Panic attack

I sit here typing this with manic fingers, on my unmade bed, as I have a panic attack. My heart is bursting and thumping and I have the shakes and I'm crying a bit too.

I've just called Fertility Associates. I asked to be put through to the right person and told the receptionist that we had been dealing with the Hamilton clinic and had some concerns over how we'd been treated. (no sense freaking the receptionist out, I figure).

So she doesn't put me through to Auckland clinic like I ask, like the HDC Advocate suggested, no.

She transfers me to the clinic manager at Hamilton. And this is where I started to freak out. Majorly. It's taken me a week and a half to gather the necessary courage to make this phone call.

The receptionist hears the anxiety in my voice and asks "I'll just transfer you now, is that ok?"

"Yes," I say - meaning NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO I want to talk to ANOTHER CLINIC and find out if Hamilton has done things by the book or not!!!

So anyway, clinic manager in Hamilton picks up. I ask her to repeat her name, and I'm writing everything down. Damn, should have put the phone to speaker-phone and recorded it all with the iPhone. Sigh.

So anyway, this is what happened:

I told her, very quickly, what was wrong. VERY quickly, like, so fast I didn't even get time to mention the cause of our infertility. Just that we did not meet the minimum CPAC form score to get funding, and that our appointment with the doctor had ended in tears. I also happened to mention that we were in the process of contacting my MP and an advocate from the HDC... and as the HDC advocate suggested, this did indeed seem to speed things along a bit. Good. I like being taken seriously.

I said how all along we had been led to believe (by GP and OB/GYN) that we would qualify for publicly funded treatment, so it was a complete shock to be told that we don't qualify. She responded that it all depends on the duration of the infertility.

The clinic manager asked if I would like her to review our case: Yes!

She said that the CPAC form is nationwide, so there should be no difference between Auckland and Hamilton - this seemed to unnerve her quite a bit that I kept bringing it up. Don't particularly think she likes the fact that her clinic may have a bad rep!

I mentioned that I thought our CPAC form had been done incorrectly, and there was nothing on it to indicate that we should have to wait for 3 years. I didn't get a chance to say why I thought this as she talked over me a one point, and I gather she was not happy to get this call, but overall it took a turn for the better, I hope.

She promised to review our case and get back to me tomorrow. I asked her to email me, because I can't have that sort of emotionally-charged phone call happening at work in a shared office. That's fine, she says. "I will review your CPAC form to see if there's been an error or something, or if we can be lenient"

Holy [curse]!! "Lenient" This does not compute! Not with the way their doctor treated us at our one and only never to be forgotten consultation! :P

I can't remember how I said goodbye, only that after putting the phone down everything went swimmy and I fell sideways on the bed. I had made sure to have a couple of biscuits (cookies) before making the call, as stress can make me go very low very quickly. As I type now, at the end of my post, I feel much better, hopeful even. Can't wait to hear back from her tomorrow that's for sure...

p.s. sorry this post is a little garbled - can you imagine what it's like in my head right now? :P