Another blow

So we went to see my GP this morning, to see if he could help us with our stupid paper work issue: the fertility clinic won't give us access to publicly funded IVF treatment without a note saying that we have been trying to conceive for at least 3 years. IVF costs $11k

Long story short, my GP has morals, and is also unwilling to bear the burden of writing a forged document. And is also a wanker. And who already has kids so has not one scrap of compassion it seems for us in our plight. I could not believe he was willing to ruin our lives over a piece of paper.

Literally, I feel we are being killed by paperwork and bureaucracy. Hell, the GP even suggested writing to our local member of parliament. As if that will help at all. No, it seems we are just too difficult a case for anyone to want to take care of us properly.

But then, I realise that I have been thinking like a patient. Saying things honestly, getting all my blood work done on time, Hubby got lots of tests, there have been plenty of stressful doctor's visits, heck, I even had an elective operation and an invasive ultrasound in the run up to this. We had been told all along the way that we would be able to access public funding for treatment, because we had been together and trying for over 6 years. We were told we were infertile. We were given the options. All along this process I have asked if we are eligible for funding, and the response has always been positive.

Not so now, it seems. I should have been thinking like a business. All these doctors have gotten a lot of money out of us. And we have not even started treatment! If any one of them had taken the care to actually CHECK if we were eligible for funding, we would have had an answer a year ago. And that would have given us much more time to make decisions. But no, instead they found a delicious cash cow, which they could share around. All these tests, procedures, consults, and operations have cost the taxpayer a lot of money already, and a lot of money out of our pockets.

It makes me sick. In fact, I felt like throwing up in the GP's surgery this morning, as soon as he started saying things like "well if those are the rules..." and "I can't do that, as the liability would come onto me..." and "you have to start thinking of this as a moral and ethical issue..." I HAVE BEEN! I HAVE BEEN TOTALLY HONEST ALL THE TIME!

It's only this stupid process which discriminates against us, and where the rules keep changing, and no body cares and no one will tell us the rules. And no support is offered. HUGE things like "infertility", "IVF", "no funding", and just plain old "No" are spoken to us, but there is never any emotional help offered.

I am so upset. I had to stay home from work because I can't think of anything else. I can't think what to do. We have meagre savings, and not enough to pursue IVF by ourselves. I am totally at a loss. I can't believe it. We know the solution, but we are not even allowed to try it becauese we are not rich enough. We are not allowed to try because some doctors consider a vasectomy to be infertility, but others just call it contraception. We are not allowed to try because the "rules" say you have to be trying to conceive for 3+ years - well, we have been having unprotected s.e.x for 7 years now. But with a vasectomy, does the amount of years you are trying really matter? No, it won't make any difference. And when you do decide you want a child, is the first person you tell your health professional, to make a nice tidy, auditable paper trial exactly 3 years long? No. You tell your partner. You only go to your doctor when you want to kick things off. You don't realise that if you had only lied to the fertility specialist none of this crap would have happened. She would have accepted any year you said. And now I can't think of a single way to fix it.

Of course, I could complain. We have been treated pretty badly I think. Here in New Zealand we have a body called the Health and Disability Commissioner. They deal with complaints across our entire health industry. But that would mean writing a complaint against my GP, by ob/gyn, and the fertility clinic. A) that is a lot of people to fight, and B) it would probably still not get us funding, and C) it would leave me with no doctors.

I don't know what to do. This is so unfair. I keep having to wipe the keyboard because I'm crying so much. I feel sick. I don't know how I will get to work and teach the class this afternoon. I don't know how I will face moving out of this chair. It's not fair. We don't deserve this. But there is no one who will listen, who will help, who will make it better. At least, I can't think of anyone.A storm has come in. Good. I feel stormy inside.

(Apologies for bringing you down. I hope I didn't spoil your day)