever for our one on the way:

Here is the tree, with massively oversized tinsel star that keeps threatening to tip the whole lot over:

Pregnancy symptoms at 11 weeks seem to be settling down a bit. Over the past 3 or 4 days I've gotten a lot of my energy back. A week ago I set the record at 3 naps in one day, not including the 11.30am sleep in. Then I got a horrendous head cold that featured loud sneezing with nose like a tap.

I have given my cold to Hubby and his Mum, and now I'm feeling better lol :P

Breathing is feeling a bit weird at times, kind of like the feeling you get when the cat is sleeping on your chest.

I've upped my breakfast to be one slice of gluten-free toast with lashings if crunchy peanut butter, a cup of decaf-tea with raw sugar and trim milk, a handful of prunes and a nectarine or a couple of fresh apricots.

I still haven't gained any weight (57kg) but I have reorganized what I've got: arms and face seem a bit skinnier while belly may? Seem? Rounder? we are taking photos but even though I'm frustrated at being stick with hardly any pant to wear and still being a long way away from maternity clothing, there is no obvious "popping" yet.

Getting a lot of lows at the moment, and they generally seem to take double the amount of carbs to get me back to fighting fit. So two juice boxes instead of one. I got so frustrated with juice that I've started eating glucose tablets again :-/

Getting what may be a few food aversions to beef, some chicken dishes that I normally love, and generally being slightly nauseated by awful smells. No real cravings but I do find I must snack or eat meals every 2hrs or so otherwise I feel slightly weird/ill. When I go low I go pale and get tired needing to sit down immediately.

Still having mild trouble with constipation, but can't really complain since I've been doing idiotic things like swapping my pre-natal vitamins from bedtime to morning (not cos I forgot! Honest!).

I got out in the garden for two days and tidied things up in preparation for hosting Christmas lunch for our parents. Kids will be here for breakfast and back for dinner at my parents house.

After over a month of waking at 4am for a low blood sugar that would haunt me until dawn, I finally remembered to actually so something about it. Cue messing with nighttime basal rates at 1am the other night! Result? Flat as a pancake from midnite to 8am woohoo!!! Very proud of me self on that one. Guessing it won't last too long before things all change again.

So, Merry Christmas to all you lovely readers. Have a wonderful day and I hope Santa brings you what you asked for!

P.s. Can I ask you all to say a little wish/prayer for a good friend of mine who is doing clomid treatment right now and has, 2 days before Christmas, got another negative result. She's battling on but getting a little overwhelmed and considering IVF. I really hope her next cycle works and she gets what she's been dreaming of! Thank you! :)

Saturday, December 7, 2013

9w How to thoroughly scare everyone, including yourself

First, be a high-risk Type 1 Diabetic pregnant woman who has just done IVF.

Next, wake up at 2am on a Friday morning with a splitting headache and take a couple of panadol. Wait 20 mins.

Start vomiting dramatically and violently for several hours. Decide you have suddenly been hit by the worst morning sickness the world has ever known.

Drink a tiny amount of water. Fail to keep even that down. Repeat a couple of times, enough to get really scared about dehydration and the baby and whatnot.

Thank the heavens that your husband is here and that he can monitor the Dexcom. Double thank you to the diabetes gods who prevented me from going low throughout all of this.

The the other end joins in. Belly pains. Not morning sickness. Food poisoning. Well, that's sort of okay if it means I won't be doing this every day, but only on the condition that little walnut baby is kept safe and healthy.

At one point I feel so sick, I'm sitting on the couch cos it's closer to the bog that the bed is. My temperature is mega hot and I've just sweated so much I've drenched my big fluffy pink polar fleece dressing gown. Hubby gets very worried when I start moaning and pacing. I know he nearly took me to hospital right then and there.

Early hours of the morning: remember that vomiting plus headache could equal ketones. Do a blood test and get 0.3 on the Optium. Fail to remember that this is still within the normal range and decide I will probably need to go to A&E for IV fluids. Decide to wait a bit until morning and if it's not better, then trundle off down the road to the hospital.

As soon as it's respectable, start texting and calling: my Diabetes Nurse Educator, my GP, my midwife, my boss, my friend, my Mum.

DNE was great, she called or texted throughout the day to monitor my progress. We discussed it and she suggested if I was really worried about dehydration I could go straight to A&E, but that we could try managing this at home.

The time between events started to increase. By about 9am I can drink a little ginger ale, and I try my hand at some marmite toast (too soon!). Tiny, tiny bites. We'll chewed.

The GP doesn't want to see me, even though the DNE and midwife both want me to see him. Well, technically the receptionist doesn't want to see we. She tells me just to go straight to the hospital.

The midwife phones after 1pm and is working off old info by that time. She wants all sorts of nasty tests that involve leaving the house. I tell her I am now able to hold down liquid. Put down the phone, and turn my truth into a lie! Sigh.

DNE checks in again, she is happy with my progress. Hubby looks exhausted, poor darling.

Snack on ginger ale (regular) and ready salted chips. I find that if I let my tummy go empty I feel a lot worse. Use a couple of temp basal increases, and bolus carefully for any food - but always wait to see if I'm going to keep it!

Mum pops round about 4pm, by which time I have finally, almost got a complete set of clothes on.

I manage a small dinner of pasta spirals with chopper mini tomatoes in olive oil and black pepper. The best food in the world it tastes like!

Last night I sleep a full night for the first time in weeks. I didn't even get up to pee. Which probably means I'm still a bit dehydrated. I feel much better today, although I've lost 4kg (from 59kg back down to 55kg). I am eating small snack and trying to drink a steady amount of water.

So, yeah, that is how to scare the pants off everyone around you.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Slightly belated: 7w6d ultrasound

Sorry to keep you all waiting so long, my only excuse is that I have been exhausted. Like, take a nap at 3pm exhausted!

Great news: we had the "8 week" ultrasound done on Thursday 28th 2013 when I was 7w6d.

Here is a piccy:

The size of a raspberry? Kidney bean?
If you need help deciphering the picture, the line between the two little white crosses is the crown to rump length CRL 1.29cm, and the head is down with bum up. The left curve is the back, and the interesting fluffy parts on the right is the umbilical cord, and perhaps arm and leg paddles? Who knows. We saw a good heartbeat of 164bpm which the OB/sonographer said was right on target. She also looked a bit bored but basically told us that everything looks right on track.

I have never been so relieved to see some flashing, pulsing pixels in my life.

Hubby filmed it on his phone, so I will try and post the video up sometime too.

When the OB checked my ovaries, she said they were still quite swollen, and even asked if I had been overstimulated. They were big and empty looking. She said they were still recovering, but I hadn't expected that to take so long. Who knew the ER would be so damaging to them?

In other news, we had another chat about the ante-natal testing, and Hubby basically came to the conclusion that I will worry like a crazy woman unless I know, and I came to the conclusion that if it was really that important to him I could live with not doing the testing. End result is that we have agreed to do the testing including blood screening test and nuchal translucency ultrasound scan. I am pretty relieved about that. It means a great deal to me that should we find anything, I can have time to prepare myself.

Symptoms? Yes. Plenty.

Sheer and all-encompassing exhaustion is the major one at the moment. I am fine (sort of) and awake one moment, and the next I am the walking dead. lol. Mostly I can get through the day, but I am taking some serious cat-naps in the weekends.

No morning sickness. And that is the way I have decided it shall stay! There has been a little bit of mild nausea, but it's actually more like what I would describe as extreme hunger. As a diabetic I don't get hungry, like ever and this is because I am and have always eaten on a regular schedule. On the rare occasions when I have experienced hunger (from illness etc) I never really recognise it as such, and it instead feels a lot like a cold, slightly nauseas feeling radiating out from my sternum/high-stomach area. It's not an "I'm about to puke" feeling, and it usually goes away with application of noms.

I am sneezing a lot at the moment, not sure if it's hayfever or just irritation from the increased blood supply to well, everywhere including my nose that's doing it. It's tolerable but if it gets much worse I will have to look and see if I can take any hayfever meds... don't like my chances though.

Peeing is my new hobby. My record at night is 3 times. And none of those was caused by a low or low alarm.

Prunes and kiwifruit are my new best friends, as are bottles of water.

My diabetes is being...predictable. Well, almost. It's not terribly stable, in that I am going low multiple times per day (and night), but the predictability comes in the timing of those lows. They tend to happen about 2hrs post meal. My DNE nurse put my I:C ratios up for all main meals a couple of weeks ago when I was still having quite a few highs. At the time I thought the increases in I:Cs were a bit late, since I could already tell that my blood sugars were dropping. And now they are tanking multiple times per day, however the insulin doesn't kick in soon enough if I take it when I start eating (I know, I know, supposed to take it earlier!) and I am still getting a noticeable rise in blood sugar after a meal. Trouble is by the time the bulk of the insulin is kicking in, the food is wearing off and that's when I go low.

When I was last on the phone to my DNE she recommended that I eat a lot MORE food and a lot more fat and protein, especially for lunch. Well, I have been trying that for a week now. I feel stuffed to the gunnels most of the time and have regained half a kilo (after losing 1.5Kg in 2 weeks which is what got her so worried). I do get more hunger feelings that I am used to, however I cannot really handle eating this quantity of food PLUS all the emergency food I am eating/drinking to get my blood sugars up when they go low.

This evening I went to the supermarket to get three things: yoghurt, strawberries, and bananas. Smoothie time. Well, I pulled into the carpark and since my Dex was still on start-up, I did a quick test. 3.8mmol so I drank a juice, ate an afghan bar and decided to wait. The Dex and Vibe then both started bleating for calibration tests, so I did those too. My brain was foggy but not so foggy that I couldn't do a quick nip into the supermarket. I had a written list and I thought I had just eaten all of my food - turns out my foggy brain had completely forgotten about the pack of jelly beans in the globe box, as well as doing anything sensible like phoning Hubby. Sigh. My brain just gets super fixated on a single thing, in this case I knew that the supermarket had food, and I knew I needed sugar, so that's where I went.

Got a trolley to hang on to instead of just a basket, and started working my way slowly through the shop to get the items on the list. Note to self: do not shop while low. What should have been a $15 trip cost $90!!!! All manner of tasty treats found their way into my trolley! Whoops! Just before I got to the checkout, I started to panic a bit as the low symptoms were coming on really strongly. I must have been looking rather pale as several shelf-packers gave me weird looks. I headed to the drink aisle to get something sweet and fast. Ended up grabbing a bottle of lucozade which is 68g of carbs in a bottle, but no caffeine - I checked.

At the checkout, the woman in the queue in front of me was taking forever. Then she decided to pay using a credit card that wouldn't scan. The receipt finally printed and the checkout-chick tried to fold it up, got is scrumpled up, tried again, and again; there was lots of smiling and laughing amongst them while I contemplated breaking all the social conventions of supermarket shopping by ripping into the lucozade before actually buying it. I had my eftpos card out and ready. I was standing with both feet flat, the trolley wedged against the counter so that I could lean on it. Even in my hazy mind I knew that 3 point support wouldn't tip over! Finally I got my groceries scanned, paid for and bagged, and headed out to the car. Got things loaded in ok, all while the world wooshed and fuzzed around me. A bit of a mix between extreme tiredness and hyper-sensitivity to lights and colours. My brain slows right down and I must carefully check every thought to ensure that what I am doing is correct, will use the least energy until I can get more glucose in me, and will not be liable to draw unwanted attention to me. I am quite good at this (I think) so managed to do a moderate sized grocery shop on a blood sugar of about 3mmol (and it was still dropping at one point, with Dex alarms blaring!) all while no one around me was any the wiser.

Got that lucozade in me, waited, tested and as soon as my brain felt ok, and the test was over 5mmol I drove home.

Hoping to get my DNE nurse on the phone early this week to see what she suggests to sort this out. And eating more is not practical!!! I just do not have room!

Only a could of weeks of work left and then I will be on Christmas holidays. Yay!

Thank you to everyone who wrote comments on my last post with advice and support. I really appreciate you help :D

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

6w4d First Antenatal Appointment with our Midwife

We had a long and thorough initial appointment with our Midwife this evening. She seems like a good match for us and we are both comfortable with her.

As well as fill out loads of forms, she also gave me a lots of brochures to read.

We discussed my medical history and she is going to organize the NT scan with the OB.

But this is where I am not so happy. I had always thought we would test for Down's Syndrome since I am at a higher risk due to T1D. But Hubby is against the idea, arguing does it matter since we have already decided what we would do with the information should the baby have Down's: nothing. We have both known people with Down's Syndrome as we grew up and we agree they can be wonderful happy people who lead rich fulfilling lives.

But I still want to know. I hate surprises, especially the sort where a simple blood test could put my mind at rest either way. Of course, the blood test is not definitive, the only way to do a diagnostic test and know for sure is with an amino, and I know I'm not keen on that due to the increased risk it carries.

Plus, we also disagree on antenatal classes. Having done this 3 times before Hubby is bored of them, thinks they are patronizing and that you learn more off the midwife. Which may all be true. But it is trampling all over my nice vision for this time. He would prefer the weekend short course. The midwife plainly advised against this as it can be information overload. I prefer the six week evening course, where you get to journey through it with others and potentially find others to share the experience with.

I am feeling very alone right now. I have no friends my age pregnant, my sister desperately wants a child bit circumstances make it hard, my Mum unfortunately has not yet had any meaningful/useful conversations with me, she mainly claims that too much has changed. And now Hubby is pulling a sad face when I say what I want. And I admit I am pulling a sad face too.

I want the best of both worlds: Hubby and the benefit of all his knowledge and experience, just minus any bad or prejudicial experiences from last time. He says he wishes this were his first time, well, now I really wish that too.

I want to test for Downs as I want to know. I want to do the NT scan to know my baby I'd healthy. I do not want to wait with my head in the sand and get a big nasty surprise with an ill baby on its birthday. I want to be proactive and prepared, even if all I can do is prepare mentally for a potential outcome.

Do I understand Hubby's reasoning: yes, and I was settled with it until I considered getting that nasty surprise. It's NOT the same as waiting to find out the gender - which I currently am happy either way - it is serious and could affect both my maternity care and the early care of our baby.

I dunno, I'm just so tired all the time now. Can barely stay awake through my class. Leaving work as soon as I can. Just, feeling overwhelmed, lost, and a bit alone right now. I know Hubby loves me very much, but I don't know what to do and I can't seem to hold my own in a conversation / debate / argument with him when I just can't concentrate. :(

Other than that disagreement which I'm sure we will resolve, everything is fine, no news.

Symptoms over the past several days: cramping, tender breasts/nipples, mild constipation, extreme fatigue, hunger for protein, some very mild nausea/ vertigo feelings yesterday, nosebleeds a couple of days ago, copious sneezing, fuzzy brain, hypo unawareness.

Baby should have a heartbeat now.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

5w4d Third Beta

Just a quick update for you on my third and final Beta HCG test today: 4479 and rising "very nicely" according to the nurse who phoned the result through to me.

It was a bit hilarious at the medlab this morning. They know me by name now, and I know most of the phlebotomist's faces or names. So I was a bit surprised when a teenage-looking boy (let's say 19 - 21) in a lab coat called my name.

A senior technician was there too and she explained that the trainee technician was going to do everything "except the needle" and I was fine with that. The poor dude was so nervous, I think they chose me to be the first real live patient! He did most of the prep fine, but didn't get the tourniquet quite tight enough. He was shaking really badly!! The senior took over and did the blood draw which took a bit of digging. She only got a tiny amount of blood and had to check with another technician if it was enough for the test. It didn't hurt at all which is lucky.

Feeling very hungry most of today - I actually drove to the supermarket at lunchtime from work and got cans of salmon, a bad of nuts/cranberries, croissants, tomatoes and kiwi fruit for lunch (well, it will become several lunches!)

This evening I was still quite ravenous, but immediately after dinner I got so very sleepy. I did a bit of work after dinner but then actually fell asleep in the lounge chair lol. Of to naps for me!

Monday, November 11, 2013

5w3d Panadol vs. Dex

I woke yesterday morning to the mother of all headaches. I knew instantly that it was going to be a long grueling day: my super-human sense of smell sniffed something like paint as I was waking up, and the headache decided to stay with me from 7am to 11pm.

Of course, I can't take neurofen at the moment, bit I didn't want to take panadol either as that messes up the Dexcom readings.

We had the step kids and they wanted to go to a gala day which was a beautiful, noisy, rowdy, fun outing except my head was killing me and I kept going really low. Hubby bought me a lolly kebab on a stick!

I slept fitfully most of Sunday afternoon, waking a couple of times for high alarms. At one point I woke up enough to check the tubing and found a massive bubble going right into the infusion site, so I unplugged things and primed. It dripped a few drops and then seemed to stop. With the bedroom curtains drawn, and bleary eyes, I couldn't see that I was actually shooting a thin spout of insulin across the bead spread! Oops!

By 11pm, and after every natural remedy I could think of, my head was pounding so I gave up and took 4 panadol - why that many? Because paracetamol normally doesn't work for me.

True to form, the Dex duly started to rise higher and higher. That's because it measures glucose molecules, but acetaminophen molecules look very similar to the Dex sensor. This causes false high readings. Very high. My meter said I was about 10mmol, while the Dex thought I was about 19.3! Let's just say I learnt how to disable the high-alarm feature pretty quickly. With the Dex and the Vibe pump both going mad at me every couple of minutes there was no way I would get sleep with them on.

Felt much better this morning, taught Monday class - always a drain that class - and tried to get away early but failed.

I did however get home in time to start calling midwives and OBs. Turns out the OB I want is private only, and costs nearly $4000!!! Although we could just afford that, it would be stupid as there are funded OB options available. I'll just have to make sure I don't get the one we had at the start of this IVF journey as he was strange and gave bad advice.

I did manage to book in my 8w scan with the private OB, as she has ultrasound equipment. I then had to email the fertility clinic so they can send a referral letter through to her offices, and that way it will be covered under maternity funding so free to us - yay! I just hope I don't like her too much :/ I'm checking with my health insurance to see if it covers obstetrics, but don't hold out much hope. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I won't get the OB of my choice. Which sux big time since I've heard great things about her. Sigh.

The midwife was a more positive call. We left a message and she rang back after dinner. She is the first one I looked at, mainly because she stated in her online profile that she works closely with specialists. She took time with us on the phone and we will meet her early next week.

3rd HCG test is tomorrow. I don't really have any nerves about this one, as I've had so many symptoms. And no bleeding with cramping, or bleeding at all, which I take as a good sign.

Oh, did I mention that the gala day was held at the primary school where me, Hubby, his Dad, my Sister, my 3 step-kids all went? Yeah, it has zoning and we're not in the zone, but Hubby knows the principal and asked him if it's possible to put our name on the list anyway and we can! Talk about forward thinking! So exciting! I really hope this pregnancy sticks and goes smoothly, I am getting a bit fond of our little embryo!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

5w2d a useless appointment with the GP

Yesterday we duly trotted along to see our GP to tell him I'm pregnant and ask for advice on getting a midwife and an OB.

Turns out, our GP was pretty much useless and couldn't really tell me anything I didn't already know.

So now it's once again up to us to research and figure out exactly what services are funded and how to access them.

Because I'm Type 1 Diabetic I should be allocated an OB since I'm classed as a "high risk" pregnancy. I seriously hope I never really need the help of the OB, but I definitely want those skills available to me!

My husband, having had 3 kids previously is very keen on a midwife and I like that idea too. I can have both I believe, and I've looked up local midwives online and found a couple who may be good matches. One in particular states that she works closely with specialists - and I will have a lot of specialists.

There is one OB/GYN that I really want, but she is private and I'm not sure if she is available through hospital funding. The GP confused me on this - I couldn't tell if he meant the local district health board or the patient would be charged several thousand dollars.

Anyway, I will be calling quite a few places on Monday to get some answers and to hopefully book in to meet them.

One important thing I have to do is sort out where my 8w scan will be, either the radiology place or perhaps at this OB's clinic as she has some fancy ultrasound equipment which is one of her big drawcards.

My symptoms these past couple of days are pretty mild. I feel really good in myself, and positive overall. I have noticed I am getting minor nosebleeds and also severe head rushes when I stand or sit up, to the point where my vision goes black for a second.

Since cutting back the progesterone to 300 and today just 200mg p/day, my blood sugars have been a lot more stable. Heavenly almost. I am no longer having to use a temp basal. I think the "serious hypo unaware lows" of the first trimester have hit, and my juice consumption has risen back up again. It's not too bad and I'm able to treat myself and watch for them on the Dex, but even do I've still adjusted my breakfast I:C ratio to be a weaker 1:7.

Still peeing like a champion, and getting thirsty as a result all the time. Fatigue is with me especially in the afternoons, and I am currently going to bed early while the teens stay up watching movies!

Although I have no morning sickness or nausea (hooray) I am finding that watching what I eat closely (do deli, no caffeine, no uncounted-unbolused carbs etc) mean that I am generally hungry quite soon again after meals. Hard to tell if this is real hunger, or thirst, or just my body going "holy heck did you finally figure out how to stop the post-prandial blood sugar spike??!"

Note to self: once again, you have proof in the form of blood sugar reading that show work and stress is bad for your health.

Went for a moderate 1hr bike ride today and it felt really good to be out moving. I often feel really sleepy in the evenings, but also in dire need of a walk at least.

My lower tummy is actually slimmer this week than last week, I think that is the effect of all the injectables wearing off. Hubby has been taking pictures of my "belly" aww he's so cute!

In terms of texture, it used to feel squishy like inner-thigh flab, and now when I press my tummy there is a definite firmness. Inside, the cramping has eased, although I feel a pretty constant pressure. There are still the occasional twinge or cramp, and when I woke up this morning I sat up way too fast causing not only a bad sharp cramp but also a spinny head rush.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

16dp3dt (aka 4w6d) Cramping

Although I'm not super worried about it at this stage, yesterday and today I have been cramping quite a lot. It's not really bad, but it is quite localised on the right side. I have been reading that cramping by itself, as long as it's not too severe, is generally a good sign.

Still, there have definitely been occasions today where I've had to sit down and catch my breath. It's good to just take a break anyway. I've found that drinking more water lessens the cramping, and it can't hurt. Plus it helps to stabilise my blood sugars.

Which are doing absolutely great today! The new settings my DNE provided me with are working really well and I haven't gone low or high today!

After a late night last night, and heading for another one today, and with teaching 4 hr design classes 4 days a week I am quite tired. Sometimes when I relax a bit my mind just feels like it's full of cotton wool. I am feeling quite clumsy, bumping into stuff. Not sure if it's the hormones or the tiredness, but this fatigue and semi-constant cramping is starting to wear on me a little bit. But it's reassuring at the same time, as it means things are cooking.

Also - not just dull cramps, but sharp twinges. I got one just now and it started on both sides of my lower spine and came around the sides, and then sparked down my right inner-thigh. Gone in seconds, but weird nonetheless.

Feeling positive, but also aware that I should avoid bending and picking stuff up. My Mum had already told me that she had a miscarriage between my sister and I but she let me know that it happened at around 8 weeks for her, before she knew she was pregnant for sure. And that it happened after a day weeding in the garden! So I am cutting out any activity that could stress my abdominal muscles unnecessarily. I mean, why take the risk.

I phoned my Aunt this evening and let her know we're pregnant. She has been a constant loving element in my life, and the happy noises she made can only be described as super-sonic! hehe

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

15dp3dt Second Beta (aka 4 weeks 5 days)

Second beta test today came back at 453! Woohoo!

This gives us a doubling time of roughly 42hrs, which is right smack bang in the middle of average.

Got a different nurse on the phone this time, but she sounded very positive and said "it's a good number". The relief I felt when I finally got the call was amazing. As you can tell from my previous post, I was getting a wee bit stressy about it. I was just so unbelievably happy that it came back positive that it was like walking on a cloud for about half an hour. After which time the adrenaline rush wore off and the fatigue set in.

They tested my progesterone too and it is 338 so the nurse said I should start weaning myself off the dreaded progresterone pessaries by dropping the dosage from 2 x 3 times daily, down to 1 x 3 times daily until they run out, or roughly 4 more days. Apparently I am making plenty of my own.

I need to go back in a week (next Tuesday) for another HCG test. The only way I found this out was by refusing to let the nurse hang up on me a la "just one more question!" haha I was determined to get the info out of her! Actually, I think the nurses' office must have been fairly busy, as I could hear other nurses talking to patients on their phones in the background.

I enquired about when is appropriate to enlist an ob/gyn and midwife. Nurse said that the fertility clinic has care of us until the 8 week mark which will be 29th November for me. At that time I should travel back up to Hamilton for my first ultrasound scan. Now, don't get me wrong, I cannot wait for this ultrasound. At about weeks today, I'm about halfway there. These milestones are incredibly important and hold great significance to me and my husband, and all those supporting us. But do I really want to travel over mountains for 3 hrs, have an over night stay, pay for a night in a motel, and book a day off work for two people?? Um, no. I asked the nurse if there was anything special about the ultrasound scan, and she thought about it for a moment, they said "well, there is a radiology place that you could ring and enquire if they would do it, but you would have to pay privately for it, just call and see if you can get an appointment for around the 29th Nov and then let us know so we can send a referral note through to you. They will then need to fax the results back to us." If it's less that the cost of all that travel and missed work, then we'll do it.

I keep thinking it would be great for the fertility clinic to provide a flowchart of procedures and appointments, just a general "what could happen" document. Rather than having to wrangle the info out whenever they choose to phone.

Once I got home Hubby suggested we book an appointment to see our GP this week to get his advice, as we may be able to get the scan for free??? I don't really care too much about paying for it, I just want to know that I won't have to travel. We have an appointment with the GP this Friday so I'm hoping I will learn heaps there!

Some more good news: I got my HbA1c result back. 16 Oct = 45 or 6.3% A slight rise, but this was taken after the transition to the pump (still learning) and before the application of copious amounts of crazy IVF hormones.

Not too shabby.
Went to the two elder step-kids senior high school prize-giving ceremony tonight and they both received awards! Very proud. It was cool with Hubby and I, their Mum and her parents, youngest step-son, and MIL. Some big cheers!

The school hall was packed for the ceremony and it got very hot. I was fanning myself with the paper programme, and started to get some really bad cramps, especially on the right side again but moving all over the place. I felt a bit faint, and figured I just needed to cool down and have some water. Which worked very well.

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and support. It's wonderful to know you are all out there cheering us on! :D

Monday, November 4, 2013

14dp3dt My Husband is wonderful

It's nearly midnight and I am a bit of a mess. I have been battling high blood sugars now (above 15mmol) for several hours and I'm now 2.9mmol. Very low. Amazed I can type coherently even.

This progesterone is totally kicking my butt. Plus I suspect I may be making my own now.

Today was a tough class to teach. I didn't enjoy it and my heart rate got raised. So did my bloodsugar from the stress. That is where today's roller coaster started.

After lunch a high caught me and wouldn't let go for several hours. This one I attribute to accidentally buying a white-bread sandwich that I thought was brown bread. Boo. Sux when something so stupid can wreck and ruin things like it did.

I went low just at the time before dinner when my Diabetes Nurse Educator phoned. We have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, and since she didn't know that I'm now pregnant it was vital I talk to her about these stubborn highs.

Actually I thought I wasnt doing too bad, diabetes-wise, before she said it was urgent to get these under control, and that it would have been more ideal if they had been under control at conception. I said "they were!!" I have been working so hard to keep my numbers safe. And I was doing bloody well before IVF drugs and pregnancy hormones jumped in the ball-pit!

Anyway, it was a friendly Chet and she gave me lots of new (much stronger) insulin to carb ratios which will increase my meal boluses by 30 - 50%. That's huge and I'm not convinced. But I tried it for dinner (another bad choice: takeout, but I'm exhausted, we both are) and at first I thought oh hey this is working! I'm flatlining after a burger! Brill!

And then suddenly about and hour after dinner my blood glucose just took a massive ramp up. Climbing and climbing, until it got over 18mmol!!! I was frantic. Drinking loads of water, giving as much insulin as I dared. Still nothing worked and it kept rising.

I have read of other T1D pregnant women feeling guilty over high blood sugar, but this wasn't just guilt, this was fear, terror. High blood sugars can result in all sorts of bad things for the foetus which I daren't write here. Just google type 1 diabetes and pregnant to scare yourself shirtless. :(

I gave upwards of 4 correction boluses and put a 30% temp basal increase in place as I was about to have more progesterone which will make my blood sugar rise.

And them I decided to check the line for bubble. Bloody bubbles! With only 57 units left (I know, that sounds like too much to throw away to me too) I ripped out the set and put a new infusion site in. When I pulled the cartridge out of my pump it looked all bubbly like sprite. Useless. So, bubbles are another defendant in the case against high blood sugars.

We toddled off to bed, and I was finally dropping, but with double arrows straight down. I felt terrible, the cramping was just cramping up as it tends to do whenever my blood sugar goes low or high or moves too fast (same thing happens on period so not too concerned) and I was exhausted from the day and trying to beat back highs.

I cried and told Hubby I was scared. I'm doing what I feel is my best and it's not good enough. It's one thing to avoid caffeine, but when it comes to the really important stuff like controlling my blood sugar I can't do it. I'm trying so hard. It feels like everything I do with my diabetes management is hurting me, and worst, hurting my baby. My baby. Wow. That made me well up. I feel very helpless not being able to provide a safe, stable blood sugar environment. I'm doing my best. I won't give up I will get this sorted. I knew it wouldn't be easy.

But sometimes you just have to lie there and be held as you pour your heart out to you soul mate and he cuddles you and tells you it's going to be fine and that he's proud of the amazing job you're doing.

I'm crying through this. I know a lot of it is probably the hormones giving my emotions a hiding, and coming out of a low, (5.2 now, thank God) and the sheer overwhelmed-ness I feel having gone through this IVF process. The lead up has been so long and harrowing. Now that the embryo is in me, I feel an enormous responsibility to do my best to keep as healthy as possible.

So, I am being proactive and making a plan:

- DNE's new insulin to carb ratios may be too strong, but I shall try them for a couple of days and then change them if necessary.

- I will txt my DNE to ask advice

- I will try to avoid white breads, rice, etc and other high-GI foods in large quantities.

- don't be lazy. Cook good food. We do get in the habit of eating out once or twice maybe per week.

- be gentle when correcting a low, and always have a stash of glucose with me.

- be gentle and kind to myself, and practice stress-reduction techniques.

- realize that I can only do my best, and what will be will be

Second beta is tomorrow. I have no symptoms to doubt this pregnancy, but I am so, so scared. Please send your love and hope and thoughts to us for a good rising beta.

Thank you for all of your support. This is scary and knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts really helps to calm me.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

13dp3dt Well, it feels real...

..but will it stick around? Will I get a good beta on Tuesday?

I am pretty calm, and it's sinking in more. I am currently pregnant and I have to keep telling it to myself cos I just don't believe it. I have been to look at the pee-stick several times today. Just to check I didn't imagine that line. Or the phone call from the nurse. I am hoping they will send the results out to me on paper, so I have something tangible to fret over.

Things I have discovered today:

  • People are treating me differently already. Which bugs me. Why are you all getting worried about me now, but not the day before first beta? eh? I am the same person!
  • People who don't have a clue I'm pregnant treat me the same as always. Which also bugs me. Where is my special treatment already!? Can't win over here. lol
  • It should not be possible to forget that something is going on down there. Most of the time, it is painful and crampy (not severe cramping). Plus there are the twinges. I guess that's what you'd call them? Sharper, achier pains that occur all over the place. Anywhere from my hip joints right up to my clavicles. Ribs. And of course the abdomen. Sometimes I can feel a twinge going right um, up me. Sometimes it goes around my uterus. I think. Without an MRI to hand, I am just guessing at anatomy here. Oh and also the firm-en-ing-up of my tummy, and the general inability to button my jeans.
  • I gave in the moment we got the nurse's phone call. By that, I mean, I have allowed myself to dream of this child. I have been collecting names. Hubby and I even had the briefest of brief chat about names. I have been watching videos about what happens at 3 and 4 weeks pregnant, and I have downloaded a couple of pregnancy tracking apps. By the power vested in the Interwebs, I am able to determine that my Estimated Due Date should be 11 July 2014. None of these things are what I would consider "safe". I mean, throughout the whole time I have been waiting for this (can't use "trying" as we've technically never "tried" to get pregnant in the traditional sense lol) I have been moderating my thoughts severely. To keep my mind from exploding and my self from collapsing in a crumple of tears, I made a bargain with myself: I could think of certain things (names, due dates, pregnancy details, maternity clothes, nursery decorating ideas) only once I reached certain goals (accepted for treatment, started treatment, positive beta) to protect my mind. My reasoning being that if I didn't think up good, wishful, dreams then I wouldn't be hurt as badly should things go south.
  • And now I have gone there. The gates are open and I cannot reign in my insatiable curiosity and dreaming. It is lovely to be able to feel I can now safely think about this sort of wonderful stuff...
  • ...But, then I realise that I could lose it all on Tuesday, making the fall so much harder. I hope beyond everything that this, my first pregnancy, sticks, stays, grows, and is healthy. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire existence.
  • The centre of my universe has changed. I'm not sure where it was before, but it's now growing in me (I hope).
  • My brain can think of little else. Until I do something (gardening, cooking) and forget entirely.
  • Speaking of gardening: I did lots. I know, I know - I'm not supposed to exert myself. Or get too hot. And I know. It's bad for the embryo. But it has been the most beautiful spring weekend and I have been so at peace. I was, I think, not able to garden all winter until this IVF was done. Now that I feel positive again (it's been a while since I've felt so energized) the garden is crying out for attention. I drank lots of water, made sure not to over do things, and only went out in the sun for short spells. Oh, and there is another reason why I feel positive about it. Part of the stories the women in my family share include that of doing some crazy, manual labour such as cleaning the stove, washing all the windows, or weeding the garden. So I take the desire to garden as a good omen.
  • You may have noticed the word energized in the last bullet point. Imagine having all this energy and happiness one moment, and then the most crippling fatigue so you have to lie down or risk feeling faint the next. Well, that has been my day. I get especially tired towards the end of the day.
  • I decided to get tougher on my blood sugars. I really really tried to get in touch with my Diabetes Nurse Educator last week, but we are playing a mammoth game of phone tag at present. Too timid to adjust the basal rates (especially while still on those progesterone pessaries ewww), I spent most of Saturday thinking what I could do instead. First up, I tried doing more correction boluses when ever I went over 12mmol. I also started ignoring the pumps suggestions of "0 units" when I had IOB, and instead gave small conservative boluses. This worked ok, so I then thought up a more permanent method - Oh hey! I will just adjust my insulin sensitivity factor a bit! I went from 1u:4mmol up to 1u:3mmol. This has proved to be too strong especially in conjunction with gardening, so I've just put it back down to 1u:3.7mmol. Let's see how that goes.
  • Tomorrow is my first day of work where I will be pregnant. I have a rather unpleasant bunch of students to teach, and I hope, for my sake, that they behave themselves. I will not hesitate to "pop down to the office to get something" if I feel they are upsetting me or getting my heart rate up at all!
  • I can count things in pregnancy-numbers now: 4 weeks 3 days pregnant.
So, that is all. Sorry about the rather random haphazard post today. It's nearly 11pm and I am beat. Also, just gone low. Also, getting a twinge right now!

Sing it with me: I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope Tuesday's beta is a good positive number; strong doubling is what I am hoping for.

Thank you for the flood of support you have offered me. It is truly humbling to know that so many people across the world are supportive. Thank you! :D

Friday, November 1, 2013

11dp3dt - 1st Beta HCG

It's good news folks. Yes! Pregnant!

We were waiting and waiting for the call. I was trying really hard to be patient, and since the nurse had said it would be around 2 - 3pm call time, when it ticked over 3pm I started to consider phoning the clinic myself!

Hubby kept me busy by handing me some work (coding, occupies the brain quite well) then we went for a drive to his new work to collect some files for a new project. My sister also works there and when she saw me she meerkat-ed up from her desk and was like "are you..., do you know?" And I had to tell her "no news".

3.45pm: We drove home, and just as we were parking the car Nurse P called! She said "I have some great news, you're pregnant congratulations!" She then went on to say that they like a number over 50 for day 14*, and my bHCG test came back as 94! She was really positive and sounded confident, which has given us confidence to start believing it, a bit.

(* day 14 = what the nurse said, as in I have been counting wrong all these days. It is actually 11dp3dt. Doh.)

The emotions are predominantly shock, relief, happiness, and OMG! We smiled a lot, and Hubby shed a tear and got all giggly! I think Hubby felt the truth of the news much sooner than me, as I am still not having a really strong emotional reaction. But, a part of that is that I have been feeling the symptoms for days now, so I would have been mighty surprised if it came back negative.

Nurse P went on to say that I would need to repeat the test on Tuesday (which will be 15dp3dt or day 18) and they will call again in the afternoon with results.

I have been looking online for beta doubling numbers, and of course Google does not have the answers I am looking for. Namely, what MY result will be!

Diabetes-wise, I had my suspicions that this IVF thing had worked when I started getting low blood sugars in amongst all that progesterone. One of the first ways that a type 1 diabetic is affected by pregnancy is by lows. So, that was actually the first hint. Plus, I am pretty sure I felt implantation, it was sharp like a really bad pulled abdominal muscle. At the time I was pretty sure it would have been too early, but on doing more research I realise it was just about the right time.

So, time to tell people. I had several stern words from family and friends yesterday who have been following and supporting us all through out journey. Mainly they wanted to tell me that I must put them out of their suspense-misery quick smart!

We drove around to my parents place (they both have the week off work which is convenient) but they were out, so I sent them a neutral-flavoured text asking when they would be home. 15 mins, right, see you then.

In the meantime we skipped over to Hubby's Mum's place and she was the first person we told. In the back garden, in the sunshine, with her neighbours looking on :) She gave us both a big hug and looked really, really happy.

Because MIL had mentioned that eldest-stepson was coming to have dinner with her, Hubby thought it would be a good idea to track him down (he works after school at his high school IT dept.) just so both he and MIL could know together for their dinner. We texted him, then went and gave him the news in the school library. He gave us both a big hug and smiled.

Next up, we tried visiting my parents again and they were home with the door wide open. We walked in and I said "We've got good news!" and my Mum just caught me in a big hug. Big hugs all round!

And lastly for the hug-a-thon, we tripped over to the kids' house to tell the two younger step kids, more smiles, hugs, and then we got to see youngest's new bike he's building.

By that time it was nearly dinner time, so Hubby suggested we go out to celebrate. Yay! We went and got Greek food. I was feeling pretty bloated, uncomfortable, crampy, sore, and I just felt so full it almost hurt to breathe. But soooooo happy. We couldn't stop smiling and saying "oh wow!"

While waiting for our meals, I texted a few of my friends who have been following our journey closely, and soon the phone was buzzing so much the waiter was giving me strange looks lol. Then one of my friends who is also TTC started asking me questions like, when does morning sickness start? and I realised I don't know. I then started thinking about all the other things I don't know.

And then, we talked about how both of us have been focusing so much on reaching this goal, that we haven't really considered pregnancy much. I know I haven't. I mean, I know it's coming, it's here, but I have had this superstitious thought that if I ponder what it would be like for me to be pregnant, count my chickens before they hatch etc etc, then I would jinx things.

All this is leading me to believe that I know embarrassingly little amount about actual pregnancy itself. Time to get reading.

And then I thought, what the hell, let's grab a couple of home pregnancy tests. And some antacids. And some more prunes. And chiiiiiiiipies!

My first positive home pregnancy test at 11dp3dt. The line is faint, but it's definitely there!
And, as promised some days ago, here is a beautiful, beautiful picture. This is our embryo at 3 days old, 6 cells.

Our embryo. Love.
Thank you so much to everyone who hoped, prayed, wished us well, and crossed your fingers. All that love your sent must have helped! :D

Thursday, October 31, 2013

9dp3dt Beta Eve

It hurts to sneeze. I know this as I have just doubled over after 2 mild sneezes.

The trouble? A combination of two things, one of which is directly related to progesterone and I hope can be solved with prunes. Sorry TMI. The other is new today: bloating/swelling of my tummy.

I got Hubby to come and inspect, and he agrees that there has been a significant change in the, um, density? Consistency? Of my tummy. What used to be soft'n'squishy is now much firmer and full feeling.

I have had cramping continuously today. It started off rough, as I didn't get a very good sleep last night. The Dexcom sensor insertion went horribly wrong in vampire-fashion and bled. It did hook up and start working, but then it decided that I didn't really need sleep at all. I got woken by the Dex and Animas Vibe low alarms no less than 10 times. Oh, and i wasnt actually low. Cue a very grumpy morning me. Almost didn't go to work as I felt so crappy, but since I'm taking half of tomorrow I thought I'd better get in there.

Class was good, but the bloody Dex decided to swing the other way and scream high alarms at me throughout my lesson. I had to keep apologizing for it. :(

Let's just say that between the lack of sleep, the suspense, and the physical pain I am in at the moment with the cramping et al., I was super happy to come home mid arvo.

Oh, but then we needed groceries, and Hubby and I cooked dinner together (which I love!), and then we both worked until late.

I'm in bed now, so should shut all this off and go to sleep!

Wish us luck for tomorrow! :)

I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope we get a positive result.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

8dp3dt Only 2 days to go!!!

I have spent most of the past couple of days wondering how to stop myself getting too optimistic.

A quick look at the website of a pregnancy-test company shows that I have several "symptoms" which could be good signs: fatigue (I'm getting very tired by 3pm, to the point where it is strenuous to remain standing for more than a few minutes), dizziness (mostly related to the fatigue, I think), tender breasts (could be the progesterone?), frequent need to pee (and I have unintentionally cut back my water intake due to teaching class - I am thirsty a lot though so must remember to drink more water!), cramping (again, could be progesterone), mood swings (not consistent thank goodness, but did you see my last post lol?) and, lastly, unfortunately: constipation (mild, but combined with cramping and progesterone and pre-natal iron means more fatigue). That is 7 out of their 9 listed symptoms.

Beta will be at 10dp3dt on Friday, which means it will be 15dp ER (egg retrieval and conception).

Many of the people around me seem more outwardly excited than I am. I am trying really hard to moderate my emotions and not get too damn soppy about all this, lest it come crashing down around my ears. I must remember that it is a tough journey for any embryo to make it, and that it is definitely not guaranteed at all. So, I seem to be spending odd and random snippets of my day trying to calm other people down. A lot. Like my delightful friend who tells me she has already started knitting!

At least my Mum, Dad and Sister are no trouble. If anything, they seem to be a mixture of stunned, embarrassed, delighted, and worried about the whole IVF process. Mostly, it is expressed as not asking questions and letting me do the talking. We have always been a family that doesn't really talk about taboo stuff, and you can't get much more taboo than the nitty gritty of reproduction!

Tonight I changed both my infusion site for my Animas Vibe and my Dexcom sensor. The infusion site change went well, although after dinner, and working on some coding project, I was pretty tired.

The Dexcom sensor change was a disaster. It stung when I inserted the sensor, and when I removed the inserter, I looked and saw a pool of blood gathering under the clear plastic. Boo.

Maybe it knows Halloween is just around the corner?
Initially it was just a spot of blood, but it grew quickly until it was about 1cm diameter: about the width of the sensor base.

I was distraught. Each sensor is about $125 (my parents are kindly funding them, and I was so proud of being able to make the previous sensor last 14 days) and they do not grow on trees. But my bigger problem is that if I have to replace it, I have almost no spare real estate on my belly!

With my dress still hitched up under my bra, and the little snap-off plastic doohicky that helps snap the transmitter in place still attached, I grabbed my Animas/Dexcom manual, and promptly cussed when I could immediately find the phone number. The Interwebs knew it though, and in no time I was talking to my Pump Rep at 9.30pm. She assured me that it happens, that I should put the transmitter in and see if it works, and email her in the morning if it hasn't hooked up by then. If it's still dodgy then they will replace it under warranty. Fantastic!

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words and support! I really appreciate it :D

Sunday, October 27, 2013

5dp3dt Twinges

Saturday, and the start of the long Labour Weekend here in New Zealand. We have the step kids staying with us this weekend (they are ages 18 boy, 16 girl, and 12 boy) - they come every second weekend to stay and the first thing Hubby showed them when they arrived on Friday evening was the photo of our embryo. The younger two were quite positive, the older was more reserved. Hard to tell what they are thinking sometimes.

Today I slept in, and then got up, had a lazy shower, and helped Hubby prepare lunch for all of us. I am struggling to get enough healthy choices - I mean, pizza for lunch one weekend with the kids is fun. Pizza for lunch every weekend with the kids is too much. I need healthy choices at this moment in time if never before! Normally, our go-to Saturday lunch with kids meal is make-your-own filled rolls at MILs, with ham, salad, cheese etc. Of course, I can no longer have deli-meats, so I was going to get a little tin of salmon instead (yum!) and take that to MILs house, but she is unwell so Hubby just brought the pizza home with him. But hey, I am not one to complain when someone prepares a meal for me! It's just now I have even more nutritional restrictions (diabetes plus PUPO) and I now feel like I am spending most of my waking moments planning safe, healthy food and drink choices.

Even tea. Black tea has caffeine and I have decided to have zero caffeine intake. I am drinking Dilmah decaffeinated tea, but have also just got some raspberry leaf tea - I quite like it! This is coming from someone who thinks that green tea tastes like lawn clippings lol

So the guts of this post: perhaps the hormones have finally got to me?

Hubby and I had a really bad fight today. We hardly ever fight. And when we do, it's always over nothing. This was no exception, but it felt worse. It started when we were with the youngest at a newly opened playground for kids. It was literally teeming with toddlers and children. Although I may be pregnant, I still carry the years of being infertile with me, so that mixed with my childhood memories of the park and I was already having an internal battle. And then an incident happened that may have involved the youngest. Long story short, it felt like Hubby had instantly "sided" with his son, rather than trusting me. And he couldn't understand me, and I felt he was being irrational. Sometimes I feel really alone in this journey, afterall, he already has kids and cannot possibly have identical feelings to me about this situation, although I know he dearly wants a child with me now. It's just that after 10 years in this family, for him to say one sentence and it immediately devalues my place in the family, and makes me an outsider to the family group, and comes with the assumption that I don't want what is best for his kids. All that is just what I feel, not what I know or what is logical. But that doesn't stop if hurting me deeply and upsetting me. I know Hubby was also greatly upset, it wasn't just a one-sided thing at all!

He took the kids off to get an ice-cream while I sulked in the car - I really didn't want to be anywhere near them. Once back at home, we tried to reconcile but it just got worse. We both got really worked up and I drove off to give us both space to calm down. I went to my favourite garden centre and bought new vege plants, and while I was there Hubby phoned me and we were soon back right as rain. The thing is, while I was so angry and sad and upset, I was also getting really bad twinges in my abdomen, especially over my right hip, and right through to my lower right back. It didn't last very long, but I was concerned enough to decided to go home even before Hubby rang. I am not supposed to elevate my pulse or raise my core body temperature during my 2WW.

Once I got home, the house was empty as Hubby has to do some work, and the 2 of the kids were in town, while the youngest had gone with Dad. So I attacked the garden to work off some of my fury. It was quite overgrown as I had let if go fallow since autumn (I hate gardening in the winter - I am a fair-weather gardener) and it was great to get in there and rip out the old capsicum plants, corn stalks, and giant weeds! Bending and digging was hard, as was pulling out weeds. Every movement which activated my abdominal muscles made me acutely aware of them, and what might be behind them, and so I kept taking breaks. Soon enough, I was all hot and bothered just in time for Hubby to come home and find me covered in dirt. We had a big hug and all was good again. The world was righted on it's axis once again.

But here is the strangest part: in the overgrown garden I found: 1 chicken, 13 eggs, and a perfectly edible pumpkin that had been hiding out all winter! The chicken in question is one of our 4 pet chooks, and she has been going missing in the afternoons from the open-top fenced in area of the orchard that the chooks call home. I was digging out a particularly stubborn weed when this chicken burst out of the undergrowth, clucking like a mad thing! I went to investigate where she had come from and found a hole in the hedge, and if I stuck my whole arm in I could just reach the clutch of eggs. Unfortunately, they will all have to be thrown away cos they will be stin-ky!

Tomorrow, if the weather holds to be fine again, I will look at finishing the clearing of the garden and maybe even get it planted up. I might try and enlist some help with the heavy digging this time.

Hubby and the two youngest are out tonight playing in a band (yes, really) at a local private function, so I cooked a pasta dinner for the eldest and now we are watching another of those crappy James Bond movies. It's one with Roger Moore in it, not my favourite Bond.

So symptoms today, apart from the twinges: generally crampy feelings, they are normally small-sized and will move about every couple of hours - maybe starting quite low, perhaps below my uterus, and then moving to one side, then in the upper abdomen, then around into my lower back. This evening the cramp/heaviness is more similar with what I get prior to my period, and everything I have read suggests that these can be signs of implantation. By breasts are still a bit tender, but nowhere near as bad as 2 or 3 days ago. Blood sugars are getting more erratic unfortunately, and I am experiencing more low blood sugars after not having any during the stims and ER/ET processes. I am finding that I must keep myself well hydrated, otherwise I can start to get a headache pretty quickly.

Now officially past the halfway mark of the 2WW, and I am feeling really positive about this. I still try to maintain a realistic attitude, as the nurse said, I might feel symptoms, I might not, and in either instance anything could happen. Please keep your fingers crossed for us!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

3dp3dt A call from the lab

And.... the second-best embryo made it to morula then blastocyst stage but was too poorly to freeze.

I saw a missed blocked call on my phone and assumed it was the lab, so I called the embryologist M back. Instead I spoke to C who said that unfortunately our last embryo didn't make it to freeze. She was very kind and compassionate about it, and answered my questions. I called from my desk at work (open plan) as I thought, well it's no good waiting until I'm home as the lab will be shut. Plus I was already pretty certain it wouldn't make it, although there was always an outside chance we would get one to freeze, and that was my goal, I knew in my heart when the lab said back on Saturday that the second-best one was slow that it would be a long shot. Oh well.

The embryologist on the phone mentioned happily that the 3 day embryo we did transfer was of a good grade, so I asked her about their grading system. She said day 3 embryos are given a number grade of 1 to 5, with 5 being the best. The one we transferred was a 5! How awesome is that?! She then went on to say how once they reach blastocyst stage, there is a different grading system of a number plus two letters. Anything 3 or below has such a low chance of turning into a healthy pregnancy that they are not generally frozen. She didn't offer a grade for our blast, and I didn't ask since she had already explained some of the biological issues it had. Sounds like it was a bit of a mess by the day 6 report! Poor little embryo.

My good friend and colleague was well within earshot and she knows what we're doing do I told her, and she said "well it doesn't matter cos you already have the best one!" and then "you know, I've started knitting already!" way to jinx things lol.

But actually it does make a big difference. I hope with all my heart that this first IVF cycle works. But the lack of any frosties means that there will never be the potential for a full-sibling. If this cycle works then we will not be eligible for another funded cycle. If this cycle fails we are not guaranteed another funded cycle, but it's likely that we would get one after about a 6 month wait.

Ah, the dreaded 2WW. Where suddenly every little feeling has the greatest significance to it. My symptoms are as follows: sore breasts and very tender nips, a hardening/ tenderness/swelling in left breast, occasionally mild cramping and feelings of pressure low down in abdomen, plus this evening I got two very distinct sharper cramps on the right side. My outlook is very positive, I'm very smoochy lolz, and overall I feel pretty calm about all this.

Diabetes has been ok, nothing dramatic although any stress I can see my bloodsugar shooting up. I have taken to bolusing for stress! And work is not even that stressful. I worked a full day today and again freelanced until 9.30pm.

We got some healthy burgers this evening, as they have little pottles of the best dark choc ice cream! Oh so delicious! I managed to carb count very well and actually started dropping rapidly with the hour of eating.

Hubby is being very supportive and kind to me like always :D he said this evening how great it would be for us to have a child together. Yes, it would indeed be great. Scary, worrying, hopeful, exciting a whole big mixture.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

2dp3dt The waiting is hard

Because my mind is playing tricks on me and my body is doing this that are unusual.

Yesterday (Tues) I went back to work. I park my car down the bottom of a big hill and it normally takes me about 2mins to walk up it. Well. My feet felt like they were made of lead, my thighs were aching, my tummy was crampy (not really painful, just tense and heavy feeling). I slowed right down and just had to concentrate on breathing to get up the hill and to my first class.

I spent yesterday with pretty good blood sugars, although now I have the Dexcom I'm definitely more discerning and I don't like to be above about 12 mmol for any length of time.

Today when I woke the crampiness was much reduced, and it stopped quite suddenly at about 11am today - the same time my blood sugar dropped to 4.9 which is the lowest it's been in about 5 days.

This evening my left breast has a hard sore patch, feels like a sharp bruise, so in short I have no goddamn idea what these hormones are doing to me.

I am maintaining my positive outlook and I seem to be able to work ok. I definitely didn't get as tired today and worked a full day, then freelanced until 9.30pm!

Still avoiding caffeine, and I have been resisting the temptation to go get a kebab and instead every night i am cooking vege-rich meals, which is actually making me feel good.

With the pump and Dex site changes, the 3x daily progesterone (600mg total a day) I have actually forgotten my prenatal vitamins twice in the last 4 days. Felt a bit bad about this, but since I don't have a time machine I just have to leave that guilt and remember the next dose.

This evening I went quite high 15.0 and sat there for a while. Boluses weren't working and I realized my site change as due this morning. So I did that and changed the battery for the first time also. Good news is my blood sugar has dropped to 10.5 now, but that took a ezBG bolus, plus a normal bolus just to kick things along, plus the +20% increase basal.

It's hard to know what is a symptom and what isn't. Google is little help, but I have been reading forums about implantation signs and it seems like anything goes. Cramping is both good and an omen, or just your body recovering from the ER and ET. Sore boobs can be a sign, or a coincidence. Fatigue, cravings, having a westerly-facing letterbox: according to the interwebs these could all be predictors of both implantation or not.

So I am waiting with a certain about of chargrin. It's kind of nice to be in this space where Hubby and I can know we might be pregnant, but science can't tell yet, you know? Makes it even more special.

The lab sent me the embryo photo. Hubby thinks its cute. I will share it with you after I get the initial results. As I said in the previous paragraph, it's kinda nice having something private in all of this. Gosh, my whole office knows what I'm up to. My close family, several of my friends, plus Hubby's colleagues and friends and family too! I like to think of it as "sharing the burden either way"

Monday, October 21, 2013

CD 15: Embryo Transfer day! 0dp3dt

Our Day 3 embryo transfer went perfectly. I am now - dare I even type it? - PUPO!

Since our appointment was at 11.10am, we didn't rush getting up. I woke at about 7.30am and made us both tea and toast (I am on caffeine free tea, but not being terribly strict about it).

We packed up the motel room and drove down to the lake for a walk. Since it's spring here in NZ, there are just loads of cute baby animals all around. Awww! I saw 3 baby pukekoes and a bunch of ducklings. In case you have never heard of a pukeko, here is a pic:

Source. These rather prehistoric looking creatures have enormous feet and live in fields and wetlands.
And that is not counting all the baby lambs and calves, and kid-goats and piglets I saw out the window on the car on the drive up!

Focus. Ok, so it went really well. When we got to the clinic I was busting, since they needed me to drink lots of water for the external ultrasound. We were shown to a room where I could get changed into the beautiful hospital gown moo-moo. Once again I clipped my insulin pump to the neckline, and we then found I'd cleverly left the Dexcom receiver down in the car! Poor Hubby had to race back down to get it. The embryologist and Dr G both came to see us, and nurse M gave us a gently-toned lecture about keeping my core body temperature after the procedure, and using the progesterone pessaries until told to stop.

We were led through to the OR with the spaceship door, and I had to walk right around the bed and climb on. The lovely nurse D was helping setup the bed with stirrups and towels and stuff, and Hubby took a seat to the left of my head. The ultrasound screen was, as before, to the right of my legs and then - I looked more to the right, past the hatch to the lab - I saw our one little embryo on screen!!!! The photo had been take yesterday when it was just a 6-cell, although the embryologist, M, had said it was now a great looking 8-cell. We only get to transfer 1 embryo since this is a publicly funded cycle, and even then I don't think anyone would be in a hurry to risk multiples in a Type 1 Diabetic woman.

Hubby and I were both shocked at this tiny little thing. Granted, it was magnified to be about 10cm wide on screen (only 125 microns in real life, we later learned) but it was amazing. I am hoping to receive a copy of the pic soon, will share when I get it!

Nurse D squeezed gel on my tummy and used the ultrasound thing to show us my (full) badder and uterus-squashed-flattish-under-said-bladder. She showed us where to look. Then Dr G came in and both of them laughed about how no one had told the lab that we were in here, and how there was some mild role-reversal going on with doc making the call to the lab and nurse working the ultrasound!

The doctor inserted the speculum and did something else, advising me I would feel some "mild tugging" on my cervix. Now, how am I supposed to know what that should feel like, eh? Anyway, to me it felt like a catheter being inserted - I could feel it go the length of the, um, journey into my cervix and there was some mild stingy/cold (very mild), mainly tickley sensations. Not unpleasant at all. Just weird as it was novel. This was not the real deal yet, so I'm now entirely sure what Dr G was doing, a test run maybe?

Next thing they were checking my name and date of birth again, Dr G checked the name matched the petri dish on the shelf at the lab-hatch. The lab tech then loaded up the catheter from the petri dish. I could see her peering under the microscope and taking her time/having a devil of a job scooping up the embryo into the catheter. She passed it carefully through the hatch to the doctor, I made sure to watch the screen and take a deep breath.

Of course, I was looking in the wrong place. I caught the "bright spot" out the corner of my eye right in the centre of the screen, but Hubby saw it no worries. It stayed bright for the time the ultrasound was trained on it, and Dr G told us that it was the bubble of liquid around the embryo that we could see.

And then it was over. I wasn't asked to lie down for an hour. I could get up right away and make my way back to the first room. Cue a stream of nurses all telling me to avoid raising my core body temperature, again. Nurse H, Nurse D, and Dr G all wished us best of luck and that they hoped it would work for us.

So that is that. We drove home this afternoon. I had a horrendous high blood sugar caused by a not so brilliant lunch choice, and that damn progesterone. Seriously, that stuff is an absolute nightmare for a diabetic, let alone one who is now supposed to be watching her blood sugars like a hawk! I am having to set a 20% basal increase for 2hrs every time I have the progesterone, although unlike an injection I never know when it's going to "kick in"! Arrgh!

Apart from that it's all good. Surreal, but good. I don't feel any different and it will be nice just to be calm for a while with no trips back to Hamilton planned for the near future.

p.s. So, you are wondering about the other embryos eh? Well, yesterday the second-best one was a 5-cell and had grown to a 6-cell today. They will culture it on and if it gets to blastocyst stage, then it will go into the freezer. The other one stopped growing at 3-cells. I kinda wished we had at least one more to freeze, knowing that we have had a pretty consistent 40% attrition rate all along this journey. Maybe my stim meds were not strong enough? Oh well. For now, I will wait and see what happens at the end of the 2ww.

p.p.s. Dr G said I have a small polyp on my cervix. Looks benign, but that sux.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

CD 14: How many embryos made it?

And are we going to be doing a day 3 or day 5 embryo transfer?

Today was the first day I lost my shi*t in this whole thing. I had been getting dreams last night about the embryo transfer and so when I woke up it was the first thing on my mind. I woke at 7.30am, and then had to wait until "lunchtime" for the embryologist to call us with the news of how many embryos had made it overnight.

I didn't realise how attached I would get to them. Those three little potential-people.

MIL was preparing for her first open home so we went around there to help her prepare a bit, and we were just walking in from the garden when I heard a phone ring. I nearly jumped out of my skin and literally yelled at Hubby "PHONE!!!!" He looked at me like I had lost my mind - which I had - and politely told me it was my phone.

I answered, but in my nervousness I couldn't remember how to put it on speakerphone so we were head to hear trying to listen-in. T the embryologist was lovely, and said that of the 3, one of them didn't look so good today. But of the other 2, on looked great and the other was ok. She said "well since we already have our shining star, we will do a day 3 transfer, I have an appointment for you at 11.20am tomorrow morning."

I asked about whether it would be possible to get a photo of the embryos and she said yes she would note that down for us but we would also need to tell the embryologist on tomorrow as it will be her day off. Then I wanted to know if the clinic provided valium or anything for the ET, and she said no. I explained that I had read some things suggesting it would be good to relax the muscles, and she said "stop reading!! I have seen hundreds of ETs over 7 years and there has never been a problem like that" I felt very reassured. We thanked her once again for explaining things so well the other day, and then hung up. We were off to Hamilton again!

Every now and then the enormity of what we are doing just hits me. It is so amazing and scary and exciting. There is such hope. We have been through so many obstacles and although I am trying to think of this as "a chance at a chance" it is becoming more difficult not to get attached to those little embryos. I must try and think of this just as another medical procedure. Stay calm, as going nuts doesn't help and it just puts additional pressure on Hubby.

So we are now up in Hamilton. We have been out for a big meal and I have been writing lesson plans to send to the relief teacher who is looking after my class tomorrow.

Wish us luck. This is a surreal time.

p.s. my sister just clicked that she might become an aunt tomorrow! How cute :)

Saturday, October 19, 2013

CD 13: Fertilization report

Happy news! We have 3 good looking fertilized eggs!

Last night I went to visit my parents and got home a bit too late at 10.30pm. Hubby was already asleep! I slept well but was woken rudely by the Dexcom yelling at me that I was low. The first two times the alarm went off, I didn't look at it, rather I dreamed I looked at it and in my dream it said I was high lol. Getting up, doing a test, handling the pump and wobbling about getting juice was not fun, I had pretty much list my balance from a combination of tiredness, hypo, and effects of the sedation and codeine wearing off.

Woke this morning with a really sore throat. I later looked at my throat in the mirror and there are little nodules over my throat :( boo. By tummy felt a lot better and I was comfortable stretching out today. Still had some mild cramping this morning which has since eased, but mainly it feels like I have done a million low-ab crunches.

I took the first of my progesterone pessaries (yuk) called utrogestan, this morning. Little buggers are hard to get into "location"! I feel like I am filling up with little white marbles lol. So far my blood sugars have been going low, which may be a combination of previous hormones wearing off, and tiredness. Not sure if the lows are directly attributable to the progesterone yet, as I normally got higher in that part of my cycle.

Had a shower and by the time I came out into the lounge, Hubby was sitting on the couch with the number for the lab all dialled up and ready to call. We left the embryologist a message and asked her to call back to Hubby's cellphone. With that, we could leave the house knowing we would get the info.

I really wanted a walk, but I knew I wasn't up to that yet. I had read that gentle walking is good to help stimulate blood flow to the endometrium lining so that's another good reason to get up and about.

We had to get a warrant of fitness check for our car and it turned out that we needed a new tyre. At the tyre shop they were able to do it right away so we went for a gentle stroll into town and back for 20 mins. I have never wanted to sit down so badly! But it was excellent to get a walk to loosen up all my muscles.

We took the car back to the testing station and while standing in the carpark, in the glorious spring sunshine waiting for the re-check, we got the call from the embryologist, T.

I suddenly got a rush of worry and trepidation and nerves. Her first words gave no indication of what sort of news she was about to deliver. I was simultaneously deciding that it was bad news and that I wasn't sure what my reaction would be in the carpark, and I was making deals with myself about how many embryos would be "good" or "ok". I was silently hoping for 3.

When she said "it's good news" I just about sank with relief. T went on to explain how out of the 5 eggs, 3 has fertilized normally and looked great, one more had fertilized abnormally and failed to eject one of the DNA halves it needed to, and the fifth failed to fertilize at all. 3!!! Thats a 60% fertilization rate. Yay!!!! It's so amazing to think that we have just created 3 potential people!

The embryologist will phone us again tomorrow about lunch time to tell us how the three of the have grown/not-grown overnight. She will also be able to advise us whether we will need a day 3 or day 5 transfer. Today is day 1. If we need to do a day 3 transfer then we will be back on the road again tomorrow after lunch.

T had previously explained how there are pros and cons with transfers on both days 3 and 5. If there are only a few embryos then a day 3 ET is more likely, however if there are more then they might choose a 5 day ET to grow some on to blastocyst stage. Of course, it might mean that none grow-on, but as she pointed out that would just save us from a 2ww to find out the same result. However she also pointed out that some people believe a day 3 ET is better to grow the embryo in the natural surroundings, so to speak. I am not fussed. I kind of expect a day 3 ET simply because we only have 3 embryos (as of today) but I'm not fussed either way.

My boss and friend at work both know what's going on and they support me, so I will be able to take sick leave for either time. Actually, there's not really an option is there? I mean it's not like you can move this sort of appointment lol!

Symptoms today: I'm generally feeling much better. My brain has mostly returned. The nips have been incredibly tender and almost clenched? Well, painful anyway. They did start to relax a bit today. I had some minor bleeding from the egg retrieval yesterday which is petering out today. All in all I'm feeling... well. :D

I went very high after a lunch with MIL (damned pizza and cake :( boo) and actually slept for a couple of hours. Hubby cooked another lovely dinner of gurnard fish, roast potatoes and a salad with almond and Parmesan on top.

And now we are watching an old James Bond movie :)

CD 12: Egg retrieval procedure

Please forgive me if this post makes less sense than usual, or rambles, as I am still awash with codeine!

Good news! We got 5 excellent looking eggs! I'm really happy with this and the embryologist said they all look the have good membranes.

By now, we may have a 7-hour-old! How crazy is that?

Started off this morning very early with a light breakfast at 5.40am (4hrs prior to OPU) and then napped until 7am. I got up, had a shower, got dressed and we packed up the car and drove over to the fertility clinic at 9am.

As normal we checked in and were given little slips of paper to take across to the other side of the building. Mine said OPU 9.40am (oocyte pick-up) and Hubby's said sperm sample! I told the receptionist that wouldn't be necessary or possible since Hubby had to have TESA sperm retrieval, but on closer inspection the form said "from andrology" so it must just have been a "defrost this please" note lol.

We were in the waiting room long enough for me to look through a couple pages of the morning paper, and then our old nurse came out to take us through to the Pre-op/post-op room with the armchair.

We got talking about diabetes and she told us how she has struggled with T2 and so has her family. It was nice to share with her, and Hubby showed her the Dexcom while I went to the bathroom.
Then started an onslaught of nurses, doctors, embryologists all checking my name and date of birth. I had yet more forms to fill out, and they must have told me all about everything at least thrice.
I was very impressed with the embryologist, T, who told us how she feels a great responsibility to take get time to search for the best quality sperm from a sample, since she is choosing the DNA of our potential future children. We asked her when exactly would the ICSI fertilization take place, and she said she would start the process at 2pm, carefully washing the eggs, then putting then in an acid solution to remove the outer membrane. She would then take her time looking for good quality sperm to fertilize all the eggs with. She reckoned that 2.30pm should be about fertilization time! :D

---- I had a break from writing, got a bit tired! ----

Anyway, after the doctor tried to come in several times only to find the nurse and I were busy chatting (she took my blood pressure too - slightly raised for me), she was finally able to put in the cannula for the IV. I only told her afterwards what a drama it was last time!

It made a lot of difference having a plan to manage diabetes, and having the medical folks take it seriously. I made sure that I remained calm (and I truly never got stressed even when I got locked OUT of the OR! Lol) as it can affect my blood sugars and make them drop rapidly.

Getting the cannula in meant that I could have IV dextrose should I need it, and having the early breakfast ensured I had a "buffer" in the tank. But the Dexcom was the absolute winner on the day. Hubby could hold on to the receiver and manage it, we even practiced with him testing my blood sugar via fingerprick test the night before. We made sure to tell all nurses and the doctor that the alarms might go off and not to panic. We were able to discuss with Dr G how she would give small boluses of 20% dextrose should I go hypo.

I was now in my stylish white hospital-moo-moo gown and I clipped the insulin pump to the neckline. I was told to go to the bathroom one last time, and then it was show time!

When I came out of the bathroom the pre-op room was empty, but I could hear Hubby's voice behind the big wooden spaceship theatre door. They were saying "push the green button!" and once I figured out they were talking to me, I let myself into the OR!

Setup similarly to when Hubby had his sperm retrieval, the bed was on the left and I had to walk around him at the head of the bed, around the ultra-sound machine at the foot, past the hatch to the embryo-makin' lab, and climb on from the other side.
The stirrups were padded, but they still freaked me out a bit. I knew that there would be lots of scary equipment in there so I guess I was prepared for it. I hopped up (carefully this time!) and the two nurses, H and P, kept wanting me to shuffle down the bed. I got my calves in the stirrups and they laid a large white towel across me and asked me to shuffle the bottom of my gown/moo-moo up.

--- got tired again and had some dinner! ---

While one nurse attached a blood pressure cuff to my right arm, and a blood-oxygen monitor to my left index finger (which kept slipping, causing me to adjust it, causing the nurse to scold me for moving my IV arm hehe!), the other nurse was placing black drapes over my legs to keep them warm. They unhooked the "bum" of the bed and suddenly the towel didn't feel like enough coverage lol!

The doctor appeared at the foot of the bed and asked me my weight, she then used this to calculate the dosage of midazolam and fentanyl. The nurse gave me these (and some augmentin antibiotic since I'm T1) and warned I would start to feel loopy. I got a rush of cold choking feeling all up around my neck and got a bit worried, but everyone quickly reassured me that would just be because the medication was cold.
Hubby was right by my side and kept his hand on my right shoulder. :D

The drugs took effect very quickly and I got loopy really fast! I was intent on watching the ultrasound screen - I really wanted to see my eggs! - but it was all mostly hazy. I don't remember seeing the hatch or hearing the embryologist to my right at all, although she was well within earshot.

I felt the ultrasound probe and then the doctor told me to take a deep breath and she went in for the right ovary. There was pain which made me wince, but it was over relatively fast. Two eggs retrieved on the right. I knew I'd seen 3 there the other day so my brain was still working, sort of. I was awake enough to make jokes and be surprised at how awake I was. The sedation was pretty light, but I was really loopy.

Another breath, now the left side. This one was a lot more painful, and it got worse in the seconds following the needle going in, a kind of wrenching movement. I described the nature of the pain later to Hubby as being similar to when you get an intra-muscular injection in your arm, well think of a wider needle, and then imagine you get a really bad cramp in the muscle the moment of the injection. Yes it hurt, but it was very short lived feeling and I got instant relief once the needle was out. I later learned we got 3 on the left side.

It was over! We had eggs! I was really happy to be through it, and to know that it was a calm, happy, exciting experience. Yes there was some pain but it wasn't too bad and it felt like it was only a total of 30 seconds.

It seemed like after all the activity, there was a lull for a minute. The doctor and nurses seemed to vanish out of the room (probably just out of my line of sight) and I recall a kiss with my Hubby and him telling me he loved me and how brave I was. It was pure relief.

Nurse H took my blood pressure one last time and then re-installed the end of the bed and helped me take my legs out of the stirrups. I was unhooked from all the monitors and the nurse put a pad in my knickers and then got me to slide into them while half sitting up.

Then came the slow ascent to sitting up, swinging my legs down to the left. They made me wait until I was steady enough to stand and then Nurse H helped me up and held me steady from behind by each upper arm as she walked me back to the pre-op/post-op room. I sat in the big armchair and she wrapped me up in one of those flannel blanket sheet things. Nurse P brought in a tray of tea, coffee for Hubby, and plain biscuits. The embryologist popped in to say there were a total of 5 high quality eggs retrieved. Dr G came in on a couple of occasions to check on me. Two nurses and the doc all explained on separate occasions how to use the progesterone suppositories which I have take for 5 days at least! Eew!

Oh, the embryologist wrote her direct dial number down as I have to call her at 10am tomorrow (Sat) morning to learn how many have fertilized.

She will also call us on Sunday to advise whether a day 3 or day 5 embryo transfer will be best. Looks like we will be back in Hamilton on Monday or Wednesday!

We waited about an hour then I was awake enough to leave and we went to get lunch at our favorite kitchen. I picked up the prescription for codeine and then we set off home. I took another 2 codeine tablets after the one at the clinic, but the ride home was fairly loopy and dozy, although we were both pretty happy about how well things went.

After the clinic meds and the initial Codeine wore off I got some sharp stabby cramps so took another tab. I have had mild to moderate cramps for the rest of the day, although not too bad. I can walk carefully but no long distances - by which I mean walking from the house to the car is plenty!

It was great to get home and see the pets. My friends and family were all texting me supportive texts, and after a yummy dinner cooked by Hubby, he dropped me around to my parents and my Mum cut my hair for me! Win!

Please cross your fingers, wish me luck, say a little something, or think a happy thought for good news from the embryologist tomorrow! Thank you! :D