29w4d Scan and stuff

I am on a two week mid-term break from work at the moment, so no teaching. But there are so many appointments and baby-things to do that it's not exactly a restful time either. I will try and put this down in the right order but things are starting to just become a big ol' blur!

Since my last post the weekend before Easter (when I got sent to labour and delivery for a minor bleed on a Sunday night 13 Apr) I took the Monday off work to rest up and recover, then on Tuesday morning I phoned my diabetes nurse educator (DNE) and told her what had happened and do a pump download. She promptly got me an urgent appointment with both her and my OB for Wed 23 April. She saw that my blood sugar levels were too high (averaging about 10 - 13 mmol/L semi-constantly) and was worried that this may have contributed to the bleed. She also saw that the tests the midwife had taken on Sunday night hadn't been entered in the hospital database and asked me to pop into hospital on my lunch break to re-do tests including a complete blood count and urine test for infections.

The Wednesday appointment was good, if for no other reason that getting two of my 3 medical care team in the same room! The OB took my blood pressure (118/73?? slightly elevated for me) and blood/ox (95% slightly low) the measurements were so out of character for me that the OB tested the machine on himself! That was like the highest BP I've ever had. But I know why... it was raining, I was stressing about my blood sugars and getting to the appointment, and having to reschedule the class I was teaching. Oh, yeah, and I was having another bleed just before leaving campus for the hospital! The OB basically said that since the bleeds were so minor, and apart from slightly elevated white blood cells, and slightly weird BP and blood/ox readings, and slightly raised blood glucose, everything was fine and there was no sign of any definitive problems. He wasn't fussed and put my mind at ease :) saying that some women just have bleeds, and that it could be the placenta previa??

My DNE took me up to her office afterwards, which is just two floors above antenatal clinic, and we went through my blood sugar CGM graphs with a fine tooth comb. I made another bunch of changes, and they seem to have worked out ok. Well, better for now, but things are requiring constant adjustments.

That was the last week of term, and the OB had speculated that it may just all have been caused by stress. An excellent time to have two weeks off!

First week of the hols was supposed to see me have a midwife apt, growth scan, and OB apt.

The appointment with my midwife was supposed to be on Easter Monday 21st April. And I promptly forgot all about it and we went out to have morning tea with friends then have lunch at a cafe instead. I felt VERY guilty when I looked at my phone and saw all these missed messages! Whoops! Brain fade. Got it rescheduled for later in the week.

In the meantime, on Wednesday 23rd April, I had my first growth scan ultrasound which was done at the hospital, and that was followed by another appointment with the OB.

At the growth scan we got to see Tiny Fish looking happy and healthy, with a good heartbeat of 142bpm. Growth sitting at 1417g which places in the 61% percentile. That lines up with what the midwife had measured with the tape measure at previous appointment. Baby was facing towards my spine with head down. Thankfully, we were able to see that the placenta had well and truly moved up and back, right out of the way. No more placenta previa hooray! This means I now have the opportunity to give natural delivery and/or induction a go.

The scan itself was quite quick, and Tiny Fish seemed too big to fit in the picture nicely like had done in the past. And was hiding and squirming about making it nearly impossible to get a nice shot of the head. Here are the pics:

This is, believe it or not, a front-on shot of the head. It is upside down, with the nearly horizontal curved line in bottom-centre of image the top of skull. See the two white horizontal lines on the left of image? They are pointing to Tiny Fish's chin. You can kind of see the right eye socket, and some smudges where nose and mouth are. Tiny Fish was head down way down low, and did NOT want to be photographed thank you!

This one is easier to understand. It is a whopping great foot. See the two little cross-hair markers, those are the heel (top) and toes (bottom) and it is nearly 6cm long! Wow that is big!

The OB appointment was good, and after the Dr talked for a little bit and made happy noises about no more bleeds, that I was looking better, and my blood sugars were now averaging much lower, I made sure to ask a bunch of questions:

• Can I keep my pump and CGM on during labour? Yes, that sounds like a good idea for you to do that.
• Is it possible for me to avoid an induction, as I have read that artificially induced contractions can be much more painful. Plus I don't really want the additional risk of more interventions - specifically a c-section. Yes, if you spontaneously go into labour before 40w, and you are both still healthy then that should be possible. Ideally you would start or be induced between 38 - 40w. But you can't go longer than 40w. That's the max.
• I want to restrict who will have management rights of my diabetes, will that request be respected? Yep we are happy to work with you.
• Can the IV line be placed nice and early in case I need dextrose / glucose? Yes.
• What is causing the nerve pain in my thigh? That's your femoral lateral subcutaneous nerve.
• I had more questions to ask, but silly me didn't actually pull out my phone to look at my list. D'oh. Oh well, next time.

Yes, this post is continuing... feel free to reach for some snacks and refreshments. You deserve some form of chocolatey treat for reading thus far!

Thursday 24th April rolled around and I decided to bake a cake to have ready to come out of the over at just the time when my midwife was due to pop round. What a coincidence! I was thinking that would be a nice touch since I had stood her up on Monday :P

Well, cake was delicious*, but midwife didn't get any of it cos SHE forgot! hahaha We figured that she had been called to a birth as she told me when I rebooked the appointment that that could happen. No drama. More cake for meeeeee! *it had ganache om nom nom.

The step kids came for the weekend and we had some family in from out of town. We went to the 10am ANZAC Day service at the Cenotaph, then took poppies up to Hubby's Grandfather's grave. I Facebooked my midwife and she phoned up terribly apologetic to have missed our apt and we got another one scheduled for tomorrow. Third time's the charm!

Oh, and yesterday I lost my sh*t for the first time in this pregnancy journey. It wasn't a bleed, or blood sugars, or even concerns about whether I will make a good Mum. It wasn't worries about breast-feeding, or how my diabetes will be managed in labour, or what it will be like to leave my job and go on maternity leave. No, all of these things are scary to a certain degree, but have not yet freaked me out.

So what did it?

I feel silly admitting this, but I lost the plot over our earlier purchase of stroller and capsule. See, I was thinking how the capsule didn't have much/any real padding in it and from there it was a short trip to looking at online safety ratings websites and finding that our capsule wasn't listed at all. This did not give me a good feeling and my instinct was that I needed to get a better capsule. The stroller is ok, not great, but I could live with it.

Then things got awfully complex quickly, since that particular model of stroller and capsule are designed to go together, and capsules with higher safety ratings wouldn't fit in the stroller at all. Not even with adaptors. The old capsule we thought had the option of getting a base as the lady at the store we got it from advised us, but when I called the shop they said no, no base to go in the car. Boo. And then I started thinking about how hard the stroller was to fold up. And I wanted to get rid of them and start again. It was a difficult thing to admit because a) I felt stupid b) I felt like I was making a fuss c) the items in question were not broken and would probably be perfectly fine d) Hubby didn't understand, initially, what I was trying to communicate, which upset us both e) I was incredibly confused about what I actually wanted to do to remedy the problem - or even how I defined the problem in the first place.

But once I got my ducks in a row and explained my worries more clearly to Hubby, he was lovely and understood my sometimes awkward feelings-logic.

The end result is that we will look at either selling the current stroller and capsule (about $300 worth) or if we can't then may keep them as spares. I have selected a top-ranking capsule which was an absolute bast4rd to get a stroller to fit it, however I had a ray of sunshine from a local store owner who actually knew what she was talking about. I visited her today and she presented a plan of attack to get the capsule I want with a base that fits in my car (we can hire this for 6 months), with a fantastic new stroller that is easy to fold up. Just waiting on her to order the adaptor and check that the two items will indeed marry-up. Other than that, it looks like a go. So you will get pictures of said stroller etc once it's all done and dusted :)

I know I have been stingy with the belly pics, but it is nearly midnight and I was awake until about 6.30 AM!!! last night (3 x lows, 2 x pee trips + lots of general aches and uncomfortableness) I saw dawn. So I am too tired to take photos right now. I promise to take some more but I will probably just post them to my twitter feed - you can get that over here in my sidebar - - - - - - - - >

Got my HbA1c results in, and even with that spell of higher glucose results, I have dropped ANOTHER mmol/mol:

Don't you dare call me normal.

And now my brain is feeling really scattered, but I will just tack this on the end. I promise, it's the last thing:

I had a bit of a scare on Saturday night when my blood sugar came down from a high to normal reasonably fast, over about 2hrs, and I noticed an anomaly in the vision of my right eye. I was trying to read the fine text on a Beatles album cover that my step-daughter was playing, and I noticed this blurry fizzing shape that was tracking with my vision, just to the right of the centre of focus.

Because I have a Dad who had detatched retinas, and because I am a pregnant Type 1 Diabetic, all these warning signs lit up in neon and screamed OH-MY-GOD-YOUR-VISION-IS-CRAPPING-OUT!!! Followed by a whispered ***don't panic, it's Saturday and no eye place is open now. Just be calm, be calm, and call them on Monday morning***

I called my optometrist first, noting that ironically I have just had my diabetic retinopathy screening within the past 3 weeks and got the all clear. They explained that I needed to see an opthalmologist, and to go via my GP to get a referral. I called the GP's nurse/receptionist and we both agreed that I may be able to phone the opthalmologist directly and get a private appointment quickly. Nope. They were booked up and short staffed and the only was in was for me to go to the GP and get an "acute referral". The nurse phoned me back and said, sorry, you'll have to come in for an appointment. So I did that yesterday (Monday), and the GP had me lay on the bed while he shone the light in my right eye, checking the blood vessels and looking for signs of any pressure or damage. He found none, and declared my eye ball perfect, like that of a 10 year old, and said I didn't need to the urgent appointment since there had been no change in 48hrs. Although he did say to monitor it like a hawk and any change at all I could get the referral letter in a flash. It's still there, but no change so far. I am wondering if I should go back to my optometrist anyway?

So yeah, it's been a busy 3 weeks.

24w4d Viability and Type 1 Diabetes control

If you are more interested in reading an update about Tiny Fish then please skip down a bit :)

Diabetes and Pregnancy at 24 weeks:

I am starting to think that the first whispers of insulin resistance may be appearing.

My last two weeks - CGM data

Although in general, my blood sugars are averaging right on target (7.5 mmol), there are now some worrying patches where it is going too high for my liking (above 10 mmol). It's still brilliantly wonderful compared to the pre-pump, pre-pregnancy results, but now that I get tired so easily that little additional couple of mmols really makes me feel like crap. Tired, dry mouth, lethargic, and fuzzy-brained. What's more, if I sit at 10+ for more than 2hrs then I start to get a headache caused by the additional dehydration. Boo.

So here you can see the actual CGM readings from the last two weeks:

The raw CGM data plotted with each day as a different colour.

I was getting higher and higher reading overnight, even though they held pretty flat. Of course, nothing is guaranteed to last more than 3 days in Diabetes Land so I've started having 3am lows (note the red line) in the last 2 nights. Sigh. And I was just about to raise the overnight basals! Must be another growth spurt for Tiny Fish?

My Diabetes Nurse Educator (DNE) likes to tinker with insulin to carb (I:C) ratios first, as these are quite a quick tool to see if they are working. I think the breakfast I:C ratio is doing ok, by looking at that graph above, but it doesn't show you that I've been having to add 30%+ temp basal increases to claw my blood sugar back down during the morning for the last several days. I believe a gentle strengthening of that I:C ratio is in order. (Changed! It was 1:7g and I've just moved it to 1:6g - that may not sound like a lot but I would prefer to adjust things gently as low blood sugars/hypos really tire me out and I seem very sensitive to insulin changes.)

Lunch is definitely my nemesis. Look at that awful peak! Every colour goes up (with the exception of purple, whatever day that was??) meaning the I:C ratio is probably quite shot. I have just changed it from 1:6 to 1:5, and although I expect it will need to go further I still get very nervous giving a bolus of 5 units or more... so I will adjust the basal rate for lunchtime as well to provide a bit more of a gentle boost. Basals should start about 1hour before your want to see the result, so I will look at altering the basal from about 11am onwards thru to 3pm. I've just put it up from 0.675u p/hr to 0.7u p/hr. Not a great increase, but I will see how it goes and keep doing gentle increases every 3 days as needed.

Dinner is a bit of a moveable feast with the actual eating occuring anywhere between 5pm and 8pm. I don't really want to tinker with anymore basals or I:C ratios considering the changes I've made to earlier in my day, so will leave this chunk of the day until the next download. Best to change just a few things (or one! But I'm too impatient! lol) and know which change affected what.

Tiny Fish update:

Hooray for 24 weeks and "viability" - whatever that is. I take it to mean that should I (heaven forbid, touch wood, throw salt over shoulder etc etc) go into early labour then the medical folks would have a crack at saving the Tiny Fish. I very much like the idea that the outside world now considers Tiny Fish worth saving. I have thought him/her worth it since I knew she/he existed for us. It is interested now that I am Showing with a capital S how people react differently to me. My pregnancy has felt very real to me for a long time now, so it is strange to see how other people are just starting to catch on with the idea. I am now well over half way there, and I have been rather full of mirth this week when colleagues and students react in surprise when they ask "am I pregnant?" get a "yes, over halfway now!" in response. Hehe.

I have a nearly-flat belly button. This intrigues me, as my belly button has always been quite sensitive and now it seems to have lost a lot of sensation. I still have a waist, but only just. I can no longer wear normal pants and have been in maternity jeans since the day I bought them.

There is a little bit of reflux, but this is more from the fact that my stomach is getting compressed and I can no longer eat a huge meal. Even though I feel like the cookie monster and have an appetite that could crush mountains. It's a cruel irony that now I am "allowed" and even encouraged to eat more, I can't fit it in without reflux or terrible painful indigestion. My weight is now about 64Kg, give or take, and I still get a bit worried when I see it plateau or drop. Nearly 10Kg+ from my original weight of 55Kg.

The biggie is my leg. I have tried physio (4 sessions) and that seemed to help a tiny bit, but not really. Honestly, they don't seem to be able to help. When I went last week the physio suggested I try a stretchy type of maternity belt thing to try and hold my belly up and off the nerve in my hip. This works for about 15 mins, or until I move, when the stretchy band will roll up and try to cut me in half. I wore it for 2 days before ripping it off for good. The pressure of it squishing my belly was just too much, and I got a very good impression of what a sausage would feel like!

Today I had to take my students on a field trip. About 30mins before we were due to depart, I remembered that on this particular field trip there are very few places to sit. It would be standing for about 2 hours. I started to panic because at the moment I can't stand up for more than about 10 mins before the searing, burning, buzzing, icicle-stabbing pain goes through my right front thigh muscle. I can no longer wear shoes with a heel of any sort. This, I do not like. I spent most of the field trip propping my right foot up on anything the right height, looking like a flamingo, trying to take the weight off that hip. Not that it relieves the pain or anything, it just means I don't collapse.

I managed a gentle 20 min walk along the seaside walkway on the weekend, but couldn't walk back so Hubby had to get the car to collect me. This piece of exercise did me good and yesterday way brilliant with loads of energy. today not so great but that's cos I forgot my pre-natal vitamins!

So I have decided that the physio has reached it's limits. I will instead look at something for more whole-body relaxation, like a pregnancy massage. And I want to do more swimming and more gentle walks even though it hurts. The exercise does me good in the long run.

Depending on whether Tiny Fish is having a growth spurt (I get headaches, tiredness, and all over achiness +++) or not, then my sleep is either reasonable or complete crap. On the nights where I wake up multiple times with low or high blood sugars, plus a couple of times to pee, and then every time I need to rollover I "wake" exhausted in the mornings. The achiness is something else. Shoulders, upper back, hips, all my belly, and legs all aching together. On those nights I build a fort of towels and pillows in the bed and try to be careful with rolling over. Last night was pretty good, no towels or pillows necessary so I could spread out a bit, and just Sockington the insulin pump (in his snazzy blue sock) to take care of when I roll over. I never thought sleep would be such a complex drama. But insomnia sometimes grabs me when I am very over tired and that just makes things worse. The key is to go to bed early. Easier said than done!

Sorry for the ramble-ness of this post, that's about as coherent as I get these days.

Thank you to all of you who have taken time to post comments, it's lovely to hear from you! Even though I am not posting super-regularly I am reading all your blogs every day!

18w4d - When space starts to become sparse

The bump has most definitely gone "pop" in the last 10 days. When I wear a dress to work everyone comments on how big it is.

Tiny Fish is kicking with regularity when I wake up and when I go to bed. TF also quite likes the sound of Hubby's voice and often starts kicking up a storm when he/she hears Daddy.

Over the weekend I experienced TF's first really big growth spurt: my belly got really tight and the skin at the sides became itchy.

I got pretty tired out on Friday night and that tired-headache came on and I couldn't shake it for the whole weekend. Boo. Even with panadol each night. I was sleeping huge amounts and barely doing anything, but scared it would turn back into a migraine with more vomiting. Thankfully, it didn't, but those growth spurt hormones really treat me badly.

My blood sugars went quite high and I was using multiple temp basal increases each day to try and keep it down. I actually thought that I might finally be getting to the second trimester insulin resistance. But no, on Monday it was back to almost "normal" including the lows.

We met the obstetrician last week. He seems nice and my aunt and cousin who have connections to healthcare both say he is very nice and very good. I've got to do a PCR urine test for protein. I asked him about this numbness and pain I'm having in my leg (like a pinched nerve when I stand too long) but he didn't seem too concerned. I'll keep an eye on it and talk to my midwife about it when I see her next.

Back to work this week and things are going well. I am managing a reasonably busy day but I have to be in bed quite early or else that headache comes back.

Had a wonderful evening tonight celebrating my Dad's birthday. I ate too much and I'm paying for it now with high blood sugars and the most incredible uncomfortableness in my tum :(

Oh, and I appear to have become lactose intolerant. All that extra yogurt and milk I was advised to eat for calcium was turning from uncomfortable guts to painful.

Belly button is starting to change shape getting wider and shallower, with a knobby bump at the top. I have also noticed some tiny veins appearing on the skin at the base of ribs on both sides. No stretch marks yet but I'm using some nice smelling body butter to prevent them (not holding my breath) but it does help with the itchy skin a bit.

Here is a belly pic for you:




That's the Dexcom sensor, and I am really reacting to the adhesive now that all the skin is stretching. Also, no, those pants are not done up. Not even close lol

5w3d Panadol vs. Dex

I woke yesterday morning to the mother of all headaches. I knew instantly that it was going to be a long grueling day: my super-human sense of smell sniffed something like paint as I was waking up, and the headache decided to stay with me from 7am to 11pm.

Of course, I can't take neurofen at the moment, bit I didn't want to take panadol either as that messes up the Dexcom readings.

We had the step kids and they wanted to go to a gala day which was a beautiful, noisy, rowdy, fun outing except my head was killing me and I kept going really low. Hubby bought me a lolly kebab on a stick!

I slept fitfully most of Sunday afternoon, waking a couple of times for high alarms. At one point I woke up enough to check the tubing and found a massive bubble going right into the infusion site, so I unplugged things and primed. It dripped a few drops and then seemed to stop. With the bedroom curtains drawn, and bleary eyes, I couldn't see that I was actually shooting a thin spout of insulin across the bead spread! Oops!

By 11pm, and after every natural remedy I could think of, my head was pounding so I gave up and took 4 panadol - why that many? Because paracetamol normally doesn't work for me.

True to form, the Dex duly started to rise higher and higher. That's because it measures glucose molecules, but acetaminophen molecules look very similar to the Dex sensor. This causes false high readings. Very high. My meter said I was about 10mmol, while the Dex thought I was about 19.3! Let's just say I learnt how to disable the high-alarm feature pretty quickly. With the Dex and the Vibe pump both going mad at me every couple of minutes there was no way I would get sleep with them on.

Felt much better this morning, taught Monday class - always a drain that class - and tried to get away early but failed.

I did however get home in time to start calling midwives and OBs. Turns out the OB I want is private only, and costs nearly $4000!!! Although we could just afford that, it would be stupid as there are funded OB options available. I'll just have to make sure I don't get the one we had at the start of this IVF journey as he was strange and gave bad advice.

I did manage to book in my 8w scan with the private OB, as she has ultrasound equipment. I then had to email the fertility clinic so they can send a referral letter through to her offices, and that way it will be covered under maternity funding so free to us - yay! I just hope I don't like her too much :/ I'm checking with my health insurance to see if it covers obstetrics, but don't hold out much hope. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I won't get the OB of my choice. Which sux big time since I've heard great things about her. Sigh.

The midwife was a more positive call. We left a message and she rang back after dinner. She is the first one I looked at, mainly because she stated in her online profile that she works closely with specialists. She took time with us on the phone and we will meet her early next week.

3rd HCG test is tomorrow. I don't really have any nerves about this one, as I've had so many symptoms. And no bleeding with cramping, or bleeding at all, which I take as a good sign.

Oh, did I mention that the gala day was held at the primary school where me, Hubby, his Dad, my Sister, my 3 step-kids all went? Yeah, it has zoning and we're not in the zone, but Hubby knows the principal and asked him if it's possible to put our name on the list anyway and we can! Talk about forward thinking! So exciting! I really hope this pregnancy sticks and goes smoothly, I am getting a bit fond of our little embryo!

14dp3dt My Husband is wonderful

It's nearly midnight and I am a bit of a mess. I have been battling high blood sugars now (above 15mmol) for several hours and I'm now 2.9mmol. Very low. Amazed I can type coherently even.

This progesterone is totally kicking my butt. Plus I suspect I may be making my own now.

Today was a tough class to teach. I didn't enjoy it and my heart rate got raised. So did my bloodsugar from the stress. That is where today's roller coaster started.

After lunch a high caught me and wouldn't let go for several hours. This one I attribute to accidentally buying a white-bread sandwich that I thought was brown bread. Boo. Sux when something so stupid can wreck and ruin things like it did.

I went low just at the time before dinner when my Diabetes Nurse Educator phoned. We have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, and since she didn't know that I'm now pregnant it was vital I talk to her about these stubborn highs.

Actually I thought I wasnt doing too bad, diabetes-wise, before she said it was urgent to get these under control, and that it would have been more ideal if they had been under control at conception. I said "they were!!" I have been working so hard to keep my numbers safe. And I was doing bloody well before IVF drugs and pregnancy hormones jumped in the ball-pit!

Anyway, it was a friendly Chet and she gave me lots of new (much stronger) insulin to carb ratios which will increase my meal boluses by 30 - 50%. That's huge and I'm not convinced. But I tried it for dinner (another bad choice: takeout, but I'm exhausted, we both are) and at first I thought oh hey this is working! I'm flatlining after a burger! Brill!

And then suddenly about and hour after dinner my blood glucose just took a massive ramp up. Climbing and climbing, until it got over 18mmol!!! I was frantic. Drinking loads of water, giving as much insulin as I dared. Still nothing worked and it kept rising.

I have read of other T1D pregnant women feeling guilty over high blood sugar, but this wasn't just guilt, this was fear, terror. High blood sugars can result in all sorts of bad things for the foetus which I daren't write here. Just google type 1 diabetes and pregnant to scare yourself shirtless. :(

I gave upwards of 4 correction boluses and put a 30% temp basal increase in place as I was about to have more progesterone which will make my blood sugar rise.

And them I decided to check the line for bubble. Bloody bubbles! With only 57 units left (I know, that sounds like too much to throw away to me too) I ripped out the set and put a new infusion site in. When I pulled the cartridge out of my pump it looked all bubbly like sprite. Useless. So, bubbles are another defendant in the case against high blood sugars.

We toddled off to bed, and I was finally dropping, but with double arrows straight down. I felt terrible, the cramping was just cramping up as it tends to do whenever my blood sugar goes low or high or moves too fast (same thing happens on period so not too concerned) and I was exhausted from the day and trying to beat back highs.

I cried and told Hubby I was scared. I'm doing what I feel is my best and it's not good enough. It's one thing to avoid caffeine, but when it comes to the really important stuff like controlling my blood sugar I can't do it. I'm trying so hard. It feels like everything I do with my diabetes management is hurting me, and worst, hurting my baby. My baby. Wow. That made me well up. I feel very helpless not being able to provide a safe, stable blood sugar environment. I'm doing my best. I won't give up I will get this sorted. I knew it wouldn't be easy.

But sometimes you just have to lie there and be held as you pour your heart out to you soul mate and he cuddles you and tells you it's going to be fine and that he's proud of the amazing job you're doing.

I'm crying through this. I know a lot of it is probably the hormones giving my emotions a hiding, and coming out of a low, (5.2 now, thank God) and the sheer overwhelmed-ness I feel having gone through this IVF process. The lead up has been so long and harrowing. Now that the embryo is in me, I feel an enormous responsibility to do my best to keep as healthy as possible.

So, I am being proactive and making a plan:

- DNE's new insulin to carb ratios may be too strong, but I shall try them for a couple of days and then change them if necessary.

- I will txt my DNE to ask advice

- I will try to avoid white breads, rice, etc and other high-GI foods in large quantities.

- don't be lazy. Cook good food. We do get in the habit of eating out once or twice maybe per week.

- be gentle when correcting a low, and always have a stash of glucose with me.

- be gentle and kind to myself, and practice stress-reduction techniques.

- realize that I can only do my best, and what will be will be

Second beta is tomorrow. I have no symptoms to doubt this pregnancy, but I am so, so scared. Please send your love and hope and thoughts to us for a good rising beta.

Thank you for all of your support. This is scary and knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts really helps to calm me.

2dp3dt The waiting is hard

Because my mind is playing tricks on me and my body is doing this that are unusual.

Yesterday (Tues) I went back to work. I park my car down the bottom of a big hill and it normally takes me about 2mins to walk up it. Well. My feet felt like they were made of lead, my thighs were aching, my tummy was crampy (not really painful, just tense and heavy feeling). I slowed right down and just had to concentrate on breathing to get up the hill and to my first class.

I spent yesterday with pretty good blood sugars, although now I have the Dexcom I'm definitely more discerning and I don't like to be above about 12 mmol for any length of time.

Today when I woke the crampiness was much reduced, and it stopped quite suddenly at about 11am today - the same time my blood sugar dropped to 4.9 which is the lowest it's been in about 5 days.

This evening my left breast has a hard sore patch, feels like a sharp bruise, so in short I have no goddamn idea what these hormones are doing to me.

I am maintaining my positive outlook and I seem to be able to work ok. I definitely didn't get as tired today and worked a full day, then freelanced until 9.30pm!

Still avoiding caffeine, and I have been resisting the temptation to go get a kebab and instead every night i am cooking vege-rich meals, which is actually making me feel good.

With the pump and Dex site changes, the 3x daily progesterone (600mg total a day) I have actually forgotten my prenatal vitamins twice in the last 4 days. Felt a bit bad about this, but since I don't have a time machine I just have to leave that guilt and remember the next dose.

This evening I went quite high 15.0 and sat there for a while. Boluses weren't working and I realized my site change as due this morning. So I did that and changed the battery for the first time also. Good news is my blood sugar has dropped to 10.5 now, but that took a ezBG bolus, plus a normal bolus just to kick things along, plus the +20% increase basal.

It's hard to know what is a symptom and what isn't. Google is little help, but I have been reading forums about implantation signs and it seems like anything goes. Cramping is both good and an omen, or just your body recovering from the ER and ET. Sore boobs can be a sign, or a coincidence. Fatigue, cravings, having a westerly-facing letterbox: according to the interwebs these could all be predictors of both implantation or not.

So I am waiting with a certain about of chargrin. It's kind of nice to be in this space where Hubby and I can know we might be pregnant, but science can't tell yet, you know? Makes it even more special.

The lab sent me the embryo photo. Hubby thinks its cute. I will share it with you after I get the initial results. As I said in the previous paragraph, it's kinda nice having something private in all of this. Gosh, my whole office knows what I'm up to. My close family, several of my friends, plus Hubby's colleagues and friends and family too! I like to think of it as "sharing the burden either way"

CD 15: Embryo Transfer day! 0dp3dt

Our Day 3 embryo transfer went perfectly. I am now - dare I even type it? - PUPO!

Since our appointment was at 11.10am, we didn't rush getting up. I woke at about 7.30am and made us both tea and toast (I am on caffeine free tea, but not being terribly strict about it).

We packed up the motel room and drove down to the lake for a walk. Since it's spring here in NZ, there are just loads of cute baby animals all around. Awww! I saw 3 baby pukekoes and a bunch of ducklings. In case you have never heard of a pukeko, here is a pic:

Source. These rather prehistoric looking creatures have enormous feet and live in fields and wetlands.

And that is not counting all the baby lambs and calves, and kid-goats and piglets I saw out the window on the car on the drive up!

Focus. Ok, so it went really well. When we got to the clinic I was busting, since they needed me to drink lots of water for the external ultrasound. We were shown to a room where I could get changed into the beautiful hospital gown moo-moo. Once again I clipped my insulin pump to the neckline, and we then found I'd cleverly left the Dexcom receiver down in the car! Poor Hubby had to race back down to get it. The embryologist and Dr G both came to see us, and nurse M gave us a gently-toned lecture about keeping my core body temperature after the procedure, and using the progesterone pessaries until told to stop.

We were led through to the OR with the spaceship door, and I had to walk right around the bed and climb on. The lovely nurse D was helping setup the bed with stirrups and towels and stuff, and Hubby took a seat to the left of my head. The ultrasound screen was, as before, to the right of my legs and then - I looked more to the right, past the hatch to the lab - I saw our one little embryo on screen!!!! The photo had been take yesterday when it was just a 6-cell, although the embryologist, M, had said it was now a great looking 8-cell. We only get to transfer 1 embryo since this is a publicly funded cycle, and even then I don't think anyone would be in a hurry to risk multiples in a Type 1 Diabetic woman.

Hubby and I were both shocked at this tiny little thing. Granted, it was magnified to be about 10cm wide on screen (only 125 microns in real life, we later learned) but it was amazing. I am hoping to receive a copy of the pic soon, will share when I get it!

Nurse D squeezed gel on my tummy and used the ultrasound thing to show us my (full) badder and uterus-squashed-flattish-under-said-bladder. She showed us where to look. Then Dr G came in and both of them laughed about how no one had told the lab that we were in here, and how there was some mild role-reversal going on with doc making the call to the lab and nurse working the ultrasound!

The doctor inserted the speculum and did something else, advising me I would feel some "mild tugging" on my cervix. Now, how am I supposed to know what that should feel like, eh? Anyway, to me it felt like a catheter being inserted - I could feel it go the length of the, um, journey into my cervix and there was some mild stingy/cold (very mild), mainly tickley sensations. Not unpleasant at all. Just weird as it was novel. This was not the real deal yet, so I'm now entirely sure what Dr G was doing, a test run maybe?

Next thing they were checking my name and date of birth again, Dr G checked the name matched the petri dish on the shelf at the lab-hatch. The lab tech then loaded up the catheter from the petri dish. I could see her peering under the microscope and taking her time/having a devil of a job scooping up the embryo into the catheter. She passed it carefully through the hatch to the doctor, I made sure to watch the screen and take a deep breath.

Of course, I was looking in the wrong place. I caught the "bright spot" out the corner of my eye right in the centre of the screen, but Hubby saw it no worries. It stayed bright for the time the ultrasound was trained on it, and Dr G told us that it was the bubble of liquid around the embryo that we could see.

And then it was over. I wasn't asked to lie down for an hour. I could get up right away and make my way back to the first room. Cue a stream of nurses all telling me to avoid raising my core body temperature, again. Nurse H, Nurse D, and Dr G all wished us best of luck and that they hoped it would work for us.

So that is that. We drove home this afternoon. I had a horrendous high blood sugar caused by a not so brilliant lunch choice, and that damn progesterone. Seriously, that stuff is an absolute nightmare for a diabetic, let alone one who is now supposed to be watching her blood sugars like a hawk! I am having to set a 20% basal increase for 2hrs every time I have the progesterone, although unlike an injection I never know when it's going to "kick in"! Arrgh!

Apart from that it's all good. Surreal, but good. I don't feel any different and it will be nice just to be calm for a while with no trips back to Hamilton planned for the near future.

p.s. So, you are wondering about the other embryos eh? Well, yesterday the second-best one was a 5-cell and had grown to a 6-cell today. They will culture it on and if it gets to blastocyst stage, then it will go into the freezer. The other one stopped growing at 3-cells. I kinda wished we had at least one more to freeze, knowing that we have had a pretty consistent 40% attrition rate all along this journey. Maybe my stim meds were not strong enough? Oh well. For now, I will wait and see what happens at the end of the 2ww.

p.p.s. Dr G said I have a small polyp on my cervix. Looks benign, but that sux.

CD 14: How many embryos made it?

And are we going to be doing a day 3 or day 5 embryo transfer?

Today was the first day I lost my shi*t in this whole thing. I had been getting dreams last night about the embryo transfer and so when I woke up it was the first thing on my mind. I woke at 7.30am, and then had to wait until "lunchtime" for the embryologist to call us with the news of how many embryos had made it overnight.

I didn't realise how attached I would get to them. Those three little potential-people.

MIL was preparing for her first open home so we went around there to help her prepare a bit, and we were just walking in from the garden when I heard a phone ring. I nearly jumped out of my skin and literally yelled at Hubby "PHONE!!!!" He looked at me like I had lost my mind - which I had - and politely told me it was my phone.

I answered, but in my nervousness I couldn't remember how to put it on speakerphone so we were head to hear trying to listen-in. T the embryologist was lovely, and said that of the 3, one of them didn't look so good today. But of the other 2, on looked great and the other was ok. She said "well since we already have our shining star, we will do a day 3 transfer, I have an appointment for you at 11.20am tomorrow morning."

I asked about whether it would be possible to get a photo of the embryos and she said yes she would note that down for us but we would also need to tell the embryologist on tomorrow as it will be her day off. Then I wanted to know if the clinic provided valium or anything for the ET, and she said no. I explained that I had read some things suggesting it would be good to relax the muscles, and she said "stop reading!! I have seen hundreds of ETs over 7 years and there has never been a problem like that" I felt very reassured. We thanked her once again for explaining things so well the other day, and then hung up. We were off to Hamilton again!

Every now and then the enormity of what we are doing just hits me. It is so amazing and scary and exciting. There is such hope. We have been through so many obstacles and although I am trying to think of this as "a chance at a chance" it is becoming more difficult not to get attached to those little embryos. I must try and think of this just as another medical procedure. Stay calm, as going nuts doesn't help and it just puts additional pressure on Hubby.

So we are now up in Hamilton. We have been out for a big meal and I have been writing lesson plans to send to the relief teacher who is looking after my class tomorrow.

Wish us luck. This is a surreal time.

p.s. my sister just clicked that she might become an aunt tomorrow! How cute :)

CD 13: Fertilization report

Happy news! We have 3 good looking fertilized eggs!

Last night I went to visit my parents and got home a bit too late at 10.30pm. Hubby was already asleep! I slept well but was woken rudely by the Dexcom yelling at me that I was low. The first two times the alarm went off, I didn't look at it, rather I dreamed I looked at it and in my dream it said I was high lol. Getting up, doing a test, handling the pump and wobbling about getting juice was not fun, I had pretty much list my balance from a combination of tiredness, hypo, and effects of the sedation and codeine wearing off.

Woke this morning with a really sore throat. I later looked at my throat in the mirror and there are little nodules over my throat :( boo. By tummy felt a lot better and I was comfortable stretching out today. Still had some mild cramping this morning which has since eased, but mainly it feels like I have done a million low-ab crunches.

I took the first of my progesterone pessaries (yuk) called utrogestan, this morning. Little buggers are hard to get into "location"! I feel like I am filling up with little white marbles lol. So far my blood sugars have been going low, which may be a combination of previous hormones wearing off, and tiredness. Not sure if the lows are directly attributable to the progesterone yet, as I normally got higher in that part of my cycle.

Had a shower and by the time I came out into the lounge, Hubby was sitting on the couch with the number for the lab all dialled up and ready to call. We left the embryologist a message and asked her to call back to Hubby's cellphone. With that, we could leave the house knowing we would get the info.

I really wanted a walk, but I knew I wasn't up to that yet. I had read that gentle walking is good to help stimulate blood flow to the endometrium lining so that's another good reason to get up and about.

We had to get a warrant of fitness check for our car and it turned out that we needed a new tyre. At the tyre shop they were able to do it right away so we went for a gentle stroll into town and back for 20 mins. I have never wanted to sit down so badly! But it was excellent to get a walk to loosen up all my muscles.

We took the car back to the testing station and while standing in the carpark, in the glorious spring sunshine waiting for the re-check, we got the call from the embryologist, T.

I suddenly got a rush of worry and trepidation and nerves. Her first words gave no indication of what sort of news she was about to deliver. I was simultaneously deciding that it was bad news and that I wasn't sure what my reaction would be in the carpark, and I was making deals with myself about how many embryos would be "good" or "ok". I was silently hoping for 3.

When she said "it's good news" I just about sank with relief. T went on to explain how out of the 5 eggs, 3 has fertilized normally and looked great, one more had fertilized abnormally and failed to eject one of the DNA halves it needed to, and the fifth failed to fertilize at all. 3!!! Thats a 60% fertilization rate. Yay!!!! It's so amazing to think that we have just created 3 potential people!

The embryologist will phone us again tomorrow about lunch time to tell us how the three of the have grown/not-grown overnight. She will also be able to advise us whether we will need a day 3 or day 5 transfer. Today is day 1. If we need to do a day 3 transfer then we will be back on the road again tomorrow after lunch.

T had previously explained how there are pros and cons with transfers on both days 3 and 5. If there are only a few embryos then a day 3 ET is more likely, however if there are more then they might choose a 5 day ET to grow some on to blastocyst stage. Of course, it might mean that none grow-on, but as she pointed out that would just save us from a 2ww to find out the same result. However she also pointed out that some people believe a day 3 ET is better to grow the embryo in the natural surroundings, so to speak. I am not fussed. I kind of expect a day 3 ET simply because we only have 3 embryos (as of today) but I'm not fussed either way.

My boss and friend at work both know what's going on and they support me, so I will be able to take sick leave for either time. Actually, there's not really an option is there? I mean it's not like you can move this sort of appointment lol!

Symptoms today: I'm generally feeling much better. My brain has mostly returned. The nips have been incredibly tender and almost clenched? Well, painful anyway. They did start to relax a bit today. I had some minor bleeding from the egg retrieval yesterday which is petering out today. All in all I'm feeling... well. :D

I went very high after a lunch with MIL (damned pizza and cake :( boo) and actually slept for a couple of hours. Hubby cooked another lovely dinner of gurnard fish, roast potatoes and a salad with almond and Parmesan on top.

And now we are watching an old James Bond movie :)

CD 4: When the headache takes control

When I woke up this morning it was to in incessant bleep-blaring of an anxious Dexcom screaming that my blood sugar was low. Again. Two lows in one night and the result was my headache from yesterday growing super-powers. I felt awful this morning.

Some breakfast and out the door to work. Hubby offered to drive me in, which I though was a good idea since my head was feeling pretty fuzzy but it was live able.

At work things quickly deteriorated. I had a meeting and at the end of that I stood up and felt my stomach lurch: that moment when a headache takes on migraine qualities and suddenly there is aura, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, and head pain that is like a physical presence.

I got back to my shared office as soon as I could and downed some ibuprofen and a bottle of water. Blood sugars at this stage were thankfully stable at around 7 mmol.

I emailed Hubby to come collect me. I had lasted only until 10.45am :S

Once home, the neurofen kicked in and the pain went away. The pressure in my head was still there so I knew I had to be careful. I did some drawing and had lunch. Felt better. Read my book (great book! The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton)

And then I fell asleep in the armchair. I was awoken by the promise of junk food for dinner. :D

I've since brightened up and got a ravenous hunger for celery:



Nom nom nom. I love the watery fresh crispy taste.

Also I've just remembered that I should be not-drinking caffeine. Damn. Tea. I also looooove tea: black with trim milk and a spoon of raw sugar. Ooh so good. I'd bought a box of decaffeinated tea months ago and it tastes ok, but Hubby is very unsure if it's safe to drink. Being diabetic, there are very few tasty beverage choices. Juice is out (carbs), alcohol is out (I don't drink anyways), and milk is out (lactose doesn't like me in great quantities, plus, carbs). That leaves diet coke (yum, but caffeine and artificial sweeteners = headache material). Maybe tomato juice is the perfect option, but it just makes me thirstier. So. Water.

Oh, here are the pre-natal vitamins Im taking:



Left to right: Elevit with iodine, 1000 IU vitamin D (2 per night), 5mg folic acid.

That is all. Oh gawd damn! The Dex has just high alarmed again. I ate CELERY!!! (I should have eaten cake!)

I want OFF this damn rollercoaster! Can you help?

Next week the students come back and I will be in teaching mode again. That will be exhausting but challenging work which I'm looking forward to.

The week just gone has been absolutely frenetic, with last minute course prep (still not done, and it's Sunday!), moving the entire Art department into a newly refurbished facility, oh yeah, and 3 days of compulsory academic staff training!! It's been super nuts.

I know my diabetes control has been degrading. It's like, seriously crappy at the moment. Here's the last 7 days for you:



(Apologies for having to twist your neck to see that!)

As you can see, I'm all over the map. There are some trends, which I guess are a blessing as it may just mean the Lantus (basal) dose is screwed up:




Massive peaks and troughs = massive headaches, tiredness, grumpiness, and brain-fogginess :(

So what I'm doing about it is some intensive tracking and analysis to see if I can figure out where the hell I'm going so wrong. I've just purchased Diabetes Diary for iPhone and that's where I got the pretty graphs. Have to say that so far, I'm liking this app the best of all. And I've tried most of them!

I'd been using the Insulin Calcilator app, made by the same folks (http://www.fridayforward.com/) for nearly a year now and I credit it with a 1.5% drop in my HbA1c, so I figured their diary app was worth a shot too. I like how the two apps work together. I can take a bloodsugar test, enter the results into the Insulin Calculator, then just press a button and it transfers all the data across to the Diabetes Diary, where I can add more info and make adjustments. Cool eh? :)

I think it's really good that I'm back in intensive analysis mode, because if 10+ bloodsugar tests a day aren't giving nice smooth control there must be something else going on. And I can't find it without graphs, averages, and data to help me.

Let's be clear: I test constantly. I inject semi-religiously, and I track it all in my paper log book:



But that doesn't give the instant clarity of a graph, or the insight of weekly averages. I hope this system helps. I suspect it will. I've done this intensive analysis thingy before and it has always had positive results, even if only minor.

BTW, if you can spot any major issues for me by looking at the graphs, please let me know in the comments. All help on nutting this one out is appreciated. :)

I take Lantus twice a day (11u breakfast, 9u dinner), and bolus with Humalog. I'm incredibly sensitive to changes in insulin, and am on child-size doses of Humalog. My I:C ratio is 1:14. I eat between 90 - 180g carbs per day including emergency food like juice and stuff. I walk, weather permitting :P And I work hard and get pretty stressed out at times, which never helps. Anything else you would like to know so you can help, let me know in the comments. Cheers everyone.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I tried so hard, but my BG just wouldn't behave!

Ok so today was always going to be stressful and unpredictable: it was the first day of semester, welcoming students and the start of orientation week.

I woke up an hour early to make sure I had time to get dressed and looking presentable, make a tasty packed lunch (smoked warehou fish, green grapes, one plain slice of dark rye bread) and get to work in time to get a good spot at the welcome ceremony. (more on this later).

I was put in a foul mood by having a hypo in the night, and finding that I was sky high in the morning. I though I only ate a tiny bit of emergency food. Perhaps I should have just waited it out?

The commute to work usually takes me 7 mins. Today it was an unholy 28 minutes. I swore. A lot. I was late for the welcoming ceremony...

Here in NZ it's called a powhiri, and it's usually a very touching and moving event, one that makes you feel special to be a part of it. It's led by the Maori elders and the people attending split into two sides: those being welcomed (students) and those doing the welcoming (tutors and faculty staff). There is speech-making in both Te Reo and English, and karakia (songs) are sung by both sides. It's all about ensuring the proper spiritual protocols are followed, and when it goes according to plan it's beautiful. The students get welcomed onto the sacred learning space :)

Well. Nothing was technically wrong with the ceremony but four people fainted and had to be taken away by the first-aiders due to the heat! At 8.30am!!

Stress put me even higher, hitting 19mmol/L directly after the ceremony. And I had been clutching a fruitbar in my sweaty palm - just in case I went low!! Lol better to be safe...

I bolused twice during the morning, and only came back below 10 in the mid afternoon. Thankfully I had no classes to teach today, so it was just lesson planning and office work.


We had a special welcome for the art department students, and it was good to see all their bright nervous faces!

I then had to wait around for my teacher training class (in which I'm a student) which started late afternoon and ran right over dinnertime. D'oh! Luckily hubby had cooked me a tasty dinner when I finally got home.

Felt like I had the day of disaster blood sugars licked.

We popped round to see hubby's parents after dinner, cue tea and biscuits :) nom!

I had a shower, and I find showers either make me high or low afterwards, nor sure why, the heat maybe? Well, I scored a 24.9mmol/L

W.T.F!?

Oh. Yeah. That's right, you're supposed to take insulin with your dinner! Dumbass! Oh what a waste of all that work!

So now it's nearly midnite and I'm sitting up, testing every half hour to check I'm in fact coming down, and not going low. I'm exhausted, just want to go to sleep. Thought I would blog and let you know that you're all helping me stay awake and get my BGs back on track. Pat on your back :D

P.S. Please please please let my BGs behave tomorrow for my first class teaching of the year!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Happy New Year!

I spent New Year's with my family, as hubby was working in the mad throng of downtown (sound engineer for the local Irish band). We watched the royal variety show (a bit of a tradition in our house) then said our goodnights and "happy new years". Out the window of my parent's house the valley was filled with fireworks, and it was wonderful to sit back and watch out of the huge windows.

Summer is truly here, and I've spent the last couple of 2010 days biking, fishing, walking, and getting a little sunburnt! Oops! Never fear, industrial strength sunscreen is here - and I need it, what with the  Roaccutane and my playstation-like-tan.

Tomorrow (I mean today, well, in the morning) we go on holiday and I can't wait. Just a week of relaxing by the beach, fishing, swimming, reading, and pretending to know how to play tennis.

Oh, and the food! The last week has been gloriously scrumptious, with THREE Christmas dinners spread over two days, and then a ten year old's birthday lunch, plus several trips to eat out when we can't be bothered cooking/have eaten the cupboard bare, and New Years Day lunch booked in with my Aunt and Uncle tomorrow. Now you see why I've been riding the bike! I think I've mentioned it before, but here we have a long coastal walkway, paved, and mostly flat. It's 7+ Km long, and it's a joy to ride along on a sunny summer's day :D

Throughout all the food and dining, I've been paying reasonably careful attention to my blood sugars. Although, I wasn't at ALL surprised when I spotted a few 20mmol/L's creeping in! Oh well, just deal with them and get on with it. It's definitely the strange, rich food, and different daily routine causing the trouble.

I have been trialling a new iPhone app over the last week, and it seems pretty swish. Diamedic is a pain in the a$s to enter details into, but it does give some nice useful graphs. And, I have to admit, I am much more likely to sit in front of the telly with the iPhone and enter the day's results out of my paper log book, than I am to use a web-based system (been there, Log for Life: Please fix your iPhone app! And stop charging a monthly fee thhhpppppppps *raspberry*!). So, for now anyway, Diamedic is a win. It's not perfect by far, but it has already enabled me to see trends such as how I am sitting too high before lunch and dinner, but doing well with the before breakfast and after lunch results, on the whole. It's a bit finicky but once you get the hang of it, you see how many features it offers. You can get it here.

Oh, and if any Diamedic folk happen to be reading, can you please figure out a way to retain all the features, but make the entry system multi-item friendly? So when I enter my morning bolus, I could also, say, enter the basal, carbs, and whatever else, all at the same time? Ta muchly. :)  /end request.

The year that's just been: I would not want to repeat it, but I am glad I went through it. I "lost" my job, but got a fantastic new one which is much better. I found out we don't qualify for publicly funded IVF treatment here in NZ, but I now have some hope, and another year up my sleeve. Hubby and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. All my step-kids are now in the double-digits (wow! when I met them, the youngest was only 3!!). I had an operation which may or may not have been strictly necessary, but I'm healthy and happy now.

This new year, I am hoping to achieve a pregnancy. If not that, I want to be on the official wait-list for IVF. Sad, I know, but at the moment, just the chance to get on the wait-list would be wonderful! :S In my professional life, I will be studying for my Diploma in Tertiary Learning and Teaching which is exciting and daunting, as I've not been in formal study for 9 years now. I am also hoping to grow as a tutor and raise the standard of design in my town. Well, someone's got to! The rest of the tutors in the art dept., lovely as they are, are either fine-artists, animators, or last practiced design when the ark was a-floating and dino was a-stompin'. :P I love them, truly! And they love me too because I bring them cake and chocolate. Noms. It's all good. It actually give me a great chance to make my mark on the department. I am starting off with a website (naturally!) and some social media awareness. Only one of my colleagues has a blog, and one of them doesn't even have a FB account! Shock horror! Watch this space... :)

In my blogging, I want to continue sharing my life with the world, because I get so much back from you guys, and I really enjoy being a part of your lives too. It's a cool community online here. Thank you.

There are other goals I'm setting myself, but they are quite mundane in comparison to the ones above.

Anyway, welcome to the New Year!! As I write this it's 1.30am in New Zealand. Time for a nap :)

A sort of anniversary

So this will be short and sweet, but I just wanted to mark the start of October since it's roughly one year since we started this journey of diabetes and infertility. My bloggiversary occurs next April - I can't believe it's so far away, I feel like I've been writing for ever! haha  I will have to think up a special celebration for it.

Oh well, to mark the day, here is one of my favourite paintings. I actually made a reproduction of this work, in my student days (no, you can't see it!)   :)

Girl with a Pearl Earring - c.1665 -  Johannes Vermeer

My lovely hubby took me out for Indian for dinner tonight. Yum yum! Butter chicken my favourite (predictable, I know - but I only choose it about 50% of the time I eat Indian, honest!) Lots of poppa dams, naan bread, white rice, and fried tandoori things on a hot stone. Ooh food heaven!

I have to say, I am a very useful person to take out to dinner. You see, whenever I take out my test kit, the wait staff ALWAYS come over. It might be coincidence, but it's happened so many times (more than 100) that I think the waiters are just curious! What is she doing? hehe - anyway the upshot is that we get served pretty quickly!

The downside, with indian food, is I have no idea how to carb count it. :(

Actually, it would be helpful if I knew exactly how much I ate :P  But I just wolf it down, so hungry!

I had my first day back at work today after mid-semester break, and with a good breakfast test, and not much food (no grazing at the biscuit tin today!), and plenty of walking between classrooms, I went quite low during a staff meeting this afternoon. After treating that, then eating Indian for dinner meant a nice high just now. Ah well. Bolus. Then the painful part - staying awake long enough to know if it's "just right" and not going to send me plummeting overnight.

I also don't want to be high all night, as that will ruin me for the exhibition opening tomorrow (so excited!) Oh, question for you: do you get incredibly hungry when you are high sometimes? Like, ravenous? It's weird, my symptoms seem to have done a flip-flop over the last couple of months. I just want to eat the cupboards bare when I'm high, and (TMI warning, advance apologies, avert your eyes etc) I need to pee like a racehorse when I'm low. Weird I know - I've never been one to do things by the book :P

I've godda coad, and I need your advice.

Translation: I've got a cold. Sniff. Achoo! Cof cof COF cofffffff cof!

I think the general stress and change of starting a new job has caught up with me a bit. I've had the worst cold all week, with a simply alarming cough.

Went shopping in the local mall today with my sister which was lovely, but I got so tired walking around, that my head started to spin. We were trying on clothes in a funky loud-music-playing, tight-jeans-selling shop, and the changing rooms were soooo hot! I swear they turn the air-con off to sub-consciously persuade customers to buy their skimpy, cheap, thin clothing! (meanwhile, it's like mid-winter outside). Anyway, the heat gave me a terrific coughing fit, and I couldn't talk, and lost my voice, and all that would come out was a squeak. Eep! Sister got me out of there quick smart and into a cafe - cup of tea later - which made it much better. A quick test showed that I was 17.6 mmol/L! WHAT!?

Turns out that I'd missed my morning Lantus dose, and the one from the night before (I'm on am and pm shots) had just worn off. So I was pretty useless. Tired, sick, diabetic-tired, and diabetic-sick. And loaded up with heavy shopping bags :P

This week has been full-on. I'm really enjoying my new job and how supportive and friendly the people are. It makes a nice change! I've been writing my courses and assignment briefs for my students. It was tonnes of work and really challenging (teaching is basically a whole new profession for me, after all), but my boss and the other tutors have been really encouraging and helpful. I think I will be ok at this! :D

But man is it nice to just have a sleep-in this morning and a relax!

Because next week is going to be full-on. I have my first class on Monday morning. We will be having a welcome and powhiri for all new students on campus, and then a welcome just for the arts students after that. Then I will be introduced to my new students, and I start teaching! I am getting a bit excited :)

Minus the formal welcome ceremonies, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday will be pretty similar, each with a new class of students to meet.

And Friday. Whoa. Friday is the 23rd of July. Yup. It's time to meet the fertility clinic folks.

ADVICE PLEASE AND THANK YOU:
So, what questions do you suggest I ask? Any ideas will be considered helpful. This will be our initial consult. What would you ask? I know you people will have some great ideas and think of things that would not occur to me. :) Thanks!

Aaaargh! Lawyers!

After the shock and awe of yesterday, I have been on the lawyer hunt. Every employment specialist I call has to do a "conflict of interest check", to make sure they didn't do any work with my ex-employer. So far I've struck out with two great lawyers. Dumb. So now I'm working my way down the list of good lawyers.

Oh, and the HR manager called me. I told her how pissed off I was about the process not being followed properly. She pretended she didn't know a thing. Typical. I get to have a meeting next wednesday. Will discuss my exit package.

On the bright side, I have had so much support from my friends and family, and the wonderful online community. Just wonderful. Thanks everyone for your kind words! It's made me feel not so alone in this. :)

My coworkers are all pretty shook-up, worried about me, and scared now for their own jobs. I hate to see that. The rug has been pulled out from under me, but the ground definitely shook for them.

I have started to realise just how loooong a day can be. I've been so focused on this event, and reading up legal articles and the interwebs, and calling lawyers, that I was just totally zonked by this evening. My blood sugars were climbing because of the stress. I even changed a vial of Humalog cos I convinced myself it was "off".

So tonite I decided I needed a de-stress and relax, and booked in for a haircut with my lovely new hairdresser. She was wonderful! We talked for 45mins about life, the universe, and why hairdressers never hold the hairdryer by the handle. And she even spent extra time giving me a scalp massage before, and curls after! How great is that! I came home and Hubby said I looked like a new woman. Wait until Tuesday...

...to be continued... hehehe :P