Tuesday, November 19, 2013

6w4d First Antenatal Appointment with our Midwife

We had a long and thorough initial appointment with our Midwife this evening. She seems like a good match for us and we are both comfortable with her.

As well as fill out loads of forms, she also gave me a lots of brochures to read.

We discussed my medical history and she is going to organize the NT scan with the OB.

But this is where I am not so happy. I had always thought we would test for Down's Syndrome since I am at a higher risk due to T1D. But Hubby is against the idea, arguing does it matter since we have already decided what we would do with the information should the baby have Down's: nothing. We have both known people with Down's Syndrome as we grew up and we agree they can be wonderful happy people who lead rich fulfilling lives.

But I still want to know. I hate surprises, especially the sort where a simple blood test could put my mind at rest either way. Of course, the blood test is not definitive, the only way to do a diagnostic test and know for sure is with an amino, and I know I'm not keen on that due to the increased risk it carries.

Plus, we also disagree on antenatal classes. Having done this 3 times before Hubby is bored of them, thinks they are patronizing and that you learn more off the midwife. Which may all be true. But it is trampling all over my nice vision for this time. He would prefer the weekend short course. The midwife plainly advised against this as it can be information overload. I prefer the six week evening course, where you get to journey through it with others and potentially find others to share the experience with.

I am feeling very alone right now. I have no friends my age pregnant, my sister desperately wants a child bit circumstances make it hard, my Mum unfortunately has not yet had any meaningful/useful conversations with me, she mainly claims that too much has changed. And now Hubby is pulling a sad face when I say what I want. And I admit I am pulling a sad face too.

I want the best of both worlds: Hubby and the benefit of all his knowledge and experience, just minus any bad or prejudicial experiences from last time. He says he wishes this were his first time, well, now I really wish that too.

I want to test for Downs as I want to know. I want to do the NT scan to know my baby I'd healthy. I do not want to wait with my head in the sand and get a big nasty surprise with an ill baby on its birthday. I want to be proactive and prepared, even if all I can do is prepare mentally for a potential outcome.

Do I understand Hubby's reasoning: yes, and I was settled with it until I considered getting that nasty surprise. It's NOT the same as waiting to find out the gender - which I currently am happy either way - it is serious and could affect both my maternity care and the early care of our baby.

I dunno, I'm just so tired all the time now. Can barely stay awake through my class. Leaving work as soon as I can. Just, feeling overwhelmed, lost, and a bit alone right now. I know Hubby loves me very much, but I don't know what to do and I can't seem to hold my own in a conversation / debate / argument with him when I just can't concentrate. :(

Other than that disagreement which I'm sure we will resolve, everything is fine, no news.

Symptoms over the past several days: cramping, tender breasts/nipples, mild constipation, extreme fatigue, hunger for protein, some very mild nausea/ vertigo feelings yesterday, nosebleeds a couple of days ago, copious sneezing, fuzzy brain, hypo unawareness.

Baby should have a heartbeat now.


  1. I hope hubby reconsiders. Honestly I feel like since this is your first time to go through any of this, plus the fact that you are the MOST involved, you should get to decide how to proceed.

  2. If you will be more at ease with the test then do it. I was the same as you no matter what we were keeping the baby but I wanted to take that surprise upon birth out of the equation. A simple blood test does not harm the baby either. Try and sit down and talk to your hubby about the classes surely he can understand that this is your first time at motherhood. Although I will say if you are confident in yourself anyway you may not need them. My baby girl arrived 9 weeks early and we never made it to any classes and we are doing just fine. Good luck x

  3. That sounds like a very difficult situation. The antenatal thing: is only partly about the information, and mainly about connecting with a group of people with babies around the same age, I thought. Although its not always a given . . .
    Of course, information is good . . . but definitely had more info from our antenatal group than from our midwife. and yep, also with you re the short bursts of info rather than one long tiring weekend of overload.

    And yes, also agree about the 'forewarned is forearmed'. First pregnancies I was not going to do the screening as figured it would not change any outcome for me, but then after the first few losses, diagnosis and IVF figured I didn't really want any more surprises and would rather have 6 months to think about the implications and come to terms with having a child with disabilities rather than wondering. (didn't have amnio/CVS though as nuchal looked fine)

    Feel free to flick me an email if you want to talk babies/pregnancy/whatever, leave a comment on my blog and I can unmoderate it or whatever if it publishes immediately